Have you ever noticed that when someone is described as "saying what everyone's thinking" or "telling it like it is" what follows is inevitably racist and "everyone" in this case means white men in their 60s or older? In 36 years I can't think of one occasion on which someone said What Everyone is Thinking that reflected what I was actually thinking. Perhaps I am just an outlier. Or maybe I'm not ideologically compatible with people who like to use phrases like that to appeal to large groups of dipshits.

This rant has been circulating online under the title "News Anchor Gets Fed Up With Obama, Says What Everyone’s Thinking In EPIC Rant." If that does not portend a string of words on the level of a local newspaper comment section, nothing does. If you choose to click this link you will see two minutes of stupidity dribbling out of the mouth of the 22 year old UNLV sorority girl who gave an impressive enough cue card reading to get a "job" with something called "One America News Network." I accept no responsibility for your choices.

There's no reason to watch, though, because you've heard this all before. What follows is standard, predictable Pamela Gellar / Donald Trump style anti-Muslim boilerplate. Blah blah appeasement, blah blah get tough, blah blah round them all up and deport them even if they're citizens, blah blah. Nothing about this is new. Nothing about this is interesting. There is a population out there, apparently, that just wants to hear it at regular intervals and preferably from a Maxim-looking white girl in her 20s.

The part that kills me is the way people pass this stuff around the internet and applaud her "bravery." So bold! So fearless! Willing to speak the truth! Listen. Going on a rant against a small minority group, no matter who it is, is never brave. Next to getting admitted to Arizona State it's probably the easiest thing to do in the United States. It involves no risk aside from the risk of being admitted to the elite circle getting fat off the Fox News Guest gravy train and the D-list conservative pundit circuit. Yes, the First Amendment protects the right to say things like this. No, re-hashing nativist, anti-immigrant, anti-everyone not like Us rhetoric does not qualify as edgy, brave, or refreshing. They're just taking turns saying the same thing to the same receptive audience of slack-jawed yokels and fearful, narcissistic suburbanites.

43 thoughts on “WOW MUCH BRAVE”

  • Are we to infer that this woman is looking to make the leap to Fox News? If so, kudos to her on a marvelous audition tape.

    Responding to her "argument"–can I call it that? I can? Really? OK–would be a task worthy of the Terrible Trivium*, but I do have to say to Ms. Lahren: B1 Bombers are not exactly state-of-the-art. Unmanned drones, and I assure you we're using them with consistency and frequency in the heartland of what you consider to be the belly of the beast, are what's what these days. Just one to grow one.

    Our response must only ever be to scatter the limbs of the dusky-hued vermin of the earth, it seems. (Please note that we must insist on the minimum amount of melanin; when whitey blows up a government building in Oklahoma, or murders a bunch of kids in Sandy Hook, those guys are just isolated incidents.)

    People who use their First Amendment rights to punch down–and attacking Muslims in America is always doing so–are basically the epitome of taking something fundamentally good and using it for evil, which, I'm not sure, but I think is about the worst thing you can do, apart from failing to signal before changing lanes.

    *Shout out to all the Tollboothers in the club, yo.

  • HoosierPoli says:

    It never fails to shock that a nation overwhelmingly decended from VERY RECENT immigrants can parrot the same arguments spewed against their own great-grandparents. When German immigration washed over the US like a wave in the 19th century you would think it was the end-times, and the complaints were identical: radical ideology incompatible with AMERICAN values, unwillingness to integrate/learn English, crowding out of deserving NATIVE-born (ha ha) Americans, etc.

    I'm not sure where Tomi Lahren's family hails from, but it sure as shit isn't the Mayflower.

  • Ed, this is closely related to the phenomenon you've written about earlier – politicians who make "hard decisions" and "tough choices" which always end up making life tougher for the poor and vulnerable. As if it was a great act of moral courage to pay for a new $650 million stadium by slashing mental health funding, closing half the city's homeless shelters, and shortening the school year by nine days.

    @J. Dryden: Ranting like a low-grade Ann Coulter impersonator is only half the challenge for a woman to get on Fox – the other half is how good she looks in heels, stockings, and a dress with high-slit sides.

  • @Major Kong: yep, young Elizabeth Hasselbeck she is. Blonde, pretty, dumber than a box o rocks. They must be clearing a cubicle for her as we speak.

  • "One America News Network"? They missed the better acronym "One Network America's News" or ONAN for short; would've really captured what they're doing. ;)

  • What an idiot. But making the argument about a woman's looks when there's so many other things to pick apart here kinda sucks. That's something I'd expect from the people who watch FOX.

  • Look, buddy. My grandparents didn't travel 3,000 miles to settle in this country just so it could be overrun with immigrants.

  • Fox is also the only "news" network that shows its female anchors from the waist down. Note that the women on Fox are almost always wearing short skirts and they make sure that you can see it.

    Now mind you, I have nothing against women in skirts. Just pointing out what Fox is doing here.

