THAT WORD, IT DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS

Here at Gin and Tacos we adhere to the highest standards of journalism and morality. This requires an immediate apology and forceful correction when we make mistakes, as any journalistic enterprise is bound to make from time to time in the relentless pursuit of the truth.

Last week we mocked Bristol Palin for a second pregnancy while taking large sums of money to advocate abstinence. It turns out, though, that this pregnancy was planned. According to Bristol. So, to clarify: While getting paid to advocate abstinence, she got pregnant by some random guy for a second time. But she planned it that way. Thanks for clearing that up. Gin and Tacos regrets the error.

Actually, wait. Does she know what "planned" means?

She announced that the pregnancy was planned. Two sentences later she states "things did not go as planned." Then she refers to having "made a mistake." It's all very Palin – she literally can't keep her story straight for one three-paragraph press release / blog post. I predict a bright future for her as a grifter / presidential candidate.

That family is just insistent on checking every single White Trash box, aren't they. They won't be satisfied until Todd dies of a rabid dog bite and Tagg is seen driving the streets of Wasilla in a 1972 GMC Caballero.

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38 Responses to “THAT WORD, IT DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS”

  1. FMguru Says:

    The whole thing is impressive. She planned to have more kids someday, and now she's pregnant with another kid, so as you can clearly see this pregnancy was PLANNED. Q.E.D.

  2. J. Dryden Says:

    Well, now, to be fair–What?! WHY AM I DOING THIS?!–to Ms. Palin, it wasn't "some random guy," anymore than it was the last time. It was, I'm quite sure the paternity test will prove, Sgt. Dakota Meyer–her "Holy Shit You're ALREADY MARRIED" fiance–is the father. Which, look, he IS a Medal of Honor winner. Cut her some some slack–compared to the father of her last kid, she's actually getting better at this! She didn't bang a faceless hookup; she knocked boots with the guy she assumed she'd be married to right quick, so while she's still a hypocrite and a scold and a waste of public attention, she's, um…sorry, where was I going with this?

  3. A. Says:

    To be accurate : I think the story she is pushing is that she fell in love, got engaged, and decided to start a pregnancy before the wedding. And that the wedding falling through was not in her plan. Whether true or not, who knows. But that situation is not an accidental pregnancy; it is planned, as she says. (Happened a lot during WWII and the Vietnam War before guys shipped out, because women or men or both wanted his baby in case the guy died.) You can certainly call her out on not being abstinent until her marriage, and on not using birth control until she was married. The big one is bringing a child into a dysfunctional situation.

  4. Katydid Says:

    @JDryden; she was only with Meyer for a month; that is most likely not his baby, but the one of the coke-using "sledhead" she was dating/living with/taking to Disney for a year-and-some-months. It's much more likely in the Palin clan that she turned up pregnant and her mother, the Wasilla Wendigo, looked for a suitable patsy, and settled on the Medal of Honor winner to be "responsible", hence the whirlwind one-month courtship. Prevailing theory is that Meyer noticed the burgeoning five-month belly, could count higher than one month, and realized the baby wasn't his. After alll, Bristol's mother was pregnant before marriage, her grandmother was pregnant before marriage, her brother's girlfriend was pregnant before marriage, and her mother's brother started a second family with a former student while still married-with-kids.

  5. Xynzee Says:

    What I find most disturbing is the amount of knowledge you have on these people.
    Like names, dates, who's rooting who, sheesh!

    Perhaps some hobbies?

    If I do, Pallid herself is the only one I keep tabs on, but that's because she's the mouth off the mouth breathers.

  6. Edward Says:

    Maybe the Palins need to hire an exorcist to drive the demons out of Bristol.

  7. Katydid Says:

    Xynzee, I still have military friends stationed in Alaska who keep me informed. Something to keep in mind; this family of rabid weasels came very close to inhabiting the VP's mansion in Washington DC. Palin was shoved down our throat as the perfect example of "rill 'murkin womanhood". I have no doubt that had McCain been elected POTUS, he shortly would have encountered some fatal accident, leaving her in command of the country.

  8. Rugosa Says:

    I try to be a good person, and not think badly of other people, and try to have sympathy for their plight in life. But damn it's fun to mock the Palins! They are a perfect parody of White Trash. And their hides are so tough that mockery doesn't really hurt them; as long as they get the grift they're happy. I do feel sorry for the babies.

