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What does John McCain's dick taste like?

I don't know, ask Chris Matthews (or Brian Williams, or any other anchor who makes the joke work for you).

As we get deeper into this election it is becoming increasingly obvious that we are wasting a whole lot of time, money, and energy. If the media's behavior for the past three months continues for the next six, then the election is going to be a foregone conclusion.

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The status quo – every single word Obama says, every person he's ever met in his life, and every square inch of his past is put under a microscope and blasted with both barrels while McCain parades around in a halo – means that the outcome in November is predetermined.

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As you try to restrain yourself from killing someone the next time you hear the phrase "Reverend Wright," just try to imagine what the media would be doing to the Democratic candidates if they had John McCain's 2008.

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Imagine what they'd do to Obama if he said he didn't know dick about the economy. Imagine what Hannity would say about Clinton if she didn't know the difference between Sunni and Shia, Iran and Iraq. Imagine the temperature of the coals over which they'd be raked if they blathered on about fighting the influence of lobbyists while being one of the biggest hookers in Washington.

People essentially receive no information about the election that doesn't come from the media.

If they persist in the pattern of giving overwhelming skepticism and scrutiny to one party while responding to the other with slack-jawed credulity and stenography, I am more than dubious that average voters will take it upon themselves to ask skeptical questions and research the answers.

WHAT SUPERDELEGATES ARE FOR

You're going to have to cut me a little slack today. I just graded 55 research papers (varying in quality from "life-affirming" to "relevatory" to….remember the Holocaust? Like that.) and, after a 4 hour break, must start on 55 blue books.

Or I might drink a nice warm glass of paint. It's too early to rule anything out.

So everyone in America knows what a superdelegate is, or at least has heard the term and wondered. A question I am commonly asked is, quite simply, what the fuck? It's not an intuitively practical idea. It boils down to this: superdelegates exist to prevent exactly what is happening right now. When I put it that way it seems even more logical.
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By reserving 20% of the available delegates for party insiders, elected officials, and other people whose decisions are not made by the primaries, the Democratic Party was establishing a safety valve. If the primary/caucus process failed to produce a clear winner, the superdelegates would step in and (this is the important part) make a unanimous decision to determine the nominee. It only works if they act in unison. That was the whole point; if the party is split 50-50, the 20% superdelegates would act as one to tip the balance. What these certified geniuses have failed to realize is that if they divide into factions roughly proportional to the electorate, then there might as well be no superdelegates at all.
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What they need is a dark, windowless room and someone to lock them in it. Howard Dean is not an idiot, and although he lacks the legal authority to force the superdelegates to do anything he's not short on persuasive power. He keeps hinting at the end in Friedman Units (soon…always soon….May 1, and then the end of May, then June 15, then mid-summer…) but if he's strategic he understands that the matter is somewhat more urgent. The only way to come to a positive resolution is if the superdelegates do what they're supposed to be doing. They need to come to a consensus. No public debate, no justifications, no politicking – just come out of the dark room and say "We choose ____.
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This press conference is over."

The Democrats have been the L.A. Clippers of politics for three decades for a reason, though. The inability to avoid doing the transparently self-destructive as a party seems to be one of the prerequisites for membership since the 60s.

IRAQI ENDGAME

James K. Polk was a noteworthy president, worthy of a better fate than to be forgotten outside of the dozens of middle schools that bear his name. George W. Bush has certainly sampled liberally from the Polk playbook, although that he did so consciously is dubious. That he knows who James K. Polk is, for that matter, is dubious.

After the U.S. annexed Texas in 1845, Mexico was pretty irritated. They had ideas of hanging on to it (and a lot of other territory). Polk was convinced that pre-emptive war with Mexico was necessary to protect the newly-stateified (not a word) Texas from the inevitable Mexican attack. The problem was that he couldn't talk Congress into declaring war, which used to be a prerequisite to the U.S. being in a war. Quaint days, those were.

Here's where Polk got crafty.

He exercised his Commander-in-Chief powers to mobilize a large portion of the Army (under Zachary Taylor) to the U.S.-Mexican border. A funny thing happens when two armies from hostile nations are in close proximity; they start fighting. They progress from trading insults to threats to hot lead. And Polk understood that once a war begins, there's no effective way to stop it without dire consequences. So the first time an angry, sun-stroked Mexican soldier lost control of his itchy trigger finger, the Army said "We were attacked" and responded with both barrels. Lo and behold, Congress declared war shortly thereafter. Start the war first, get approval second. Brilliant. Think about Congress's preferences. 1) No war 2) Win war 3) Lose war. Eliminate #1 and their next highest preference becomes the dominant strategy – even when "victory" is nebulous and undefinable.

