SO IT'S SETTLED

We'll just have one mass shooting per week in exchange for the continued failure to address any of the problems related to gun control and violence in our society. Furthermore, they will continue in the current rotating order of courthouse (Federal offices of any kind are acceptable), church, and school (hospitals may be substituted in a pinch).

If the mass shootings violate their portion of the agreement by increasing in number to two or three per week, we'll consider reconsidering.

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6 Responses to “SO IT'S SETTLED”

  1. Dave. Says:

    Let's just hope no-one's left braindead in these shootings. Sorry, that's bad taste. Where I say 'Braindead', I actually mean 'unable to function on any fundamental level necessary to qualify as a human life, but otherwise enjoying the standard of living of any middle-class American.'

    Sorry. Glad I cleared that up.

  2. J. Dryden Says:

    The problem here is that the morons responsible for putting the gun in the kid's hand are themselves dead, and thus not around to be made a suitable example of. (Though winding up dead is quite the cautionary tale, it doesn't have the sting of facing a good, vigorous prosecution with accompanying pillorying in the court of public opinion.) Seems to me that the solution to this problem is just to pass a law saying that if a minor under your care gets hold of your gun(s) and pulls a Dodge City, you get to face the music to the tune of "full-blown accomplice." Might keep a few more trigger-locks in place, a few more gun cabinets closed with something more than a non-jigger-proof latch. But such a law will never pass, because it would be asking voters to take MORE responsibility for their actions, which they (we) will never do.

  3. Dave. Says:

    I'm sure if you look hard enough you'll find the actual problem here is rock music and videogames.

  4. James Says:

    I would agree w/ having the adult gun owner charged as an accomplice. There is no excuse for not having guns locked up. I am a gun owner but they're all inside my safe, no way in hell a kid would be able to get at that.

  5. Matt Says:

    (generic Breast Augmentation? I want specific Breast Augmentation!)

    What ever happened to pissed off ex-employees returning to Post Offices and going on shooting sprees, there? They started this whole trend, but they've been slacking. I seriously think we need to consider redifining the term 'going postal.'

  6. Ambrosini Says:

    I would like to point out a similar issue just happening in California. The Governator signed a bill to make buying .50 caliber guns/ammo illegal. The NRA followed this up by annoucing that they are supporting a new caliber standard, .499, called the Girlie Man.

    To funny.