  9. Emerson Dameron Says:

    If I decided to ride the mechanical bull at LA's Saddle Ranch, as Bristol is well known to do, I would first strap on two condoms. Under my pants.

  10. Well mostly Says:

    Ha! OK, correction noted. You go girl!
    If we were trying to put a really bad example of family front and center could even the most cynical TV screenwriter come up with a better plot, or crew than our very own walking, talking northern lights: the Palin Family?
    Not likely. Can't make this shit up, as they say.
    Knock on any door in any town and you'll meet better people.
    As it is I've surrendered a part of my brain to forever knowing more about these folks than I ever wanted to. Our collective DNA will just have to find a way to work around this.

  11. c u n d gulag Says:

    And so, another Palin baby is pooped out!

    And our nation's cumulative IQ drops a bit with its arrival.

  12. Sideshow Bill Says:

    "And so, another Palin baby is pooped out!

    And our nation's cumulative IQ drops a bit with its arrival."

    I object, that low a level is taught and learned

  13. Greg Says:

    White Trash derives its meaning from white supremacy: The people who are white but nonetheless trashy, aaa opposed to those of us who are properly fulfilling our Anglo-Saxon destiny*

    *this is ironic, just in case you started to think it wasn't.

  14. Andrew Laurence Says:

    I am no Palin fan, but I have to agree with A. on this one. It is possible to plan a pregnancy without first being married. Hell, it is possible to plan a pregnancy with no attempt (or desire) ever to be married. But here it looks like she may have become pregnant with her fiance, then broken off the engagement for reasons unrelated to the pregnancy.

  15. Katydid Says:

    @Andrew; except she was only with her fiance for a month, but is about 14 weeks pregnant.

  16. Emerson Dameron Says:

    @Xynzee –

    The Going Rouge review was one of Ed's biggest hits. I don't blame him for returning to the Palins' magical well of stupid now and then. It lightens the mood, and some of us clearly remember 2008 and the vivid sensation that a bunch of Real Patriot racists could put these people in the White House.

  17. Xynzee Says:

    @Katydid: 4wks. 14wks. Since when did they claim to be mathematicians? ;)

    As for mama Pallid, that's the only reason why I keep even a vague space saved for them.

  18. Whatver Says:

    Think of the divergent 2008 universe, with cig butts, empties, shotgun shells, and tampon dispensers littering the White (Trash) House lawn.

  19. Andrew Says:

    @Katydid: She could have been with her fiance for two minutes and still be 14 weeks pregnant.

  20. Katydid Says:

    @Andrew; but not with his child.

  21. Katydid Says:

    @Xynzee; sadly, I'm surrounded by Sarah Palin fans here in the south, and an alarming few are convinced she's going to run in 2016…and win. It was hilarious when she dropped her fake-Fargo accent (an accent nobody else in her family or her town has), for her fake-southern accent.

  22. Andrew Says:

    @Katydid: No, she could be with her fiance for two minutes and be pregnant with his child. Do you not know how human reproduction works? :-)

    It's even possible to plan a pregnancy and not really care very much whose sperm you use to bring that plan to fruition.

    I wasn't there and haven't done a DNA test.

    However, if you're spokesperson for abstinence, you should probably be abstinent. To normal human beings, abstinence seems like a bad idea, but the Palins are not normal human beings.

  23. J. Dryden Says:

    @ Katydid: Thank you for the correction/amplification. A few years back, when it first came out, and largely out of spite at the Palin noise machine, I bought and read THE ROGUE by Joe McGinnis (RIP). The book was derided as a smear job, but I found it to be rather enlightening, insofar as what it really was was less of a biography of Palin, and more of an accurate depiction of what people in Alaska had to say about her. In other words, not what really happened, but what people really say about what really happened.

    It was remarkable, the number of establishments that McGinnis visited that had recently adopted the "No Palins" policy–how the people he talked to had, with the de-blinded sight of Saul of Tarsus, come to recognize her and her family for what they were: dumb, mean-spirited hillbillies on a perpetual combination of The Grift and a Morbid Crusade against their perceived enemies.

    The scenario you spin reminds me VERY much of the Palins portrayed in that book (and in subsequent moments of being secretly recorded), and I'm quite inclined to believe it.