  • @HoosierPoli; in the AOL message board days, I once had to school a racist, bigoted right-wing idiot who was very, very proud of his Irish heritage, was the grandson of Irish immigrants who came to the USA in the early 1900s…and yet had NO IDEA that there ever existed the "No Irish Need Apply" signs. He refused to believe, in the age of Google and Wikipedia and The Ellis Island Project and countless other ready sources of information, that there had ever been any prejudice whatsoever against the Irish and Germans (also Italians and Chinese, but they're not Rill Murkkkuns, amirite?). In his mind Irish=white and therefore Irish=good, unlike the darker-skinned, brown-eyed hordes that were ruinin' Merkkuh for the good whites.

  • Just a thought I had; why is it that people who hear voices never hear messages like, "Make a fancy dinner for your spouse just because" or "Pay double the fine on your library books–the library could use the extra cash"? How come people who "tell it like it is" never say things like, "That color really brings out your eyes; you should wear it more" or "You're always the first one to volunteer for the sucky jobs–let me do this one"?

  • @Katydid: Well, maybe the people who say nice things do hear voices. How would we know? It's the people who make a big deal about telling you they hear voices who always seem to be seriously deranged.

  • *golf clap*

    Sure enough – she was on Fox News & Friends as a guest (the next day?). I'd bet on her making the jump to the majors at some point during this campaign.

    I love this Instagram description. (also, can we get rid of hastags already?)

    I will make an appearance on "Fox & Friends" tomorrow morning at 6:20amET to discuss my "Red, White, Blue & Unfiltered Final Thoughts" gone viral. Thank you for all the support. I don't do this for the fame, followers or Fox News offers. I do this because I have a deep love of country and strong support for our U.S. Armed Forces! I am blessed and honored by your kind words. See you tomorrow morning, America. #GodBlessAmerica #NoogaStrong #AmericaOnPoint #onpointwithtomilahren #onpoint #NavySEALs #USMC #redwhiteblue #TomiOnPoint #Tomilovesmilitary #Fox #FoxNews #FoxandFriends #staytuned #hooyah #loveofcountry #tellitlikeitis

    And almost as good is this comment to her Instagram post:
    cooter.browning Tomi is our voice, our now not-so-secret weapon against this PC run amuck, cowardly, muslim communist incompetent administration we have in Washington. Keep puttin' it straight, Tomi

    Indeed put it straight against the cowardly, muslim communist incompetent administration Tomi. Our fate is in your hands

  • Thanks for the warning? I didn't know this existed until you pointed it out and will now safely bypass it.

  • The best part is that the same people who applaud the "bravery" of a random white girl bitching about Obama on the Internet, are the people who are absolutely furious that anyone would suggest Caitlyn Jenner has any shred of courage, because soldiers exist and therefore nobody else can be brave ever in any way.

  • This lady will surely graduate from Fox and Friends to a "policy expert" on the Factor.

    I saw this linked all over the internet and my timeline with people suggesting that she said something new or interesting. I watched expecting to disagree but hoping to actually hear something I hadn't heard.

    Same old but in a prettier package.

  • Nick: A friend passed onto me the internet meme about the courageous vet "fighting for our freedom yet not getting any press unlike that w__re Kaitlyn Jenner" and I asked him what wars have been fought during the past fifty years for any freedom other than the freeom of certain segments of the Ownership Class to make billions of dollars in profits (h/t/ General Smedley Butler!)

  • Assistant Professor says:

    Given the number of Viagra and Cialis commercials on Fox, I can only be squicked out that Fox anchors serve as eye candy for an audience of impotent old men–and this young lady is going to willingly and happily join their ranks.

  • It does little good to play the dumb blonde card with respect to the news anchor’s diatribe, and by implication, pat oneself on the back for being smarter than the average bear. She undoubtedly is saying what a lot of people are thinking, albeit inane. Many have been suckered by the constant beating of war drums, which are punctuated from time to time by events that reinforce our bunker mentality. The entire complex (they’re coming for us, our fighting forces are always virtuous, take the fight to them, let's preempt them by turning their desert into glass, etc.) is a stew of nonsense that appeals to notoriously base instincts. I’d call it a Cold War relic except that it’s been a significant motivator for far longer than that. Moreover, in the communications age, bad ideas proliferate more easily (virally) and has probably led to more people being radicalized than at any time in recent history. (The presence of much, much larger existential threats having absolutely nothing to do with Islam may have triggered this psychological displacement.) How do we rise above garden-variety fear, hate, and bigotry aimed at today’s bogeyman (which keeps shifting to buttress our negative identity)? Damned if I know.

  • "Note that the women on Fox are almost always wearing short skirts and they make sure that you can see it."

    Didn't Rupert get his start showin' ladies naked from the waist up in one of his British tabloids?

  • Any Kind of Pain says:

    Your comments reminded me of that Zappa song. I always wondered whether it was generic or aimed at a particular person.

  • democmommie – Roger Ailes is Murdoch's separated-at-birth twin, requiring glass table tops in front of the female newscasters because he wanted to see their legs. Upskirt shots a bonus, I guess.

    Jesus, wotta pack of old fat perv chimps represent the id of the Republican Party. They make Jamie Dimon look like a prince among men by comparison.

