Reviving the fervor of the phrase: "I'll give my left nut."

What with the recent Super Bowl and all, we in the United States are at risk of feeling that we have a monopoly on obsessive, ridiculous sports fandom.

Americans are known to engage in such absurd actions as painting their chests and going shirtless in subzero weather, rushing the field for no apparent reason (landing themselves in jail), engaging in fistacuffs with the opposing team members, and eating dangerously fattening snack foods and sausages.

Yet, through it all, have they ever…..REMOVED THEIR OWN TESTICLES?



You can obviously see the connection

So, this is apparently how it went down. This complete lunatic told his drinking buddies that in the event of a Welsh victory over England in the Six Nations Cup, he would in fact sever his own testicles. This comes as virtually no surprise considering the fact that:

a. I am sure similar amazingly stupid statements have been uttered at a wide variety of sporting events.

b. The man is Welsh…

The shocking part of this story is the simple fact that upon Wales ending up victorious the man apparently took some sharp implement to his balls, removed them, and returned to the bar to boast to his friends. I am sure the conversation went something like this.

Severed-balls man: Hey bitches, bet you think you're a fan of the Welsh national team but are any of you cocksuckers willing to remove your own testicles to prove your love of the sport?!?

severed-balls man extends his hand to reveal two freshly cut bits of manhood

Random Rugby fan: But you are aware that despite your pure love of rugby, you will now never be able to properly love a woman – or most likely a man in your case.

Severed-balls man: Oh fuck, you're right. Someone call an ambulance.

There is no word as of right now whether the hospital attempted to reattach the testicles or not.

According to the Daily Mirror: "He came back later wearing a kilt with his testicles in a bag," a fellow fan who was with Mr Huish at the social club told the Daily Mirror.

"He lifted the kilt up to show everyone what he had done. There was blood everywhere, it was terrible. That's when he collapsed."

Updates: According to The Scotsman Online: "Staff phoned the emergency services and put the testicles in a pint glass filled with ice cubes. "

And finally the mirror.co.uk: "He will need cosmetic surgery and may be given a prosthetic scrotum."

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4 Responses to “Reviving the fervor of the phrase: "I'll give my left nut."”

  1. Ed Says:

    "There is no word as of right now whether the hospital attempted to reattach the testicles or not. "

    I think it is fairly safe to assume that they did not, if for no reason other than to make an example of this eunuch.

  2. erik Says:

    I searched several stories about this man.

    The most amusing thing is that nearly every one had a short two-three sentence synopsis of the match at the end.

    for example: "Wales's 11-9 win in Cardiff was their first at home over England in 12 years. "

    at the end of an article in The Australian News.

  3. Jeff Says:

    A prosthetic scrotum? Nifty idea. Can you keep your keys, cell phone, etc. in there?

    I have to wonder what impact this sort of behaviour has on the pub's business. I smell a theme night!

  4. K Says:

    I'm just imagining a tv movie about the dangers of too much alcohol and welshmen where, at the denouement, the camera focuses in on testicles bobbing gently in a blood-spattered pint glass on the bar. Kids, don't let this happen to you.