NPF: RATING JACKASSES

Sometimes I am so proud of my (graduate) alma mater.

The good folks over at Jezebel have brought some much needed attention to an op-ed in a student newspaper by Yale Reardon on the topic of "Rating Girls." That's an archived link, as the newspaper took it down for reasons that will rapidly become apparent. You know, that "How hot on a 1 to 10 scale" thing that bros do in movies and apparently in real life. Some of Mr. Reardon's literary gems:

2. A two is not much better than a one. She is god awful ugly as well. No matter how many drinks you have, she won’t look hotter or thinner. All of her friends are busted as well. Thankfully a two does not have any confidence either so spotting them out is rare.

4. Here is where it gets interesting. Even the coolest bro’s from time to time will slip up with a four. A four is always fat; there is no getting around that. If you happen to fall victim to a four, I feel you. This is the kind of girl that must be kicked out of your place at 5:00 am. If you happen to crash at her place, you get out of there no later than 4:00 am. A boiling hot shower is needed immediately after.

9. Now we are talking. A nine has her life handed to her. She dates only good-looking rich dudes. She can ignore any guy and he will come back to her. She doesn’t need a personality because her face & body make up for it. These make ideal girlfriends and will get you mad bro points out the wazoo.

Charming. I would bust out the IU fight song in a fit of pride if I knew it.

He states, "One of my favorite things to do with my friends is to argue about what number a girl is." Well, one of my favorite things to do with my friends is make fun of backward-capped assholes who travel in packs and talk about women this way. Subscribing to the truism that two wrongs rarely make a right but usually make a funny, here is a much more useful scale – a precise, scientific analysis of Bro characteristics with attendant ratings of Bro-ness.

1. This is the bottom of the barrel. Minimum of two Livestrong bracelets. Loud, obnoxious assholes who have to pay people to hang around them. As adults, all Ones will be convicted of exposing themselves at a playground.

2. A two is readily identified by his popped collars, garishly branded polo shirts, and crippling insecurity. Has never had consensual sex. His favorite band is the Beastie Boys. Conversation topics are limited to college football, college basketball, and beer. Usually named Chad or Nick.

3. While the Two is a meek, self-loathing creep, the Three is an aggressive predator. Attempts to put his junk in anything that stops in front of him, including stray dogs and mailboxes. Has a vanity license plate of his frat nickname, i.e. "Chugs" or "P-Dub." Refers to all women as "bitches." Insists that lots of people and objects were or are "asking for it" regularly.

4. A Four is a fat guy who has never been seen without his backwards baseball cap. Women occasionally pretend to be interested in talking to him in exchange for free drinks. Fours are the subject of all of the best binge drinking stories in their respective frats, and they will brag endlessly about their power-barfing prowess and willingness to urinate publicly even though the cop was totally like right there.

5. The Five mentions the amount of money his dad makes in every single casual conversation. Wants to get an MBA and take over his dad's dealership but can't pass Calc 102. Calls his professors "Bro" and offers them money to boost his grades at the end of the semester. Regularly and enthusiastically gives high fives.

6. Sixes go through an entire Value Size pack of tanning coupons in one week. Appear to be wearing blackface at first glance. They work out 6 days per week, but have bizarre, hunched posture because they only do bench presses and bicep curls. The average Six has at least four nicknames for his penis.

7. A Seven is convinced that he is hilarious but he mostly just repeats lines from Will Ferrell movies. Thinks you totally need to hear this comedian named Dane Cook. Wears one of those faux-handmade looking twine necklaces sold in giant bins at the checkout counter in Hollister. Routinely asks others to "Do (him) a solid."

8. An Eight is a hyper-masculine type who lives in constant fear of his Bros discovering how far in the closet he is. Constantly talks about how much he loves "poontang" and desperately hopes that none of the dudes in the house will look at the browsing history on his Mac G5.

9. Nines are the high-class white supremacists. When someone overhears him telling jokes about black people he will demand that they "Chill out." Has never spoken to a Latino person who was not serving him food or holding a rake. The odor of Tag Body Spray becomes overpowering at this point on the scale; self-contained breathing apparatuses may be required to interact with a Nine.

10. The Sistene Chapel of assholes. His speech has devolved to an incomprehensible mixture of "dude", "bro", and grunting. Total bro-mageddon. Bronito Mussolini. President Brobama. Emperor Hirohibro. Wolfgang Amadeus Brotzart. Brosama bin Laden. C-3pBro. Edgar Allan Bro. Drives a tricked-out Ford Brocus. Bro v Wade. The Broman Empire. Gin and tacbros.