The people responsible for starting the war in Iraq understood this (Our Leader not being among that group). While the less intelligent among them believed in their faith-based projections – they'll hail us as their liberators, the fighting will be over in 6 weeks, and all the various factions will get along – but the real architects of the war…..they knew. They knew that all they had to do was start it.
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Start it and, like a rudderless ocean liner that goes nowhere but never stops, it will take on a self-sustaining momentum of its own.

As I listen to the various presidential candidates' positions on the war, something that we've been whispering as a nation since 2004 has become inescapable: there is no endgame. There is no "good" solution. There's not even a solution. No one has a plan. And that was the plan all along. It's a colossal clusterfuck, and leaving makes it worse. The goal was to entangle the military in a terrible situation which could only get worse following a withdrawl.

The reason I do not give two shits about this election is that the candidates all lead to the same outcome – we're in Iraq for four more years, and then four more after that. Repeat an indeterminate, but likely large, number of times. Obama and Clinton might actually believe that they're going to end our involvement. Does anyone else? Sadly I think a lot of people do. They are in for a real disappointment in that case. The hypothetical Democratic presidents will be cowed into staying in order to "look tough" to the Republican and military establishment. Or they'll simply bow to the overwhelming logistical impossibility of leaving.

It breaks my heart to see so many people pouring their hearts and souls into Obama. Not only am I dubious of his odds at this point, but his election will result in far less "change" than his followers are expecting.

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I suppose every generation needs that political figure who represents their crushing disillusionment with politics – a McGovern for the present day. Sure, the Democratic candidates will nibble around the edges of our involvement in Iraq, making slow, token withdrawls, treating the troops a little better, and not so blatantly using the conflict as a welfare fund for defense contractors. But there's no escaping our continued involvement.
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Another generation of young voters will learn that the differences are all in the margins; the things that really matter are entirely beyond our control.

NARRATIVE vs. REALITY

You're watching your favorite football team (if you loathe the sport, play along for a moment) on a nice, relaxing Sunday. Five minutes into the third quarter the score is 42-3. Like clockwork, one of the announcers inevitably says, "This game ain't over yet…(insert losing team here) is the kind of team that can make up these points in a hurry!" His fellow announcer gamely concurs, elaborating a scenario in which the losing team makes up the deficit.

What such insipid commentary really means is obvious: Please don't change the channel. We lose a lot of advertising money if you do.

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Most importantly, we think you're enough of a mouth-breathing idiot to fall for our bald effort to create drama where none exists.

The dynamic of the current Democratic presidential nomination contest has not changed in the three weeks since I began writing this post – it is, by all but the most implausible of scenarios, mathematically impossible for Hillary Clinton to win. I am stunned, although certainly not surprised, that this fact has been almost entirely absent from the media's coverage. Seems relevant to me.

It is tempting to chalk this up to some flavor of media bias, but the idea of the media going out of its way to give Hillary Clinton a booster seat is dubious to say the least. No, this seems more like good old fashioned commercial bias. The "drama" provides a cheap, consistent storyline that appeals to both the media's lust for ratings and their thundering journalistic laziness. There's nothing the sponsors hate more than a game that's over by halftime.

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ANATOMY OF A PARTISAN GERRYMANDER

Teaching students at IU about partisan gerrymandering is very easy. It requires only a map of the district in which they live.

IN-9

What are some of the red flags that indicate a gerrymander? Split counties. Boundaries that just barely include (Bloomington) or exclude (Columbus) major towns or cities. Irregular shape. Failure to use logical and major features like Interstate highways, rivers, or county lines to create borders. Poor compactness. It's very safe to say that this district was drawn in a manner that took into account factors other than population and geography.

Redistricting is controlled by state legislatures – in Indiana's case the process involves both chambers. In 2001, when districts were last re-drawn, the legislature was split. Democrats narrowly controlled the House and Republicans had a lopsided advantage in the Senate (32-18). The result was therefore a mixed bag. Republican influence was significant but mitigated by the Democrats' precarious hold on the House.
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Compromises were made; the process was not nearly as one-sided as in other states with unified partisan control.

That said, what was the political motive underlying the image you see above? First, the GOP needed to minimize the impact of Bloomington, which is significantly more liberal than the rest of southern Indiana. Second, help Congressional Republicans make competitive a seat held by Democrats Lee Hamilton (1965-1999) and Baron Hill (1999-2005) since the invention of fire.