    Also @Rugosa is quite correct: Those future lives of those poor goddamned kids just break your heart to contemplate.

  24. mothra Says:

    Bristol also clarifies that she was not promoting abstinence, but merely speaking out against teen pregnancy. She is just revising history, of course, to match current facts.

    And no, planning to be pregnant someday does not equal a planned pregnancy. I really don't care, but Bristol Palin seems to care.

  25. zombie rotten mcdonald Says:

    I disagree, Ed. It's much more likely to be an El Camino….

  26. Katydid Says:

    @Andrew: not sure if you're kidding or not. What are you not getting about her being 14 weeks (or possibly more; clearly she's far enough along to show which put her in damage-control mode) pregnant, and meeting her "fiance" two months ago? Do you not understand how numbers work? Sperm does not travel back in time. Even if you're a Palin.

    @JDryden: I read The Rogue also and found it to be very good. McGinnis had a stellar reputation as a researcher and he wrote an engaging book. You could tell how factual it was by the way Sarah Palin attacked him over it. TBH, I was intrigued by the thought of a woman VP and I tuned in the very first time she spoke to America…and it was instantly plain to me that this woman was not the one the Republicans were looking for to run for office. However, I'm surrounded by people who think she's adorable and all things good and wonderful, and I simply can't wrap my head around how they don't see her for what she really is.

  27. Andrew Says:

    @Katydid: You said she was only with her fiance for a month. You never said when that month occurred, and I have no independent knowledge (or give-a-shit) of the situation. If she only met him eight weeks ago, you're absolutely right that the fetus can't be his. Also, I'm not sure most 14-week pregnancies show that clearly, but I could be wrong.

    Either way, she's preaching abstinence, and not practicing it, which should disqualify her from preaching it. Or she could learn about (and start using) birth control and have sex every night while still preaching abstinence and no one would ever know.

  28. Greg Says:

    I'm inclined to believe McGinniss' Palin book, but he was an extraordinary hack with his true crime book. Errol Morris' deconstruction is fairly persuasive, most especially of McGinniss' invention of an amphetamine sociopathy.

  29. Robert Says:

    I have never heard the epithet Wasilla Wendigo before. I plan to use it as soon as possible. (Damn your eyes, Autocorrect, wendigo is too a real word).

  30. Big Freddie Says:

    Love the Cab…rolls left to right around corners, steering only for point to point navigation..yesss. My mom ran it without oil for two months in Arizona…then she screamed her death agony. The car, not mom.

  31. Skipper Says:

    Sarah Palin's parents-in-law live near me. When she first appeared on the scene, there was a story in the local rag saying that they hadn't voted for her as mayor of Wasilla because they didn't think she was qualified for that. Same for governor. A month or so later, there was a story that they "had been misunderstood," and they were supporting her for VP. I'm guessing they found a horse's head in their bed.

  32. democommie Says:

    The Palins remind a bit of the Addams Family, except that the Addams are NOT inhuman monsters.

  33. el mago Says:

    I dunno. Maybe a 63 Corvair. . . .

  34. Major Kong Says:

    The correct trailer-park-car should be a late 70s to mid 80s Camaro or Firebird. Not one of the collectible years or models. Preferably in a nice primer-grey color with a set of mismatched rims.

    Extra points if the paint color on at least one body panel doesn't match the rest of the car.

  35. postcaroline Says:

    I can't believe no one's pointed out the obvious, that being ED was in Wasilla shortly before Bristol announced her happy news

  36. April Says:

    Not to mention that this might actually be Bristol's THIRD baby…..

    http://jezebel.com/5791915/did-sarah-palin-carry-out-the-biggest-hoax-in-american-political-history

    Just saying…

  37. marilyn Says:

    Bristol Palin is unfortunately a product of her upbringing. The situation makes me sad, and Shakesville does a better job of explaining why than I ever could.
    http://www.shakesville.com/2015/06/on-bristol-palins-pregnancy-announcement.html

  38. democommie Says:

    @Marilyn:

    I, too, am a product of my upbringing, but I elected to not be as much of an asshole as the people who preyed on me when I was young. Bristol chooses to be the way she is, because it's a good living. Fuck her and every other person on the Wasillabilly gravytrain.