FEDERAL POUND-ME-IN-THE-ASS PRISON

Today's No Politics Friday ™ is about baseball and Project Runway.

First of all, Project Runway Season 4 is on notice. I mean, honestly, did you see that shit? Several months ago I saw a website with headshots and short bios of all the new contestants, and I had only one thought: Oh shit. Rather than do what made the show so good – pick likeable people (save one or two designated assholes) with a lot of talent – they've obviously put together an MTV Real World cast of "quirky" people with stupid tattoos. It's like they went down a goddamn checklist. Straight guy who looks like Jeffrey? Check. Jay-like fat gay dude? Check. Completely stoned-out idiot a la Bradley? Check. Utterly talentless woman in her 40s? Check. UltraMegaSuper Gay guy along the lines of Austin Scarlett? Check.

Even worse, from everything I've read this season descends into Top Chef-style judging; i.e., the producers tell the judges who to pick based on which catty bitch wars they think are amusing. That rewards talentless little cunts like Marcel (who stuck around Top Chef to the bitter end because they thought we wanted to see him argue with everyone) and this fucking guy Christian. The second he opened his goddamn mouth I wanted him and his stupid f'n Hot Topic haircut to die. I will not be satisfied until he does. And what is the deal with the retarded nicknames? "Kat Pistol"? "Sweet P"? I feel like I'm at f'n roller derby or some stupid crap like that. Shame on you, Bravo. Stop recruiting talent from the list of rejected extras from Miami Ink.

Second, the Barry Bonds news had me on the floor last night. Yes, I am a huge baseball fan. No, I don't particularly give a crap if he rots in hell and/or Federal Pound-Me-in-the-Ass Prison. What slays me is that Bonds was indicted and 90 minutes later his personal trainer Greg Anderson walked out of prison. You've gotta hand it to the Feds, they know how to play mind games. Read it loud and clear, Barry: We're indicting you…because your last friend in the world just flipped on you. Anderson was so willing to stay quiet until he had a couple months to chat with Mr. Prison. Prison'll do that, I guess.

There you go. Baseball and Project Runway.

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2 Responses to “FEDERAL POUND-ME-IN-THE-ASS PRISON”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Hey Ed, I too am a baseball fan who is floored by the Bonds indictment. Crazy! What I can't decide is whether I think it's good or bad for baseball. Will it help the sport to move on from Barry Bonds, or will this permanently engrain Barry as a distracting footnote about baseball history? Whaddya think?

  2. Ed Says:

    Baseball has just been waiting for an excuse to erase him from memory, and when he goes to prison that will be it. They never had a reason to suspend him until now.

    The Federal prosecutors have a 95%+ conviction rate for a reason, and it's not because the courts are biased. It's because they don't indicte people for show like local prosecutors sometimes do. When they indict you, you're fucked. They don't do it unless they're nearly certain of a conviction based on hard evidence.