Bloomington is a hot potato in the redistricting process. Having it in one's district would benefit liberal candidates and hurt conservatives. The irregular shape of the 9th District, which appears to have some sort of cancerous outgrowth that reaches out to engulf Bloomington, is a function of efforts to "balance" the liberal town with a wide swath of ultra-conservative but sparsely populated southern Indiana. This provides an advantage to Republicans in adjacent districts, sparing them the challenge of dealing with Bloomington.
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It also creates, or so statewide Republicans hoped, a 9th District that the GOP might reasonably hope to contest if not win.
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In other words, if they couldn't make it majority-Republican they wanted to make the Democrats sweat over it. Did it work?

Cue the news that Mike Sodrel is challenging incumbent Baron Hill in 2008. If this sounds familiar, that's because this is the fourth consecutive election in which these two have squared off. That's right. In 2002, Hill won with barely over 50% of the vote. Sodrel won by less than 1100 votes in 2004, one of the narrowest Congressional races in years.
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Hill won his seat back in 2006 by a slightly larger margin. Both parties expect it to be tooth-and-nail competitive again in 2008. As the graphic in the linked WSJ article shows, increasing amounts of money, national media attention, and interest from the national parties have accompanied the close results.

Most folks know almost nothing about redistricting, yet it powerfully impacts the competitiveness and outcomes of legislative races. Redistricting and reapportionment have become pitched battles on multiple fronts – political, legislative, and legal (redistricting plans almost inevitably end up the subject of numerous lawsuits and legal challenges based on the provisions of the Voting Rights Act) – conducted by self-interested legislators with personal and partisan motivations. The amount of manipulation done to district boundaries and the varying motives for doing so leave us to wonder: Are you choosing your legislators or are your legislators choosing you?

ACTIVELY NEGATIVE

James David Barber is rather famous – or about as famous as professors of political science can get in the Real World – on account of his landmark study and classification of presidential personalities. Since you're not my damn students I won't sit here and lecture you at length about his work. Let me give you the brief version before explaining why you might care.

You and I have no contact with presidents or presidential candidates. We can't get to know them or understand their personalities. All we get are carefully staged, often scripted words and images through the media. So it's not possible to engage in armchair psychology and claim that we can assign some personality disorder or qualities to George W. Bush. But what we can do is observe them and get a basic sense of what kind of person we're dealing with based on two simple questions: is he a positive or negative person? Is he active or passive?

On this basis he created a four-part typology (active-negative, active-positive, passive-negative, passive-positive). Long story short, active-negatives are the folks to watch out for.** Examples include George W. Bush, Nixon, and LBJ. Because of low self-esteem, they crave power, surround themselves with toadies, and are psychologically incapable of admitting that they are wrong. They're paranoid, seeing threats everywhere, and often consider themselves to be above the law. Barber wrote his book right before Watergate broke, and his description of Nixon as a classic active-negative was soon borne out by the events of the day. Hence Barber's fame.

Active-negatives are not always "bad presidents." One could argue that Nixon, W, and LBJ accomplished some valuable things in office. But they have obsessions – Vietnam, Iraq, or a list of "enemies" – that bring out their bat-shit insane side and their eventual downfall. Self-esteem is the fundamental concept in Barber's opinion – active-positives have it, and thus they quickly rebound from embarassing failures (Clinton, FDR, Lincoln). Active-negatives don't, and they are too insecure to admit defeat or accept criticism. They develop an Ahab-like obsession with proving themselves right. Hence the years of hemmoraging lives and money into Vietnam long after Johnson stated that the war had become a lost cause, for example.

Why do you care? Maybe you don't. But as someone who is very familiar with the analysis, let me offer you two cents on what we're dealing with right now.

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Barack Obama is a classic active-positive. Relentlessly optimistic, ambitious but not craven, able to move past his fuck-ups, and utterly undaunted by the fact that going from State Rep to President in 6 years is ludicrous. One thing that many people misunderstand about Barber – active-positive does not equal "good." Clinton wasn't that good of a president. But he fit active-positive to a tee. Obama does too.

