10 THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO THAN WATCH "WALK THE LINE"

Here is just a short list of some things I would prefer to watching Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon "act" (the term must be used loosely with them) out the life story of Johnny Cash:

1. Run my balls up and down a cheese grater repeatedly
2. Drink a bucket of vomit (not mine)
3. Conduct sex education sessions at group homes for the profoundly retarded
4. Watch Battlefield:Earth in its entirety. Twice.
5. Memorize pi to 1500 places
6. Get hooked on heroin and share needles with junkies at an AIDS hospice
7. Give Ving Rhames a thorough rimjob
8. Sit through an entire live performance of the White Stripes
9. Go freegan
10. Invest my life savings in General Motors

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5 Responses to “10 THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO THAN WATCH "WALK THE LINE"”

  1. Liz Says:

    I suggest that you watch Walk the Line and Garden State in a double feature. I'm curious as to which you would hate more.

  2. beau Says:

    cmon, battlefield earth? twice? you gotta be kidding. no one can take that kind of punishment.

  3. gp Says:

    Graduates of the Patrick Swayze College of Dramatic Arts.

  4. Samantha Says:

    Hopefully your beef is just with the movie and the actors and NOT with The Man in Black himself. We'd have to have words.

  5. J. Dryden Says:

    I can only assume from the silence that has ensued since this last post that the producers of this film sought out and exterminated the entire Gin & Tacos talent pool for pointing out such infinitely preferable alternatives to their piece of cinematic corpse-rapery. (Given the box office returns of the film, the advice of G&T appears to have been followed by America.) Either that or, to prove his point, Ed actually went and *did* one of the above rather than see the film. Please God, say it was the cheese grater–say it wasn't seeing Battlefield Earth twice. I just…I couldn't face the idea of that happening to another human being.