Please print this chart and keep a copy on your person at all times for use as a field guide.

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107 Responses to “NPF: RATING JACKASSES”

  1. Crazy for Urban Planning Says:

    That's pretty funny. Not sure where I would fall. You need a category for shut ins who look for jobs and read blogs while wearing underwear all day.

  2. OliverWendelHolmslice Says:

    May I also suggest Broseph Stalin, who sips his cafe bro lait at the local Bro Bar. Also, everyone knows the fratty douche vehicle of choice is the Ford Mustang.

    Shit, I just gave myself an unwanted Long Island flashback…"NO, I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT YOU! I WASN'T LOOKING AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND, I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!"

  3. Amanda Says:

    I really needed this today Ed. This made me laugh so hard I almost spit out the water I was drinking a few times. :-) Thanks for writing so well and making me laugh. I know I have a few of those in my M323 classes.

  4. tas46064 Says:

    His name is Yale and hes a telcom major?
    What a douchebag.

  5. 1st timer Says:

    "Total bro-mageddon. Bronito Mussolini. President Brobama. Emperor Hirohibro. Wolfgang Amadeus Brotzart. Brosama bin Laden. C-3pBro. Edgar Allan Bro. Drives a tricked-out Ford Brocus. Bro v Wade. The Broman Empire. Gin and tacbros."

    Thank You.

  6. tas46064 Says:

    http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=1164480051&ref=search&sid=1167810015.3785532703..1

  7. Nunya Says:

    The awesome part is that Mr. Yale Reardon has pretty much screwed himself career-wise. Every HR manager in the country googles applicants ans, in my experience, very few of them are either 9-10 on the Bro scale of hotness nor are they ever frat boys.

    Remember kids, what you put out onto the interwebs never goes away.

  8. Nick Says:

    "Usually named Chad or Nick."

    Crap.

    I guess I'll just have to wait a few years until they're all named Jordan and Kyle.

  9. Adiaphora Says:

    Thank you so much for this

  10. Zeb Says:

    I thought this was supposed to be No Politics Friday, Ed. You know this guy is going to be Sen. Yale Reardon in 20-30 years, and all his bros will be similarly titled.

  11. Zeb Says:

    By the way, his other articles are equally sickening/enjoyable.

    http://indianaodyssey.com/laugh-out-loud/844

    Also, he's a #8. Mr. Reardon is more focused on the bros than the girls. Note his discussion of "ATO bros" (acronym unknown).

  12. Elle Says:

    Total bro-mageddon. Bronito Mussolini. President Brobama. Emperor Hirohibro. Wolfgang Amadeus Brotzart. Brosama bin Laden. C-3pBro. Edgar Allan Bro. Drives a tricked-out Ford Brocus. Bro v Wade. The Broman Empire. Gin and tacbros.

    Beautiful.

    By the way, his other articles are equally sickening/enjoyable."

    From this:

    "Token black dude: Everyone loves this guy. He’s most likely harmless and all the girls think he is so nice. His white guy friends are on his nuts because white guys love having at least one black friend. He is cool, calm, and never gets too sloppy. Sometimes he is mistaken for a basketball player and this gets him free shots from the bro’s. And at the end of the night, he’s taking back a fine white girl to his pad."

  13. Google Says:

    Cached tweets for Yale Reardon, Indiana University telecommunications major:
    link

  14. S Says:

    Thanks, Google. I didn't know that twitter lets Google cache the tweets. It makes their public access protection pretty pointless.

    Second, Reardon's "Yale is my name and raping is my game" is probably the most vile autobiographical description I have ever read. Then again, I've lived a sheltered life.

  15. Nicole Says:

    I misread "bro-mageddon" as "bro-magnon!"

    Thanks for your excellent counter-list. :)

  16. Delphine Says:

    Well, I hate to tell Jezebel, but there are equally shallow-minded women out there, or I suppose I should call them "girls." They eventually marry the "bros." Just imagine the connubial bliss.

  17. You can call me, 'Sir' Says:

    Sadly, you've just described nearly every male medical school student that I've met over the last few years. The thought that someday these individuals will be paid to insert their digits into strangers is disturbing.

  18. Z Says:

    Maybe it's because I'm from comparatively feminist San Francisco, and went to college at the We-Have-Frat-Dicks-In-The-Traditional-Sense-But-There-Are-Like-Six-On-The-Whole-Campus University of Oregon, but I have never actually seen anyone rate girls on a scale of 1-10. It's one of those things you always hear about people doing that you don't actually experience.