    Sleek Wall Street fat cats and porcine bloviators calling the shots. We really, really, need to invent the 20th century version of the guillotine. Maybe the Chinese had the right idea after all with all those frontier labor camps. Toxic waste superfund sites throughout the West await! Or, hey, how about releasing all brown non-violent offenders from our prisons immediately, and filling up the cells with more deserving white assholes.

  • "#Tomilovesmilitary"

    I spent a pantsload of time in the U.S. Army in one form or another. I was a "lifer" in every sense of the word. But never, not once, not in my most drunken moment curled up below one of the tables at the Blue Goose in Panama with a bunch of GIs using me for a footrest did I every think a thought similar to "#Ilovesmilitary".

    That's ridiculous. It's…I'd call it "juvenile" except my kid is 12 and his understanding of soldiers and civilians, war and peace is more adult than that. I'd call it "militarist" except…well, no. It IS militarist. ISTM to show a complete and utter lack of understanding of how people – especially U.S. citizens – should view the men and women they ask to do their geopolitical dirty work for them.

    Soldiers? Salt of the earth, a lot of 'em. The U.S. Army? An institution that has played a huge role in our history and my life. "The military"? What the hell is that when it's at home?

    It's this kind of thing that makes me wonder if these damn people don't watch repeated viewings of "Starship Troopers" and mistake it for a documentary.

  • @FDChief

    I spent 21 years in the Air Force and Air National Guard.
    Retired as a Lt. Colonel.

    I find stuff like "#Tomilovesmilitary" to be more than a bit creepy. It reminds me of something I'd expect from the Soviet Union, ironically enough.

  • It reminds me of when (some) people back in the XXth century praised Camille Paglia for her courage in saying things nobody else would say. Ah, ha ha ha.

    The idea that we're living in a culture in which straight white men are an oppressed class, Christianity is on the verge of being criminalized, and the poor are exploiting the rich requires a disconnect from objective reality so profound as to stagger my imagination.

  • @Major Kong

    Got out as an E-7(P), and I found that most of the old Sovs were pretty cynical about their armed forces. A lot more skeptical than this, anyway. Probably had to do with everyone knowing draftees drinking antifreeze strained through a loaf of bread and getting beatdowns from the senior privates.

    For me its the ignorance, not the militarism. If I thought that Tomi had any idea what the "military" really does I wouldn't be so creeped out. But from here it's like watching someone dress up in a butcher's apron and stand next to the killing chute at the meatpacking plant cheering for the guy with the humane killer instead of someone who understands that, as Bill Sherman said, war is all hell and you cannot refine it.

  • @Katydid,

    Booman covered that ground eloquently in his shredding of David Brooks' whitesplaining column about Ta-Nehisi Coates' new book.

    Your AOL idiot, and people who should damned well know better, like that execrable shitheel Pat Buchanan, forgot how hard their great-grandparents fought to be accepted as 'white' in this country.

  • Imagine if we swapped out "Muslim" for "Southern White Hate Groups" in this rant. After all, the poor disturbed kid in Tennessee is a "Muslim Terrorist" and represents every Muslim in the US now, right? So why doesn't the same apply to Dylan Roof, another disturbed kid in South Carolina. Why doesn't he represent every White Power idiot out there? Imagine the outcry if a black person suggested rounding up all the Angry White Power people and shipping them off to Germany or Scotland.

    I am struck at how similar they are, and how similar their crimes were. One results in some flag being taken down and a bunch of angry white people screaming about heritage and the other has a bunch of angry white people yelling about immigrants and religion. Two kids, barely in their 20s, who made a similar drug-addled choice to harm others with guns, and we learn nothing.

  • Slightly off topic, maybe, but about that age thing, you 36-year-old white man I'm ominously close to calling a young whippersnapper. I just turned into a 60-year-old white man and, no, "everyone" in this case doesn't mean white men in their 60s or older. Every screaming anti-Reaganite punk I ever threw vegetables at motorcades with when you were, ummm… 4 years old? is now at or pushing 60 from one side or the other. We're all still disgusted as far as I can tell, just fatter and more in need of a stiff drink before the news comes on. As is obvious given the subject of this post (a 22-year old female racist yahoo who's really the most insignificant of recent, more horrific examples) America's Young Racist breeding program is still viable, and gender-neutral.

    That's why it bothers me. This "old white men" schtick implies that we (you, actually; I'm hoping to die before the water to my state gets cut off forever and ten thousand wildfires link hands and burn the whole fucking thing down to sand and ashes) can just outlive them. You can't. There's more of them growing up in their little Jesus-rode-a-dinosaur state-sponsored "schools" right now. Fewer than before? Maybe so, but they're working on that with the disenfranchisement thing. And in any case I'm afraid the fewer there are, the more viciously resentful, and then dangerous, they'll be.

    (Also when I saw #Tomilovesmilitary" I naturally assumed a uniform fetish. Which, come to think of it, it probably is.)

  • Bitter Scribe says:

    What exactly does she want us to do? Send B-1s over "radical Islam"? Does she think Radical Islam is the name of a country or something?

Comments are closed.