John McCain is the classic passive-negative.
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Military men turned politicians usually are. He's not energetic and doesn't look like he's really enjoying what he does. He does it because of a sense of duty (snicker…"duty.") He's not chock-full of ambitious ideas (most of his platform appears to be recycled, standard GOP fare). He lets the action come to him, choosing to react rather than act. Note that passive-negatives are not "bad." Washington and Eisenhower did alright.
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Hillary Clinton is pure active-negative. Her win-at-all-costs mentality, and a complete inability to accept defeat, officially scare the shit out of me. She baldly craves power and appears to be willing to behead her own mother to get it.

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When it became mathematically impossible for her to defeat Obama in the delegate count, her immediate reaction was to unveil a new strategy of trying to corrupt pledged delegates. How, she does not say; threats, bribery, coercion, pleading….there doesn't appear to be a depth to which she will not go to win. And she isn't stupid, so certainly it must be clear that doing something so inimical to the democratic process will devolve the nomination into a months-long circus of disorder and bad publicity. 1968 all over again, while McCain sits back and smiles. Hillary Clinton understands but does not care; the attitude is simply "If I can't have it, no one will."

Maybe I'm wrong; people frequently disagree about something as subjective as Barber's psychology-from-afar analysis. If I'm right, the best-case scenario is a Lyndon Johnson-type presidency; that is, one marred by a single fatal flaw. The worst-case scenario is a woman who, denied the power her ego needs, salts the Earth behind her.

OBERWEIS UBER ALLES

Much has been made in the national media of the fact that former Speaker Dennis Hastert's seat was won by a Democrat in a special election.

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That has shock value as a headline – "Democrat wins GOP Speaker's Seat" – especially if one knows Chicagoland and realizes that the district is in DuPage County (high-income, ultra-conservative festung suburbia). What the media crucially neglect to mention, however, is that Johnny Democrat was running against Jim Oberweis, who is categorically out of his fucking mind. He is also the Los Angeles Clippers of Illinois politics, losing Senate races in 2002 and 2004, a race for Governor in 2006, and now this.

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If anything, I think the results of the special election are depressing – this bag of fluid, whose policy positions consist mostly of ranting against immigration, got 45% of the vote.

WHAT'S PITIFUL IS THAT THIS IS PITIFUL

John McCain has been the butt of some humor lately on account of his comparatively spartan fund-raising in February. In that month the Clinton campaign raised about $35 million, Obama raised an undisclosed amount "significantly more" than that, and McCain pulled up the ass-end of the parade with $12 million. Bad news for McCain, you say, showing a stunning mastery of the obvious. It certainly isn't good news (although it's less daunting than it appears.*) I'm more amazed at how completely we have managed to ignore the fact that raising $12 million in 29 days is now considered laughable.

I am very repetitive in my criticism of the exponentially rising cost of our elections. It's just absurd, and I don't think most Americans realize just how absurd it is.

  • In 1996, the Dole-Kemp campaign raised a total of million in the general election period, beating the Clinton-Gore team by million.
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    Twelve years later, two Democratic candidates raised comparable or greater amounts in a single month of the primary season.

  • In 2000, George W. Bush dropped jaws by showing up to the primaries with $47 million on hand. Clinton and Obama both had million on hand by 1/1/08, and several other candidates (Romney, Edwards, Giuliani, McCain) have neared or surpassed million by now.
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  • In 1992, Clinton and Bush spent a combined $123 million in the general election period – or about 75% of what Barack Obama has raised before the primaries are even finished. And Hillary is not far behind him.

    If the increase in campaign costs was linear, each presidential election would be 10 or 20 percent more expensive than its predecessor. Instead the costs are essentially doubling every four to eight years. After Bush and Kerry combined to spend half a billion dollars in 2004 (!!!

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    ) I've been telling everyone who will listen (and students who have no choice but to listen) that this is going to be our first billion-dollars-on-the-books* election. With the three major candidates jacking up $100 million in fuckin' February, my billion-dollar estimate is probably going to be very wrong. That is pretty damn common, but I didn't think I'd miss low on this one.

    *Clinton and Obama are spending huge portions of that to battle one another, so in practice a lot of this money "cancels out" money raised by the opponent. Nonetheless, in the abstract McCain has to be terrified that the combined Democratic fund raising in one month was seven goddamn times his total. As in McCain = x, Democrats = 7x. Ouch.
    **That's actual "hard money" raised directly by the campaigns and on the books with the FEC. Counting the various soft money and "independent expenditures" by other groups, more than $2 billion was spent in 2004 and I'd expect $5 billion to be spent this year.

  • POLL SMOKIN'

    It has been a while since we spoke about the presidential election, mostly because we need the break. The key to maintaining sanity until November is to pace oneself. Nonetheless I have a pair of related questions that need answering.