    I have occasionally heard a girl described as a "10", but no one bothers to place on a scale of 1-9 anyone that isn't, and every once in a while we'd rate passing girls on a binary scale of "would" or "wouldn't" do her. A smidgen less offensive, and believe it or not it was actually a form of self-mockery of our own gender's shallowness. Every girl we knew confirmed that the binary scale is often used by the girls as well.

    So I can go home only slightly crushed that this douchebag Reardon is in my damn fraternity. There, I said it when I could have just gotten away clean.

  19. Gypsy Says:

    Livestrong bracelet? Done and done.

    http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/1325578804068549092DCoPlz

    Let it never be said that being creepy on the internet isn't a terrific calling.

  20. Brandon Says:

    Oh my god, this guy's name sounded so familiar, and then I realized that he was in a discussion class I taught last spring. I remember him being a smirker, one of those kids who sits in the back and always has this obnoxious grin on his face regardless of what you're saying. The really sad thing is, I think he did decently in the class. I guess that says a lot about the quality of public university students, when this kid's writing and analytical skills are actually above the median level :-) In any case, this sort of thing is sadly pretty widespread. While the whole "bro" culture seems to be a frat boy thing, superficial male idiocy seems to know no cultural borders.

  21. Emily S. Says:

    i am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    …i suppose i already did, if i got here from google reader.

  22. Sarah Says:

    I just looked at his Facebook page. He is a fan of a page endearingly titled "I don't like chicks with tans, it means they've been out of the kitchen." And THAT page has over 100,000 fans. Geez.

  23. Zach Says:

    Nice piece, Broseph Stalin.

  24. ddt Says:

    I'm sure a significant sample would contradict my ad hoc impression, but that piece Zeb linked to (about the "types" of people at the local bars) contains what seems to me whiffs of self-awareness/self-parody. I'll leave it to the Comp Lit and other Ph.D.s deep into their contextual analyses, but saying how one type is a loser, and then mentioning how they are happy and have friends and don't black out from alcohol, while the "cool bros" do (and "never call the next day") seems to set up a — okay, was going to bluff some PoMo/Decon terms but I haven't had my tea this morning.

    Sure a large %age of the readership would take it all at face value, though.

    S, can you expand on the privacy issue? I'm not seeing any Direct Messages cached… .

  25. jc Says:

    Ohhhhhh my… based on Twitter posts alone, Mr. Reardon (aptly named) is clearly in dire need of multiple highly vigorous anal penetrations.

  26. Sarah McDougal Says:

    This article is fucking awesome. I cherish the ground Yale Reardon walks on. He's a very talented writer. EVERY man who reads this article secretly agrees with it, and they are just too afraid to admit it.
    Bro' on brother. Keep that shit coming.

  27. jc Says:

    Oh, and preferably on HD video and posted in about a hundred places.

  28. docnifty Says:

    I certainly penned some cringe-worthy op-ed pieces for my college newspaper some 15 years ago (pre-internet cache, thankfully), but I think only in the "holy god was that point of view naive" sense as opposed to Yale's "I'm a sexist, racist douchebag whose parents made me wear bowties and loafers without socks at age four" sense…

  29. jc Says:

    …with his last name on prominent display. Just as a little garnish.

  30. Patti Says:

    Actually – the article is still on the site. If you go to the Odyssey, you can see the entire issue in "Flipbook" form. Yale made page 9 with his observations.

    (Thankfully, not one of my students, but the Dewy Decimal System sounds a lot more pastoral and poetic than the Dewey Decimal System.)

  31. Robert Says:

    Yeeesh. Think I'll take a long, hot shower now. It is my great good fortune that I encountered very few of these ambulatory fungi while I was at university. Of course, I was living in a student housing co-op, which cut down the 'bro' factor somewhat.

  32. Patti Says:

    Found a little article online:
    http://newsinfo.iu.edu/news/page/normal/7312.html

    Yale's fraternity was shut down two years ago for hazing violations. Is anyone really surprised by this?

  33. Zeb Says:

    Here's one of his posts from Twitter, which gives wonderful insight into his family life (if it's true):

    "So my mom just told me our butler thinks he doesn't need to work Sundays anymore…sorry butler you're replaceable."

    I grew up in Southern California, and now attend a large PAC-10 university, so I have known and run into wayyyy too many of these types. They're fun to parody, at least.

