"Lonely loser. Pathological creep. Misogynist. Potential rapist."

These, as Salon.com puts it, are very apt terms to describe a man who engages in sexual practices with a doll. When examining the notion of a "sex doll" imagery of the blow up doll with gaping mouth frequently used as comic relief in shameless films comes to mind. However, it would seem that the company Real Doll has been attempting to change this stereotype since 1996. That's right, for around $6500.00 you could have a "life like" sex doll crafted with state of the art "Hollywood special effects technology".

Historically speaking, ginandtacos.com has introduced its readers to a vast array of stories that could be said to make fun of themselves. That said, when I first became aware of this phenomenon when reading a story on Salon.com I realized that never before had something been so instrinsically ridiculous as to need no further fun making.

So then, as opposed to actually making any sort of attempt at degrading these people's "lifestyles" I will instead try to explain to you how I came to the conclusion that this is the single most absurd thing ever posted on ginandtacos.com.

All right then….

To start, when I clicked on the story, I was greeted by this photo:


Yes, this man clearly spent $6500 on the worlds most realistic sex doll

This man….is playing video games with his sex doll. He gave his sex doll a controller? I began reading the article and found out that he has named the doll Sidore and discribes it as being "…everything that turns him on: beautiful, loyal, a great listener." Yes, I know that in its own right, this is creepy. However we soon find out that the doll is half british half Japanese, has the atrological sign Cancer, and get ready for it…..IS A GOTH. The owner of this particular doll, named Davecat, is also goth, has a very bizzare anglophile obsession (I am led to believe that he speaks in a fake British accent), thinks that his doll is an intellectual who, it if could, would walk around with Sylvia Plath books under her/its arms, and sadly believes that "No real woman seems to think I'm good enough for them."

Now, correct me if I am wrong, but this is already exceptionally absurd. However, the article proceeds to regale you with tales of others' doll experiences. We find out that some people have multiple dolls and choose particular ones for particular sex acts. We get the advice from Mike Kelly that "Head 4 is very tight orally. It has a small mouth if you've got a Head 4/Body 5 … you've pretty much got it covered. Tight as a drum."

So as you can imagine, at this point I am treading a very fine line between thinking that this is hysterical and being exceptionally creeped out. This is when I notice that the story has a photo gallery. I proceed to see a picture of two dolls posed on a bed. The caption informed me that the owner claims that they are sisters. He does not have sex with them, he just likes posing them and taking pictures – yes, that is clearly what happens.

Finally, a story related by a man who specializes in repairing the dolls:

Another time, an Asian undergraduate student at a university in California dropped his 1-year-old doll off for repairs. Fiero says the young man told him that his parents bought him the doll so that he would stay at home and study rather than go out chasing women. Fiero's photographs of the damaged doll make me cringe: Her leg was torn off, revealing the steel hardware of her hip joints; an arm hung by an inch of silicone flesh; two fingers were severed; and the cleavage between her buttocks was torn into a ragged crevasse.

"Her vagina was so blown out," Fiero told me. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe someone could fuck something like that up so quickly. It blew me away. How could somebody be so callous? I was offended in so many ways," he continues. "He put her feet behind her head and reamed that doll with whatever cock he's got. He fucked her violently. She was achieving positions she shouldn't achieve or be forced to try. Her vagina and anus were a giant gaping hole."

Well, basically this article is about 8000 words worth of viceral, amusing, and incredibly disturbing imagery. As a final note, he sells about 2 million dollars worth of these a year.

If you are interested in being truely creeped out, read the Realdoll.com FAQ. I honestly could not read any more than a fraction of it before I had to close the browser. My feelings about this can be best described by the Big Lebowski quote:

And then darkness washed over the Dude.

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22 Responses to “"Lonely loser. Pathological creep. Misogynist. Potential rapist."”

  1. Liz Says:

    "The doll has the poise and relaxed state of a sleeping girl."

    I've heard about these things before and considered them relatively harmless, but that statement seriously made me throw up in my mouth a little.

  2. Ed Says:

    First of all, I can't get over this:

    "Her vagina and anus were a giant gaping hole."

    Secondly, why is this man so offended at the apparent reaming this doll received? Does he really think that anyone is going to buy a $6500 sex doll and fuck it gently? Take it to dinner first? Engage in foreplay? And for that matter, it's an inanimate object – what difference could it make?

    I see his point, but at the same time I don't.

  3. Amy Says:

    This really takes "imaginary friend" to a whole new place.

  4. mike Says:

    I like that Daveycat is wearing a tie to play videogames with his doll. Did he dress up for the occasion? Are they celebrating something?

    Ed – I was with your line of thinking until I got to the line: "two fingers were severed"

    ?!?!?!? I'm picturing a Silence of the Lambs "It rubs the lotion on its skin" relationship there. Is he torturing the doll? Sexually? :(

  5. erik Says:

    the doll his parents bought for him remember….

  6. Samantha Says:

    I'm a fairly opinionated woman, and I don't always keep my opinions to myself. I've gotten enough comments from men like "know-it-all bitch," "ooo, aren't you a tough little lady," "smart-ass," and the ever insulting "feminist" to think that this doll may actually be what many men are looking for: someone who will sit there and shut up and be an opening to insert everthing from penises to ideas into. A man who isn't threatened by a woman with her own ideas and personality is a rare find. That's why I love you guys at G&T.

