WATCH OUT, DAVID…DEATH COMES IN THREES

On the heels of the passing of Ol' Dirty Bastard, Perot 92 vice-presidential running mate Admiral James Stockdale has died at 81.

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"Big Baby Jesus, I can't wait…."

Admiral Stockdale famously opened the 1992 vice-presidential debate by stating "Who am I? Why am I here?" – a pair of questions that neither he nor anyone else could convincingly answer. His main claim to fame was a Congressional Medal of Honor and seven years' detention in a North Vietnamese POW camp.

With two lovable lunatics dead in such a short period of time, the global population of certified nutcases should be getting nervous. Death comes in threes, as we all know. So who's next? Given the cosmic debt that Tom Cruise has brought down upon his kind in the past few weeks, the smart money is on David Miscavige, the current fascist at the head of the cult pyramid scheme known as Scientology. For extra credit, I'm going to get specific and say "mortally wounded while shredding tax documents" as the cause.

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Seriously, is anyone not creeped the fuck out by this picture?

Although if there were any justice left in the world, Coroners would list the cause of death for Scientologists as "God fixing a mistake."

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5 Responses to “WATCH OUT, DAVID…DEATH COMES IN THREES”

  1. J. Dryden Says:

    Interesting. Judging by appearances, they appear to have spawned Mr. Miscavige from the same pod/lab batch as Ralph Reed. Serious "long lost twins who improbably follow same career path" thing going on…As for Admiral Stockdale, let us not forget that his biggest public fan was Dennis Miller, a black stain on anyone's obituary.

  2. mike Says:

    I miss Phil Hartman. Remember when Dana Carvey as Ross Perot dumped him in the countryside? And Stockdale chased after him.

    I also can't believe that Perot had as much support in 92 as he did. That's what happens after 12 years of continuous Regan-Bush control.

  3. Ed Says:

    I forgot to mention that the guy's friggin name is JAMES BOND STOCKDALE.

    Seriously.

  4. J. Dryden Says:

    We all miss Phil. His death killed "New Radio," and you can't watch "Futurama" reruns without missing him as the voice of Zapp Brannigan. But at least in death, he taught us all an important lesson: If you're married to a crazy, coke-addled bitch who's changed her name 12 times and has violent tendencies, Don't Have A Loaded Gun In The House, Don't Get Into Fights With Her When She's Loaded, and, above all, Don't Tell Her You're Leaving Her And Then GO TO SLEEP…

  5. mike Says:

    ginandtacos.com needs a special feature – "how to deal with your coke-addled violent wife."

    The stories the three of us could tell….