  34. JM Says:

    I can't ever get down with the hate that gets directed about men who talk about women this way. Sure, it's uncouth to write it in a public forum like Yale did, but ultimately he's saying what we're all thinking. I know the exact sensation he is talking about in his discussion of the 4, and I know that all of my close guy friends do too. It's not the kind of attitude you have to to state openly in public, or even admit you agree with openly in public, but it is a bit disingenuous to condemn it in public. Because all straight guys (actually gay guys too–in fact, in my experience they're even more crass with the reduction of people to their physical attractiveness thing) can identify with it, however secretly.

  35. S Says:

    ddt,

    I might just be flaunting my ignorance (or may have misunderstood the question), but this is what I meant: Google's post (04-09 at 3:44) pointed to the Google-cache: Reardon's unprotected Twitter main page can be found via the search

    "Yale Reardon" site:Twitter.com intitle:"on twitter"

    because the "Cached"-link at the end sends you to Google's cache rather than the actual page on twitter.com. I cannot see the actual page ("This person has protected their tweets."), but the cached version is unprotected.

    I know nothing about the technical side, but some protected sites allow google to cache the full site (so that they still come up in search results, I assume), and some (but not all) sites can then be seen in the cache. The typical way to check the cache right away is to search for

    cache:

    or in this case

    cache:twitter.com/jyreardo

    I hope this wasn't just a long-winded way of stating the obvious.

  36. Kristina Says:

    Zeb –

    There is no way this guy has an actual butler. Believe me. He would NOT go to Indiana if he was wealthy enough to have an actual BUTLER.

    I am by no means loaded, but my best friend actually has grandparents who are million-dollar butler rich, old old old money. People with butlers don't talk about having butlers or refer to them as the "help" – that is very new money or upper-middle-class-talking-a-lot-of-game.

    He probably meant the one-day-a-week housekeeper or yard guy.

  37. Kristina Says:

    Also, his tweets use the word f*g like there is no tomorrow. Grr! I truly, truly hate this man. Men like this make women like me become man-hating-feminists, when there are so many good guys out there. Yale Fail!

  38. S Says:

    My apologies: I just did a few spot checks, and apparently most protected feeds also show up protected in the cache. Maybe Reardon protected his feeds after his page was last crawled by google.

    So in summary: That at least does not seem to be a privacy problem for Twitter. And just for the record, the fallacy I committed is often called "hasty generalization".

  39. Ed Says:

    "Sure, it's uncouth to write it in a public forum like Yale did, but ultimately he's saying what we're all thinking."

    Huh. No, that's not really what I'm thinking.

  40. Prudence Says:

    "Sure, it's uncouth to write it in a public forum like Yale did, but ultimately he's saying what we're all thinking."

    No, JM, he's saying what *you're* thinking, bro-magnon man. Don't lump everyone into your pathetic, lowly definition of humanity. And here's exactly what makes you pathetic– you can only admit to being attracted to those whom your "peers" consider worthy. Way to go, sheep.

  41. Wes Says:

    There's an entire website devoted to mocking assholes like this guy: hotchickswithdouchebags.com

    One of my favorite things on the intertoobs.

  42. Cassie Says:

    Wow, JM, it must be pretty convenient to think that everyone is as gross and shallow as you.

  43. Chupac Says:

    Reminded me of this equally hilarious Onion article. http://www.theonion.com/articles/bro-youre-a-god-among-bros,11333/

  44. johnnyboy Says:

    JM says "Because all straight guys (actually gay guys too

  45. johnnyboy Says:

    hmm, that didn't work right. Let's try again:

    JM says: "because all straight guys (actually gay guys too–in fact, in my experience they're even more crass with the reduction of people to their physical attractiveness thing) can identify with it, however secretly."

    Nice. Stereotype much? And BTW, your guy friends are pretty horrible.

    My advice:

    1. Grow up. Soon.

    2. Get ALL NEW friends, because if your female freinds are putting up with this attitude as well, they're pathetic.

  46. Elder Futhark Says:

    So, oh, well done all. You've poked fun at Dale Drooptit, or whomever the hoosier bastard is. *Snap* *snap* bitches

    Meanwhile, fuck NPF. A real cocksucker, a real florid, flatulent, fucking magenta shit vortex maelstrom of a cocksucker, is on the loose. Will Newt run for President? "That will be up to God, and the American people".

    Sea bass. Barrel. Chain gun.

