FOX PRESENTS: WHEN LEFT-HANDED PITCHERS ATTACK

Given Chicago's long and proud history of bringing unmitigated, irrational violence to the baseball diamond (which I chronicled a few weeks ago as Chicago Baseball Uber Alles) I see the no option but for a Chicago team to trade for Kenny "The Gambler" Rogers.

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Without provocation, Rogers went bat-shit loco on a pair of hapless TV cameramen Wednesday. After deciding that he did not want them cameras in his face, he shouted "Get them cameras out of my face" toward reporters as the Texas Rangers began the pre-game warmup. He then struck 50 year-old cameraman Larry Rodriguez (who ended up in the hospital) and smashed his camera on the ground. He informed others present that he would "break every fuckin' one of them" before a teammate removed him from the field.

My favorite part about this is not that Rogers (miraculously enjoying his best season as a pro at age 40 after nearly two decades in the league) has embarassed himself, cost himself money, and forfeited a spot on the All-Star team. No, the humor provided by the team and his teammates explaining his actions is much more entertaining.

  • Rangers owner Tom Hicks said the team won't condone Rogers' actions and will handle the matter internally. Well thanks for not condoning felony assault, Tom. And I'm not sure the ol' Catholic church "we'll handle this internally" theory will fly.
  • GM John Hart: "Kenny obviously realizes his actions were incorrect." Are we talking about an adult or my three year old nephew?
  • Rogers: "I didn't handle this right. I'm frustrated. My integrity and toughness is being called into question." Well, assaulting an old man has cleared up questions about your integrity.

    Gotta love those pro athlete double standards. Try beating a cameraman up next time you see one. Let us know if you go to jail or are allowed to "handle the matter internally."

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  • 2 Responses to “FOX PRESENTS: WHEN LEFT-HANDED PITCHERS ATTACK”

    1. Ambrosini Says:

      Will do.

    2. Ed Says:

      Update: Rogers is named to the All-Star team, netting a $50,000 contractual bonus in the process.

      Clearly, society has made an example of this man.