    But, still, I gotta say, check out that rack on Sidore! Raarrrrrr! She's hott.

  7. J. Dryden Says:

    The most comforting part of the article was the guy who commented that maybe the availability of such…merchandise was a good way to prevent these guys from breeding. I draw solace from this thought. What I *don't* draw solace from is the fact that these guys can actually afford these items. Which means that, in some substantial way, they're far more successful than I am.

    Now I've gone and made myself sad.

  8. Ed Says:

    Well, short of the severed fingers (and probably even including them, come to think of it) there doesn't appear to be anything he did to the doll that a sizeable percentage of the women in an average fetish bar would not approve of having done to them.

    In a world in which people seek out other people who will shit on them, reaming a doll particularly hard doesn't appall me much.

  9. Ed Says:

    Although, now that I think about it, the odds that he did not also shit on the doll at some point are low.

  10. mike Says:

    Samantha – "A man who isn't threatened by a woman with her own ideas and personality is a rare find." Thank you for the kind comments, but personally I'm holding out to find a woman with a Head 4/Body 5 … then I'll pretty much have it covered.

    everyone else – In case you haven't, read the linked Salon article. three things of note:

    1) I assumed that this was awful/weird/lame but I didn't realize how entirely awful/weird/lame it was until this point:

    "When he's done [sexing the doll], he says he uses the turkey-baster-like implement that comes with each doll to douche it. 'You put soap and water in that, and then you squirt it into the orifice you came into, and wash it out with that.'"

    That is truly awful. When you get to the point where you can honestly be told : "Your life would have considerable more dignity if you just masturbated with your hand more often", you really need to reassess.

    2) I love how the 6 Misconceptions of doll owners (page 5) quickly changes tone. #1 – We aren't necrophiliacs. #2 – We aren't rapists/murderers. #5 – "all men would like a Real Doll." I guess I can concede 1 & 2, maybe. Don't stretch it there perv.

    3) She ends the article with a lame cop-out along the lines of "Think of the serious burn victims and people without limbs who just want companionship." Fine, and fair, and no (or few) judgements there. But does anyone believe that constitutes more than 5% of the market?

  11. Samantha Says:

    Mike, is that a scale of 1 to 10? Because if you're holding out for a 4/5 combo, pickins must be mighty slim in the Chicago metropolitan area. Either that or you're a 9/1 combo yourself – smart enough to realize your prospects, ugly enough to be grateful for scraps. But somehow I don't think that's you.

    We've got a lot of 2/9's (male and female) around Atlanta. It's like living in Barbie and Ken's bible thumping dreamland: hellish nightmare.

  12. mike Says:

    I don't believe that "Head 4" refers to intelligence. My work webpage filter is blocking Realdolls' FAQ webpage. I'll double check later.

  13. Ed Says:

    I had to stop reading the FAQ pretty quickly.

    This is, in many ways, more disturbing than the IKEA-like beastiality page. I suppose I'm just not shocked by the broken doll in the sense that I wouldn't for a moment imagine that anyone buying a RealDoll would NOT be reaming the shit out of it and inflicting severe damage to it. I mean, it's sort of implicit isn't it?

  14. Samantha Says:

    Oops. Okay, I couldn't bring myself to read that disturbing article. Hey, you know, I kind of had a male version of the Real Doll when I was married. Only he spent a lot of money and smoked a lot of weed. And he wasn't usually around when I needed him. But he did perform well under command in the sack. At least I got my money's worth there.

    That was really bad, wasn't it? I'm stopping now.

  15. eep Says:

    I really wish I hadn't read this right before going to bed. And while somewhat drunk. I am officially creeped out and want to hide from everyone now.

  16. Val Says:

    I told some friends about the story, and about our friend Davecat from the image, and — HOLY SHIT — my friend Mark found Davecat's blog. Here:

    http://sixsixsixties.blogspot.com/

    I am going to hell for posting this. But I thought I was sort of duty-bound.

  17. beth Says:

    ok, how did he find davecat's blog? i can't wait to read it.

    has anyone seen the movie Mumford? it's a great film, and part of it is jason lee is this multimillionaire, and he's investing all his time and money into making a lifelike doll for a living companion. this is the closest it's come to in real life, i think. well played, RealDoll, well played indeed.

  18. beth Says:

    ok, how did he find davecat's blog? i can't wait to read it.

    has anyone seen the movie Mumford? it's a great film, and part of it is jason lee is this multimillionaire, and he's investing all his time and money into making a lifelike doll for a living companion. this is the closest it's come to in real life, i think. well played, RealDoll, well played indeed.

  19. mike Says:

    Though I haven't seen it in years, I really loved Mumford. It felt like movies rediscovered how to actual be kind to troubled souls in its movies.

    A realdoll also helps save the universe in "Serenity", out now. Realdolls don't make much progress into the future.

  20. Monty Osayande Says:

    I am not sure about this one, after picking up the fleshlight lady that I saw on the website fleshlightsgirl.com I can't see how any other male sex toys can beat it – and that is after experimenting with other good sex toys like the Tenga Egg. But I have to say almost none of these can compare to a fleshlight – Without question, it kicks the shit out of many other male sex toys!

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