  47. Nate Says:

    Is it possible that Yale Reardon isn't actually a person? That he's the alter-ego of some normal, boring college student? That it's all a piece of xenophobic, chauvinistic performance art?

  48. Andrew Says:

    You've forgotten about Tycho Bro-he, Austral-bro-pithecines and Homo ha-bro-lis.

  49. mothra Says:

    Ah, isn't it nice to see that nothing has changed? When I was in college, and yes, a sorority 32 YEARS AGO, in the spring and early fall, the fine young men at Sigma Alpha Epsilon used to sit on their porch with rating cards to hold up as women went by. Once you went by that display of idiocy, a young college woman would be subjected to the Sigma Chis, who would sit on their porch roof and either bark at womeh or cheer — depending on what they thought of the woman's appearance. Two of the Sigma Chis were notorious date rapists, too.

    Good times, bro.

  50. mothra Says:

    Oh, and I just contacted the individual listed as someone to contact for concerns about "The Odyssey." I told him/her that this just contributed to the bad image of the Greek system. I am sure said individual couldn't care less what some old Tri Delt alum thinks, but hey, I said my piece.

  51. beau Says:

    Holy shit.

    JM. Dude. Bro. That outlook of yours is a little bit scary. Get some new friends. Female friends.

    Yikes.

  52. Natalie Says:

    Hahahahaaaaaaaa. Ed, you made my day. Seriously.

  53. Comrade PhysioProf Says:

    Routinely asks others to "Do (him) a solid."

    What the fuck does that even mean, holmes?

  54. Paul McNutt Says:

    1. No, Yale doesn't have a butler.

    2. Nearly everyone that has commented so far, as well as this article's author, should check into the meaning of "satire."

    3. You people (those who take things way too seriously) are exactly the type who us normal people love making fun of. OMG, he spelled Dewey "Dewy!!" teeheeheeheehee

  55. Paul McNutt Says:

    By the way, just as a gift for all of you tightly-wound girls with self-confidence issues, here is how normal girls respond to such an article, as taken from Yale's facebook page:

    "Personally I loved your article. I've never been so proud to be called an 8.5 in my life…Good work bro, and good luck gettin the shawtys. See ya at Sports tonight.
    'Save me a dance'"

    "you sexist fucking pig.. burn in hell asshole :)"

    "yale you better watch your back you got some haters out there..but let em hate..haters keep you humble"

    "hah omg so someone was ragin on my newsfeed about some article bla bla bla and someone commented saying "omg, lemme guess, yale reardon?"…so OF COURSE i checked it out and literally laughed out loud in finite. thank you for keeping me entertained u piglet u!"

    "Thank God you only have one livestrong band, or else you would qualify as a 1 ;)

    http://www.ginandtacos.com/2010/04/09/npf-a-scientific-scale-for-rating-jackasses/"

  56. Larkspur Says:

    "Yale is my name, rape is my game."

    Oh! Satire!

    No, wait. That shtick is lame.

  57. beau Says:

    @McNutt –

    SATIRE
    1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
    2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly

    Sounds like a description of Gin & Tacos. But what the fuck has it to do with Mr. Reardon?

  58. Paul McNutt Says:

    Beau, I admit may not be blatantly obvious from reading just one of his articles that Yale provides a valid and almost always humorous commentary on the day to day follies of the typical college student (although not always limited to this subject matter).

    If you follow his twitter posts, it's more obvious, but most of what Yale says points out the ridiculousness of the things many of us say, do, and think as young adults. His style is often to make a post that is similar in form to what a typical student might compose, but then add an element of wit, irony, or sarcasm to provide humor and point out the trivial or stupid nature of such a type of post. so yes, it is indeed satire.

    For example:

    1) "I am so exhausted from studying. I must have looked at over 1,000 Spring Break pictures of hot girls on FaceBook"

    2) If I get a friend request from a dude I don't know I assume he is either gay or a loser

    3) "Wait so you're from Chicago right? What high school? Ok cool, do you know ______? Awesome, so wanna hook up?"

    4) Yo who wants to join D.A.M.M. with me? We are Drunks Against Mad Mothers

    5) Besides getting arrested, puking, pregnancy scares, spending all my $, and embarrassing myself…nothing bad has come from my drinking

    6) If you are ever telling a story about a drunken night and nobody is feeling it just say "and then I drove home" and your story is saved

    No, he doesn't have a butler. No, he is not literally infatuated with ATO. No he isn't actually a "bro." I still think if you guys didn't take things so seriously and jump so quickly to be defensive and negative, you probably would have been able to read between the lines.

