Are you both drunk and homeless?

I know that at least several readers must be homeless drunks. It just stands to reason. Luckily, if you are exceptionally drunk, a modern trend seems to indicate that soon you will get free housing.

Stylish urban dwelling which is sure to have some bitchin' parties

A recent project in Seattle will house 75 of the cities hardest core alcoholics. However, you should not make the mistake of thinking that it is easy to gain admittance. Simply drinking a bottle of Mad Dog and passing out on the street does not qualify you for downtown rent-free living. These people have had to seriously make a lifestyle of it. Public record needs to indicate that you have been an alcoholic for at least 15 years, and have failed at treatment at least 6 times.

I know what you are thinking. This is some kind of new fangled alcohol abuse treatment program. Not in the slightest. The residents of this facility are free to drink as much as they want. The only condition is that they have to behave appropriately on the streets and in the building or else face eviction. The reason for this is obvious.

In stark contrast to the opinions of fraternities around the nation, Bill Hobson, the program director said:

"Drinking is not an excuse for behaving badly"

Why did the city of Seattle spend 11.2 million dollars to build a building to house drunks? Well, there is the obvious benefit of them not dying on the streets. The other side of the coin, which I am sure held some weight with the city council, is that this is actually cheaper than dealing with them. Apparently the costs of police and medical attention for these 75 people is far greater than the cost to house them. Basically, it would seem, that Seattle is saying that as long as they keep their boozehoundery confined within the walls of 1811 Eastlake Ave it is fiscally responsible for the city to pay for them to live there. If you are one of these 75 individuals, you can go to sleep at night knowing that you were costing Seattle more money per month to contain your drunkeness than the average cost of rent in that area- good times.

7 thoughts on “Are you both drunk and homeless?”

  • To be honest, that is pretty damn impressive. If I could say that my drunkenness imposed municipal costs on the order of half a million bucks, that would be both shameful and amazing.

  • A friend of the family, who is obese, was talking about their latest failure with weight loss. They said "The doctor says I need to lose 45 pounds to get healthy; I want a surgical solution however I am 15 pounds short of where they will let me get the stomach stapling surgery."

    There was a long pause after that statement, because I wasn't sure if I should ask "So are you just going to go for the 15 pounds there?" I didn't ask, in part because I knew the answer.

    I read something about this recently that made sense – picture a homeless getting pneumonia, falling down and cracking his head. The hospitalization, CAT scans, doctor's time etc. is easily $50,000 right out the door – and the guy is going to go back out and do it again 2 weeks later. (consider that a lease on a nice 1-bedroom apartment in Lincoln Park is going to be about 1/4 that). However somewhere there's an alcoholic who is on the edge of becoming chronically homeless….he may just go for the "15 pounds" solution.

  • You know, I've recently taken up the practice of keeping the boozehoundery confined to the walls of my own house… after embarrassing myself and a few shy EMTs. It's a good plan.

  • Idiots that have never been homeless think it hasn't happened to them yet because they are either mentally or morally superior. What you imbeciles are unable to grasp is that when someone becomes homeless- they disappear- so if any of your acquaintances had it happen to them they probably fell out of touch and then disappeared and you forgot about them- and continued your stupid middle class myth- it can't happen to anyone that doesn't deserve it.
    Go to hell you peasants- you have no idea what reality is.

Comments are closed.