NPF: SPITE TAKES NO HOLIDAY

1. The interchange from I-74 into the new Indianapolis Airport is called the Ronald Reagan Parkway. Appropriately, I found driving on it wildly overrated and not very bright.

2. I am responding to every "Merry Christmas" I get from strangers today with "That's not funny, man. My brother died that way." Hilarity ensues.

3. As much as I am a fan of people not working, it is disconcerting to see the TSA people standing around to the extent that no one noticed the 24 oz. bottle of sports drink in my carry-on. Thank god we have the war in Iraq to make us safer; these people certainly aren't.

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22 Responses to “NPF: SPITE TAKES NO HOLIDAY”

  1. PaulB Says:

    In deference to your dead brother, Merry Xmas Ed from possibly the only athiest in Orange County.

  2. Desargues Says:

    Merry Christmas, everybody, from a godless transplant in LA. I'm sure your brother would understand.

  3. dbsmall Says:

    Your "Merry Christmas" response is appropriately blasphemous, cynical. And I get the feeling I'd find it really funny if I even understood what your brother might have died frrom.

  4. Ed Says:

    I do not have, nor have I ever had, a brother.

  5. Erin Says:

    In regards to the shoddy security in Amsterdam that allowed a dirty, filthy terrist to almost blow up Detroit, I felt the same way after flying Northwest from Balmer, Murderland to the WC "not gay and has never been gay" Hon. Sen. Craig Built, MN.

    And really, I was about to take a shot at Detroit, but my only personal experience with Detroit is 90 minutes of absolute drunkeness in the airport catching a connecting flight (in late- '98)and watching Robocop over 100 times.

  6. Prudence Says:

    In my experience, any and all contact with the TSA is a Sisyphean trudge. And that's on a good day. Also, I don't quite get why or how TSA manages to employ the most spiteful, indolent wankers available, but I suppose if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

    DC is nauseatingly burdened with Reagan-named things, esp after the 5 day necrophilia fest that was his state funeral. Bleh. However, while the airport was rechristened with the clunky moniker, "Washington DC Ronald Reagan National Airport", everyone I know stubbornly calls it National.

  7. Ursula Says:

    PaulB, you're not alone, I've met a few atheists going to UC Berkeley who are from Orange County.

    During Thanksgiving, I traveled to Wisconsin and took my keys with the mace attached. I put the mace in my plastic liquid bag and it got through security both times.

    Great job, TSA!

  8. tas121790 Says:

    I can remember people calling for 465 to be renamed the Ronald Reagan Expressway, so i guess its a fair compromise. Though a more appropriate name would have been an important historical figure from Indiana. I must stop blaspheming Reagan, he is god in this part of the state.

  9. comrade x Says:

    I think the Grinch was making a revolutionary statement.

  10. Pan Sapiens Says:

    I travelled back in time to stop the assassination of Ronald Reagan by Hinckley. Only to discover that in THIS past, he wasn't assassinated. And now I'm trapped in this shitty timeline, which, it turns out, is much worse than the one I intended to prevent.

    Oh well, Happy Sunreturn everybody.

  11. johnnyboy Says:

    Appropriately enough, the RR Expressway dead-ends right in the middle. Seems the Mormons own the ground where it should have continued down to Avon and beyond. Living in the area, we love watching the various parties fight over the land and smile wryly when we go by the huge mound of dirt that blocks it's progress north (at about 300 north.)

  12. dbsmall Says:

    Ed…this brother you don't have: what might he have died from, that would have made your joke work?

  13. unclemike Says:

    PaulB: you're not the only atheist in OC. But it sure feels that way sometimes, eh?

    Life behind the Orange Curtain is fun! Happy Solstice, y'all.

  14. Crazy for Planet Ronald Raygun Says:

    Yes, one of the most interesting things about the US is how we all love Ronald Raygun like a god. I think the next thing that will happen is we name a planet after the guy.

  15. J. Dryden Says:

    Merry Happies. Now, when can we expect the countdown to the announcement of the Coveted G&T Cocksucker of the Year Award? The betting pools in Vegas are already laying odds.

  16. CParrinello Says:

    It's a good thing that liquids-based explosives weren't that big of a threat, considering how lazily the TSA enforces the policies that would combat that tactic. Even when they take the liquids away from you, they casually toss the potential explosives in a garbage can next to them. They treat the practice as the arbitrary inconvenience that it is,

  17. dbsmall Says:

    Richard Reid fails to ignite a shoe bomb, and now we have to take off our shoes before getting on a plane.
    Some guys in England plan (in a totally un-executable way) to use sports drink + crystalline explosives to smuggle "disassembled" explosives onto a plane, and now we have to pay $4 for water.
    I can't bring a snowboard-binding screwdriver on the plane, but they'll gladly give me a set of headphones that will make an excellent garotte.

    Call me a little wary of the fact that the Detroit airplane bomber ignited an incendiary device that was sewn into his underpants

    The obvious answer is nudity, but I would be wary of international travel—where will people keep their passports?

  18. jazzbumpa Says:

    I would be totally in favor of nude travel, if most people weren't so fat and ugly.

    Cheers!
    JzB

  19. John Says:

    It's funny, because as much as we Americans all like to to "OO-RAH DEM TAY-RISTS GWIN' DAOWN!", we've pretty much allowed blind, naked fear (read: that thing terrorists are kind of meant to incite) to cripple our rights on air travel.

    We make all this talk and bluster about "dem dar so-shall-ists" taking away our "rights" with their vile, anti-American healthcare bill, but we are perfectly content to let them confiscate our harmless flavored drinks as we board airplanes.

    I sometimes marvel at the American Right's apparent super power based around proudly letting the government fuck them in the ass while loudly vocalizing just how opposed they are to government ass-fucking.

  20. Amy Says:

    Gee – I feel so much better. You'd have thought that I had a molitoff coctail the way they were going over my son's ready to serve formula!

  21. Star Says:

    I had a TSA agent tell me I couldn't bring my opened bottle of water onto the plane. I said, "That sucks. I'm thirsty." He looked at me a minute and said, "Oh, if someone else asks, just tell them it's fluorinated water for your baby's formula." Apparently I looked (white) and innocuous enough to just let this transgression slide. Lovely. He told me to lie. Amazing security measures we have in place.

  22. Marcy Says:

    You know, I think if we paid the TSA workers a little more and perhaps treated them with more respect they wouldn't be so lackluster in their performance. I think that to blame them for the crappy security system we have is ridiculous. You try that job–I'll bet you wouldn't last a week.