  59. Liz Says:

    Thank FSM I'm not one of the "normal girls" (by the way, ask a Collinsite to describe what a "normal person" is like for a healthy dose of perspective) who got shunted from McNutt to the Greek system to a journalism degree. I went to a frat party my first weekend at IU, where I was given punch that I was told was made with vodka that was actually made with Everclear and where my friend had to break a guy's nose before he would leave her alone.

    I know that it's the big thing these days for people to excuse disgusting behavior by saying that they were doing it "ironically" or "satirically" and that people need to loosen up and get over their self-esteem issues that cause them to not subject themselves to the thousands of wasted dollars and the social tyranny of "sisterhood". But seriously?

    a) Good satire is difficult to pull off, especially if you're a white guy (just ask Ed).

    b) If the 1-10 system didn't exist, if people didn't keep servants, if raping drunk girls wasn't treated like a fucking spectator sport among you assholes, then Yale Reardon wouldn't have anything to "satirize."

    I know that you think you're defending the next Swift, but you're both just trying to have your cake and eat it, too.

  60. Paul McNutt Says:

    Liz,

    I would respond, but that diatribe made less sense than Yale's use of the word widow. I'm not surprised you were shunted by the journalism school.

  61. Elle Says:

    I know that you think you're defending the next Swift.

    If Swift had been an English landlord holding a burning torch to his peasant tenant's thatch, after dining handsomely on fricassee of mewling infant.

  62. Ed Says:

    Ah, yes, the "It was satire" defense.

    Clearly the problem here is that Yale Reardon is operating on such a high level of metacommentary that the rest of us are incapable of understanding it. I deeply suspected that the problem here is an imbalance of intellect, and it is nice to be able to stop wondering.

    Yale Reardon: dadaist. He's the fratboy Duchamp. His entire "journalistic" career has been performance art. He actually spends his weekends not at Sports but at home translating Proust into extinct languages and re-reading his collection of Baffler back-issues.

  63. cerb Says:

    I love my alma mater. Well, I love how the city of Bloomington is beautiful and diverse and I love how the university is full of highly ranked departments (no, I'm not talking about Kelley). What I don't love, however, are the legions of drinking and sports obsessed imbeciles who just so happen to populate N Jordan and E 3rd. Yale is a perfect example of such an imbecile at IU who seems solely infatuated with drinking and making an ass of himself. While some people never tire from explaining how they got bombed harder than Dresden 1945, these same people also tend to live fruitless lives in the endless pursuit of ever increasing wealth, which they never happen to reach for some reason or another.

    To the above poster who thinks that Yale was merely using satire, I'd encourage you to attend more classes that actually explain what satire and sexism actually mean. Giving anecdotal evidence of some shallow sorority girls not really understanding why Yale's column was so vile doesn't excuse him from any of the scorn he deserves. While Yale does think he's absolutely hilarious, I bet he'll regret his decisions when he tries to find a job with a reputable company. Something tells me that his resume won't be considered too often, and that's ignoring his assumed putrid GPA.

  64. Joe Says:

    Paul–

    It seems that you protest too much. Yale isn't a satirist, he is not clever enough. Did he know he would get a reaction? Sure. But that doesn't mean he was doing it for any literary pursuit. In fact he reminds me of the immature high school kid who pulls down his pants in front of everyone to get a reaction – forgetting that he has such a small dick. And you are the guy who just keeps staring at it, in admiration. :)

  65. Drew Says:

    Yale's top 10 list is way better. Obviously, you people have no sense of humor. Maybe you're the 1's and 2's he refers to that just stay in all day and find an article that calls you out and cry about it. Why don't you stop taking the time to complain about these articles and use the time instead to get on a treadmill and try to become a 3 or 4.

  66. Ed Says:

    Yup. Whole world is jealous of you. It's pretty amazing that you prefer the other list, since you are very much my intended audience.

  67. Prudence Says:

    As predicted, the aptly monikered McNutt has given up on any sort of rational argument and gone straight for the ad hominems and cheap shots. Glad we can now cross him off G&T list of the potentially intelligent, if pitiably misguided, loons who occasionally comment-bomb the site. It's astounding to me how many allegedly heterosexual men truly despise women.

  68. tas121790 Says:

    @Drew
    Like i totally agree wit you, Id totally rather get trashed and teabag other bros(no homo) than bang any ho lower than a 5. Thanks for spreadin the truth Bromeister General Yale Reardon.

