ABANDON THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS, FOR THEY TEACH NO RUG BRAIDING

There are very few things that can honestly cause me to make a downward adjustment in my outlook on mankind, but I'm pretty sure that the Training Our Daughters to be Keepers at Home website is one of them.


Irrefutable evidence that God does, contrary to popular opinion, make junk

It chronicles the home-schooled education of the daughters of Phil and Ginny (pictured) Ingram, who decided that their methods of warping their children were so wonderful and Godly that they had to share it with all of us.

At this point, assuming you have at least glanced at the link, I challenge anyone to bet me $10 that one or both of those girls will not end up A) a bondage-obsessed coke-snorting lesbian B) dead by suicide C) in a bell tower with a .223 bolt-action rifle and a thermos full of Excedrin pills.

For those who choose not to browse directly, I'll cover some of the topics that Mr. and Mrs. Ingram were prescient enough to realize that our public schools do not teach: Godly Womanhood, Flower Arranging, Child Bearing, Raising Small Animals, Making Greeting Cards, Caring for the Elderly, and other things that have me on my hands and knees praying for a fucking comet to hit the Earth.

Please note: nothing on that list is an actual educational subject.

In 1979, despairing of the Carter administration's inability to free American hostages in Iran, Ross Perot's crazy ass hired an army of mercenaries to go spring some of his employees. While such vigilanteism was met with condemnation by everyone to the political left of Randy Weaver, it was nonetheless effective. I had never previously considered the moral propriety of such an act, but at this point I believe the most noble thing I could do in this lifetime would involve hiring a half-dozen Blackwater Security guys to go rescue those poor girls.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE FILL THIS WOMAN'S GUESTBOOK WITH BILE.

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15 Responses to “ABANDON THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS, FOR THEY TEACH NO RUG BRAIDING”

  1. mike Says:

    You know how there's that way to contact and hire members of the '85 bears to give speeches and whatnot – i think we need to hire as many members of that team as possible to free those girls.

    Otis Wilson will piledrive the head teacher – Singletary and the punky QB will make a run for the children; Gary Fencik will guard the 46 zone.

  2. Sara Says:

    Is it wrong that I have a strong urge to learn how to do more than half of those things?

    Perhaps this is my calling to become a nun.

  3. mike Says:

    Wow. Way to go viewers. Her guestbook is down because of offensive posts. Who wrote what? Leave a comment telling us what you said. You all bring a tear to our eyes, god bless you all. check this out (off the bottom of that education page):


    Due to attacks from those who would see this site taken down and those who are teaching this material to their daughters stopped, I am forced to remove my email address from this website, as well as deny access to the site's guestbook. I apologize for any inconvenience, and would ask those who know God's Truth to pray. Thank you.

  4. Valerie Says:

    It is sad that these girls are being raised according to such sexist notions of womanhood.

    Is it perhaps sadder that, after enduring such a shitty upbringing, they may be deluded into thinking that these things will actually be helpful in finding marital happiness?

    I have to think they will be puzzled and forlorn to realize their weaving and card making skills are not on the top of most guys' list of "desirable traits" in a future wife.

    Then again, maybe (undoubtedly I suppose) they are fishing for mates in an entirely different pond than you or I occupy.

    I would also like to add that this woman seems to have perfected the "Christian" ideal of being a FRUMPY BEAST of a woman. Let's hope her offspring take their eyebrow grooming lessons from someone who doesn't slap hers on with an Ace Hardware indoor/outdoor 2" paintbrush. I think that too would constitute a necessary "godly wiving" skill.

  5. Valerie Says:

    Holy shit guys — the website has been taken down.

    As the holy ones might say, "It is truly a sign."

  6. mike Says:

    god bless the wayback machine. They had an old cache of her page, which had the link to her guestbook, which is now in the entry for this:

    http://books.dreambook.com/gingram110/guestbook.html

    She'll have the ability to delete entries – so if any ginandtacoers left a comment she may have removed it (anyone do this?). Val, her page is going up and down because her hosting may suck.

    And God is angry.

  7. Dave Says:

    If you want the exact opposite of this website, visit jeffgoldblumiswatchingyoupoop.com. I'm going to include this in every post I make, so you'd better.

  8. Ed Says:

    dave that link does nothing.

    you have failed me for the last time.

  9. HS Says:

    I was surprised to read the comments posted. Why are you so uptight about someone teaching their kids rug braiding if they want to? Who cares? Every parent teaches their kids what they believe in, whether they like it or not. It would appear you teach yours vigilantism…

  10. HS Says:

    I was surprised to read the comments posted. Why are you so uptight about someone teaching their kids rug braiding if they want to? Who cares? Every parent teaches their kids what they believe in, whether they like it or not. It would appear you teach yours vigilantism…

  11. click here Says:

    Good Point. Anyways, this was where i met her. You can join for free as well http://www.redtricircle.com

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    Why do you spend so much energy berating Ginny and Phil for expressing their beliefs and seeking others who think alike? I attended public school and warched people learn almost nothing alongside others who became highly respected and productive citizens of all types.
    You remind me of a child toilet-papering a house just because the people who live there are slightly different than you and are happy that way. GROW UP!! Find something good to do with your time.