1. If you managed to miss the night of the Indiana/NC primaries on CNN, let me remind you what I mean when I say "dead-ender" and why I concocted the Lanny Davis/Goebbels analogy. This serves as pure comedy fodder for most of us, but for a special few (or maybe just one) it is late-night wanking material.

2. John Miller of the National Review Online brings us "Rockin' the Right: the 50 Greatest Conservative Rock Songs." My first thought was, how in the hell are they going to wring 50 songs out of this? I mean, we can count on one hand the number of rock musicians who are NRO types. But John got around that pretty easily – by taking songs written by liberals about things that have nothing to do with conservatism and re-interpreting the lyrics! I'm sure that when the Who wrote "Won't Get Fooled Again" or Living Colour wrote "Cult of Personality" they did so with Jonah Goldberg's talking points in mind. The highlights: noted conservative Bob Dylan at #12 and an extraordinarily curious interpretation of the Plant Doing Way Too Much Acid lyrics to "Battle of Evermore" at #25.

This is possibly the most embarassing thing that anyone has ever written. If Miller finished the piece by revealing that he still wears Underoos and that he blew his bunkmate at summer camp in 1971, it still would not be any more humiliating. A crack team of humiliation artists, training and working exclusively in the medium of humiliation since birth, could not devise a way for John Miller to have more thoroughly humiliated himself. Wagonhalt. Pure wagonhalt.

Too bad I can't find a video of Arnold's election night victory party in 2004, as he stood on stage with dozens of his fellow millionaires singing "We're Not Gonna Take It" (……anymooooooooorrrrrre). It would fit here.

7 thoughts on “NPF: TWO COMEDIES”

  • Far from being an "anti-abortion anthem," "Bodies" is essentially just a scandalous bit of nastiness directed at a specific person. I suppose John Miller couldn't be bothered to read anything John Lydon has ever said on the subject, though.

    I also like how IRON FUCKING MAIDEN are on the list, because apparently appreciating literature that's more than 20 years old makes you politically conservative. Yeah.

  • My absolute favorite of Miller's choices is:
    ***Virtually every conservative knows the bass line, which supplies the theme music for Limbaugh’s radio show. But the lyrics also display a Jane Jacobs sensibility against central planning and a conservative’s dissatisfaction with rapid change: “I went back to Ohio / But my pretty countryside / Had been paved down the middle / By a government that had no pride.” ***

    Oh, really? The conservative movement is opposed to unchecked, unplanned development now? Man, I have to update my program. Last I heard, it was conservatives and ass-hat libertarians who opposed anything that even hinted at planned development. I guess they've changed.

    For those of us struggling to convince communities that planning is not the work of the Devil and his black UN helicopters, the stubborn idiocy (idiotic stubbornness?) of the conservatives and libertarians is the main obstacle. The born-agains like the argument that God gave us the Earth to do whatever the hell we please; the libertarians like the "man's home is his castle" argument and think it ought to apply to 200-acre tracts owned by developers; general "conservatives" hate any interference in the private sector's "right" to build any old shit they want wherever and however they want it.

    So, in case you couldn't tell, it makes me pretty mad that Miller included this song on the list.

  • What. A. Fucking. Joke.

    I think I will start pouring over the lines of speeches and other missives of conservatives looking for snipets to make a list of "The Top 50 Most Liberal Things Ever Said" with the teaser that they are "By GOPers!!"

    I've read a lot of crap on the internets, but this may be the worst.

    And what… no Boss?!?!?! And if you're going to include BOC you might as well put in "Don't Fear The Reaper" with it's play at ever lasting life and the love of Romeo and Juliet…

    What? You mean some people think that song is about a murder-suicide pact…

  • The words "conservative" and "music" are incompatible. It actually gives me the dry heaves to see these two words next to each other. It really bothered me to see this piece of shit make the songs fit the conservative ideology, which is a futile process. No, the Pretenders' song "My City Was Gone" isn't conservative just because Limpdick uses it as his show's song. Crissy Hynde is a vegan and huge PETA and environmental supporter, for crying out loud. Mellencamp, The Beatles, Bob Dylan, David Bowie?!?!?! Are you kidding me? You know a list is suspect if Kid Rock is on it.

    About the only conservative musician I like (or have even heard of) is John Popper. Blues Traveler kicks enough ass where I can let him slide.

  • That 50 list is incredible. "Janie's Got A Gun" as pro-2nd Amendment! My favorite:

    [“I Can’t Drive 55,” by Sammy Hagar. ; A rocker’s objection to the nanny state. ]

    Double-Nickels on the Dime indeed.

  • funny? yes.

    surprising? sadly, no.

    re-interpreting anything and everything to suit their arguments is what conservatives do. it's all they do. ever heard of the bible?

  • Sorry, but I couldn't get past item #1. WTF, Lanny? I mean, sure, it's a moot point now, but why exactly should Michigan's and Florida's primary votes count now when they couldn't follow a couple of very simple party rules regarding primaries that EVERY OTHER STATE managed to follow? It's like the kid who wrecks his parents' car when he takes it out without their permission and then gripes about not having a car to take his girlfriend out in. "It's not FAIR!" And the fact that Clinton's name remained on the ballot when Obama's was removed? How can he possibly think that hurt Clinton? Generally, loyalty is an admirable trait, but when it crosses the line to blind lunacy ("We are delighted by the results tonight." again, WTF?) he loses a good deal of credibility.

Comments are closed.