  69. Graham Says:

    Jeez, I'm glad women are never this shallow and judgemental….

  70. missdelite Says:

    Sounds to me like the author's spent time as an undercover bro. How else do you get this close to bro culture without actually being a bro?? Bros got a mole, yo!

  71. Paul McNutt Says:

    Prudence (such a delightfully appropriate name, I might add): In regards to Liz's post, I was merely telling her that her post made little sense, and that's why I wasn't going to respond to it. Then I threw in a one-liner for laughs. P.S.: How do you respond to a post such as Liz's, lacking any kind of coherence, than with "ad hominems" and "cheap shots?"

    Ed, Cerb, and Joe: despite your sarcasm, "operating on such a high level of metacommentary that the rest of us are incapable of understanding it" is EXACTLY what Yale is doing. If you can't see that, then your intellectual capacity is too shallow for me to convince you. While I think his style and form should be self-evident from this and his other articles in the Odyssey, looking at his Twitter posts should make it blatantly clear. Sure his subject matter is not of the most sophisticated nature, but his literary mechanism is superior in my opinion (just look at how easily he fooled all the people on this page).

  72. Roger Dullbach Says:

    Yale offer's his opinion on the criticism in IU's student newspaper, The Indiana Daily Student, in case you guys are interested:

    http://www.idsnews.com/news/story.aspx?id=75096#comments

    "Given that I believe Reardon was unfairly attacked and censored, I asked Reardon to speak to me about how he felt about the entire hullabaloo. He responded comprehensively.

    I asked, 'How serious were you when you wrote this column?'

    Reardon responded, 'On a 1-10 scale of seriousness, I was about a 1. If you take that stuff seriously, you really need to re-evaluate your priorities. Obviously, the entire article was all a huge joke, but people acted like it was the end of the world. I’m surprised people can’t tell I’m in character the entire time. Is an article from a greek newspaper at a huge party school really worth all this fuss?'"

  73. tas46064 Says:

    @Roger
    Its called ass covering

  74. Crystal Says:

    These sorts of attitudes and behaviors are not restricted to fratboys, though perhaps they have pushed it to special lows through the worst kind of peer pressure. Whether this particular fellow is a satirist or not, to me, is not terribly important. So long as those who give in to the natural weakness of human beings to regard others as objects to be used and, worse, take pride in their own idiocy, are denounced as well as mocked. Consistently and thoroughly.

    someone send me a long, sharp stick
    to beat the smarmy bastards back
    when one starts thinking with his dick
    soon as he sees my face and rack

    I'd rather not be cruel, you see
    but I'm well pleased with my own mate
    and if i let them drool at me
    they'll just assume they've got a date

    so teach me, teachers of my soul
    to school them sharply, when I should
    since it's beyond my own control
    that I must give the stupid wood!

    they feel I must defer to them
    –chafed egos need much salving–
    why does it not occur to them
    to make themselves worth having?

  75. Roger Dullbach Says:

    tas46064,

    What makes you think that it is "ass covering" and not his true belief?

  76. Nicole Says:

    Paul – you probably don't understand Liz because you lack a solid command of the English language.

    shunted =/= shunned

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shunted
    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shunned

  77. Prudence Says:

    Nicole, that's not the only thing McNutty is clearly lacking.

  78. Paul McNutt Says:

    Nicole,

    The definition of shunted is to be turned away from. As in, I am not surprised that Liz was turned away from the journalism school, due to her inability to write with coherence.

    Although I do admit that Liz's syntax and punctuation is ambiguous to the point that she may have another though in mind behind her words.

  79. Julie Says:

    @Paul

    I might believe you, but the pic someone posted of yale wearing the livestrong bracelet convinced me of Ed's point of view.

    You might be right in that Yale is the victim here, I couldn't say for sure, but you can't doubt that the guys describe in this article exist and this article is written for them, whoever they are.

  80. Elle Says:

    The definition of shunted is to be turned away from.

    Tout au contraire, Paul. It means ' moved', among other things, and Liz said she was shunted to her journalism degree.

    I find Liz completely intelligible, and Yale Reardon about a satirical as a Goofy tie. Perhaps the reason you don't, and that you do, is that you're not terribly bright?

  81. Wait Says:

    I know Yale. Don't take anything he says seriously its all bs.. It's funny that he's causing such a ruckus – he's the biggest jokester I know.

