Tremendous Fucking has been lucky enough to receive an invitation to play at a benefit concert for the victims of the recent tornado in Evansville, Indiana. As the band includes an Evansville native, it seems fitting. But beyond that it's a great opportunity because a couple of the other bands – namely Murder by Death and Mock Orange – figure to bring in a crowd in the hundreds. So it's a great opportunity as well as something that figures to be an assload of fun.

Here's the rub.

Given the charitable nature of the event, a variety of religious and non-profit groups are involved with its planning. As such our participation is conditional upon cooperation with a PG-13 rule. We're billed exclusively as "TremFu" and can't refer to ourselves by our God-given name. But beyond that, we're faced with the challenge of cleaning up or radio-editing our most popular songs in a very short period of time. Somehow we must sanitize such Christian campfire sing-a-long favorites as:

  • Just Like Burt Fucking Reynolds
  • Bladow! Motherfucker!
  • Every Fucking Time
  • Lightsaber Cocksucking Blues
  • Kick in the Pussy

    Even the songs with clean titles tend to swear more than a Teamster with his dick caught in his zipper. And let's not get started on the stage banter. Help us out, loyal readers. How can we take songs like the ones listed above and substitute in words that make them acceptable to the average Evansville Christian organization?

    Just Like Kirk Fucking Cameron, bitches.

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    1. Samantha Says:

      You got me, but I'm having a great fucking time thinking about it. Ooo, hey, I could come up with christian-themed anagrams of those titles for you pretty easily.

    2. Liz Says:

      I say leave them as-is.
      Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. Besides, are you really interested in ever playing the Wired Cafe in Evansville, Indiana, again? Or in tarrying with religious organizations?

      Failing that:

      eat what you are while you're falling apart
      and it opened a can of worms
      the nun's in my hand and I know it looks bad
      but believe me I'm innocent
      i'm fearful I'm fearful I'm fearful of sinning
      and sinning is fearful of me
      i covered my eyes when she told me the news
      turning me on with my lightsabre witnessing blues

      are you coming?

      communion wine stained on account of her crutch
      and I'm aching from praying too much
      i know what I do but it all comes to you
      did you sell me to wanderlove?
      i'm fearful I'm fearful I'm fearful of sinning
      and sinning is fearful of me
      i covered my eyes when she told me the news
      turning me on with my lightsabre witnessing blues

      are you coming?

      If anything gets me into hell, it will be that, I think.

    3. Samantha Says:

      Damn, Liz. That's good.

    4. Dad Says:

      I'm with Liz on this one. Donate to the cause and take a pass. If not rather then change the words, when you come to the words that might be offensive, say nothing. The crowd will know what they should be.

    5. J. Dryden Says:

      Just open your set by explaining that your lyrics were inspired by the words of our fine, Christian Vice President and by Scott Stapp of Creed. That ought to pacify them–if it's good enough for those paragons…

    6. Liz Says:

      "Now Look What You've Done" isn't dirty, is it?

    7. Patch McMean Says:

      Oh my. Lets just change all "fuck"s to "funk"s and make Joe slap and pop his way through the set.

    8. JoeStone Says:

      yeah, I've been trying to weed through our songs, and i really don't think we can take the Fucking out of the Tremendous.

    9. Anonymous Says:

      Just Like Burt Funky Reynolds

      Bladow! Moherfunker!

      Every Funky Time

      Lightsaber funkfunking Blues

      Kick in the funky

    10. JoeStone Says:

      i used the word "Heck" last night…

      as in, "this next song is good as heck!"