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    Please note that they are not rhetorical.

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    1. With every indicator suggesting that the Democratic candidate should have a decided advantage in the general election, why does current polling show McCain ahead or in a dead heat?

    2. What exactly is McCain's appeal?

    On the first point, if you read this website regularly you are well aware of how I feel about public opinion polling in general and mass media-conducted polling in particular. At its top-dollar best it is wildly inaccurate, unstable, and susceptible to enormous variance from factors as prosaic as question order and syntax. At its worst it is flat-out misleading.
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    This general skepticism aside, I do believe that polls measure something and therefore have value. And despite the fact that Democratic primary turnout has dwarfed GOP turnout in nearly every state, often by lopsided margins, the statistically insignificant portion of the electorate that is polled seems evenly divided. I am not overly fond of the media trope about how well McCain appeals to "moderates" and "undecided" voters, as any such appeal would logically be offset by what he loses in far-right evangelical Christian support. Have McCain and his pandering sluts in the media successfully programmed Americans into thinking that he is some sort of ideological maverick / pragmatist / magical shaman? How so many Americans could claim to want the war to end while professing support for this guy is beyond me.

    Second, what is McCain's appeal? I struggle to think of a major presidential candidate who is or was a worse public speaker. He looks like he's delivering his speeches off of index cards – and at gunpoint. He talks into his chest, he appears to be dangerously close to falling asleep during his speeches, he has that Al Gore 2000-style pedantic tone of voice, and the only things he says with any conviction are that A) torture is bad and B) we need to start a few more wars in the middle east. He's not attractive, he's not young, he's not energetic, and his "message" is a pastiche of ideas taken from the past 30 years of GOP candidates. Most importantly, he's not appealing to the hardcore conservative base.

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    To whom is this bag of fluid appealing? And how?

    Mysteries, at least to me.

    THE SCENARIOS

    (For no apparent reason beyond love, I am going to write "The Scenarios" in the style of Kafka's "The Sons." This is the kind of thing one needs to expect/endure from a man with a Kafka tattoo.)

    I have three scenarios.

    My first scenario is my favorite, and yet I have so little faith in it. While my heart supports it I fear that it is simply too impractical to survive in this world. This scenario insists that John McCain, who obviously has the GOP nomination in the bag now, is simply not something that the all-important Bible Thumping Inbred Nutcase wing of his party can accept. Said faction will instead create and promote their own independent/third party candidate, perhaps Huckabee. Or Fred Phelps. Or Jimmy Swaggart. Who knows. But thanks to the "brilliance" of Karl Rove, the GOP is now so heavily dependent on that portion of the electorate that their loss is not survivable. In this scenario, either Democratic nominee will coast to victory over a divided Republican Party. I wish this scenario all the best.

    My second scenario is an ill-tempered and ungrateful one. It believes that there is nothing wrong with the GOP coalition, and its extremists will learn to love McCain as an arranged bride must learn to love the husband to whom she was sold for livestock.

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    While this scenario does not include a third-party challenger from the far right, it does not believe that McCain can extend his support much beyond the hardcore GOP base. Too many Republicans and independents are disillusioned by 8 years of Bush to vote for another right-wing war hawk. The Democratic nominee wins, albeit not comfortably, over a united but weakened GOP.

    My third scenario terrifies me. I loathe it but I realize that it is often the most immoral and horrific things that succeed in this world. It will be almost statistically impossible for either Obama or Hillary to put the other away now, as only ~1700 delegates remain and each candidate needs about 1000 more to win the nomination. As their fight drags on into the late summer, McCain – now essentially unopposed – will use the time to convince all of the "disaffected" suburban Republicans what a "maverick" and "independent" he is.

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    Look!, he says, Ann Coulter and James Dobson hate me! The tens of thousands of Republicans will slowly realize that they really only care about getting tax cuts every 18 months, and they will tell themselves that It's OK to Vote For McCain – He's Different!tm Of course they are right. He is different than Bush, which is to say he is more tolerable on a handful of issues and much, much worse on others.

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    Like foreign policy. They will sweep their It's OK Because He's Different, Therefore We Still Voted For Change candidate into the White House, and after 4 years of St. McCain (and VP Lieberman) we'll be drafting people to man the wars in Iran, Syria, North Korea, Lebanon, and so on. I would be ashamed of this scenario if my experience with the selfishness, lability, and powers of self-delusion among the electorate did not so clearly suggest that it is correct.

    These are my three scenarios.