  82. Paul McNutt Says:

    Elle,

    You may want to double check your elementary school vocabulary books. Shunted does refer to moving, although in the context of away or out of the way of something. Also, the "to" is a great example (among many) of her ambiguity. The way I took it was she was shunted from McNutt, the Greek system, and the journalism school. The fact that she is the type of person that supports this article's austere outlook on life and her inability to write coherently probably formed the contex leading me to understand her paragraph in this way.

    Here is a parallel example for you to consider that should help elucidate my meaning:

    "I was accepted into a wide range of institutions, from McNutt, to the Greek system, to the journalism school."

  83. Robert Says:

    "The type of person that supports this article's austere outlook on life".

    That's right up there with *colorless green thoughts sleep furiously.

  84. Paul McNutt Says:

    Haha, feminists cover what they thing is Yale's car in maxi pads and hate messages:

    http://yfrog.com/iyyalej

    Just about as classy as how they view his article. Too bad that unlike Yale's article, the only funny thing about this stunt is they got the wrong car.

  85. Nick Says:

    Paul: Just so we're clear, "satire" is not the same thing as "repeating idiotic beliefs that people actually hold, then claiming you did it as a joke when people think you're a dumbass."

  86. jc Says:

    paul: to back up the previous post, just check the post by JM above.

    that said, the hullabaloo about the offensiveness of the 'joke' is not really interesting to me. unless you're dealing with authorities about enforcing a civil environment, i think it's really counterproductive to slip into language about being offended and shocked. people should remember from junior high school that that reaction only encourages these types, since they're typically backed up by packs of like-minded boneheads, and thus feel no trepidation about stepping up the domination displays.

    the way you should react is to simply throw it back at them. if they're 'joking', then so are we.

  87. Paul McNutt Says:

    Nick,

    Your fellow comrade in feminism, Ed, described best what Yale is doing. I'll repeat it here so you don't have to scroll up:

    "Clearly the problem here is that Yale Reardon is operating on such a high level of metacommentary that the rest of us are incapable of understanding it. I deeply suspected that the problem here is an imbalance of intellect, and it is nice to be able to stop wondering."

    Long story short, yes it is satire.

  88. jc Says:

    "Your fellow comrade in feminism, Ed, described best what Yale is doing."

    hilarious. are you familiar with the concept of sarcasm, numbnuts?

    then again, maybe you're just joining in on the multilayered complex of 'satire'.

  89. jc Says:

    wait, it *can't* be that you're joining in on satire! you actually said you found mr. analplug's article "funny"!
    but… anyone who thinks dimwitted shit like that is funny must also laugh at larry the cable guy …and anything else that's only funny if you have a brain that consists of half pot and half curdled milk!

    i know i'm feeding an obvious troll here, of course, but i can't help but point out that like a million other spoiled white kids that are used to getting their way, you seem to know perfectly well that your position is not defensible. but you plow ahead anyway, trying to wear everyone down with sheer cockiness and persistence.

    but you're just another troll. and a pathetic one at that, because you're trolling a thread that everyone has left already. i'm the only one left to respond to you, and i do it not because I give a pile of pig shit what you think about anything, but out of nothing but sheer boredom.

    thread's over. find something else to do. go masturbate or something.

  90. Philagator Says:

    Just as an aside, douchebag contender of the decade (by way of Gawker) Arthur Kade, has been rating and blogging about girls offensively for over a year, and it's horrifying he *occasionally* gets legitimate media attention, at least in Philly. He's a local nobody that in addition to some absurd rating scale he regularly refers to girls as "cumb (sic) dumpsters" and "dumb whores," yet sometimes gets positive (or, at least not negative) press from local media sources (PhillyIn, PhillyChitChat, etc.). What's even more depressing is that the blogger of PhillyChitChat rails on the gay discrimination yet continues to give this guy attention. So freaking typical.

    Ick.

  91. Amy Says:

    Just as an aside, douchebag contender of the decade (by way of Gawker) Arthur Kade, has been rating and blogging about girls offensively for over a year, and it's horrifying he *occasionally* gets legitimate media attention, at least in Philly. He's a local nobody that in addition to some absurd rating scale he regularly refers to girls as "cumb (sic) dumpsters" and "dumb whores," yet sometimes gets positive (or, at least not negative) press from local media sources (PhillyIn, PhillyChitChat, etc.). What's even more depressing is that the blogger of PhillyChitChat rails on the gay discrimination yet continues to give this guy attention. So freaking typical.

    Ick.

  92. Reilly Says:

    One more to add; I couldn't resist. Tyrone Slothrop, a/k/a Gravity's Rainbro.

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