There have been many efforts to determine the worst song in the English language (on a personal note, my money is on "Barbie Girl." It literally makes blood squirt out of my ears.) two Russians decided to stop discussing it and take matters into their own hands.

Based on honest-to-god research, they compiled a list of what people consider to be the most unpleasant, loathsome, annoying characteristics of music.
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Then they combined them all into one song, "The Most Unwanted Song." I think you can see where this is going.

Examples of these characteristics were holiday themed songs, choruses sung by groups of children, and advertising jingles. Hence there is a lengthy chorus about Wal-Mart sung by children and backed by sleigh bells (not to mention an opera singer). The most annoying instruments are apparently the bagpipes (well, duh), accordion, and flute. They are all prominently featured.

Oh, by the way, it's 22 minutes long.

I didn't sell this very well, but this is all you need to know: at minute 1:40, a female operatic soprano starts rapping about the Old West over a spastic techno beat and a wall of accordion. Listen to it for about 10 seconds and tell yourself "This goes on for 20 more minutes."

(the kiddie Wal-Mart chorus kicks in around the 14 minute mark)

10 thoughts on “NPF: EAR RAPE”

  • You can blog about this but you can't answer your faithful Y318 students' midterm questions??? Ha, ha…I'm only kidding. I should get to bed. I can't believe we have a midterm tomorrow!

  • "Halloween, halloween, candy corn for lunch and dinner!"

    Wow, the children's holiday jingle really killed me. I'm going to have to listen to it again, and try to get all of the lyrics this time around. Thanks for helping me waste an hour of my life today!!

    My only problem is that I don't understand why people hate the accordion. I also can appreciate the bagpipes in certain contexts, although to their credit, they use them abolutely horrid effect here.

  • Constantinople by The Residents is pretty terrible. It makes me feel nauseous every time I hear it.

  • I first heard this song a couple of years ago. The mere memory of it is making my ears ring. The mp3 file is so big that the guy who sent it to me had to go through extraordinary lengths just to poison my ears. Some friend…

    You have to admit though, it truly is the most unwanted song. Possibly anything by The Shaggs is the only thing that I can think of that even comes close.

  • I'm assuming these guys are parodying the notion that statistics/polls are any indication of the actual reality of a situation here [particularly after reading about the tepid mass of garbage the 'most wanted song' seems to strike its listeners as]. But assuming they're serious, they fail. This song is actually trainwreck-awesome, because its audience ALREADY KNOW it's STRIVING to be terrible, because it underestimates the human love of the hysterically-absurd, and because it's just far too well-structured to be truly unlistenable.

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