Taco Bell runs a promotion during the World Series in which, if a player steals a base during a designated game, everyone in America gets a free taco. Literally, all you have to do is walk in and say "Gimmie a goddamn taco, and expect no money to exchange hands upon delivery of said taco" and they will comply.
Last year, proving that God is great and the universe has a sense of humor, the man who won America its Taco bounty was a rookie named Jacoby Ellsbury. He will now be known for the rest of his
playing days natural life as "Tacoby Bellsbury." This year's giver of tacos was Rays shortstop Jason Barlett. Boo. Given my knowledge of the Taco Bell menu, I see no way to re-christen Mr. Bartlett in a manner that communicates his noble deed. Suggestions welcome.
PS: Tuesday was free taco day. I am ashamed that I was too busy with the election to note it.