ERIC DONDERO GETS THE FJM TREATMENT BUT IS PROBABLY TOO BUSY HOARDING AMMONIUM NITRATE TO CARE

It did not take a team of psychics and supercomputers to predict that we would see some epic right-wing pant shittings on the internets in response to Tuesday's election, but I could only dream of finding one as, uh, layered with gems as the spectacularly (run-on) titled and subtitled, "The end of liberty in America: Only course of action now is to fight back, electoral politics not working: Time to tell any Democrats you know to fuck off and die" by "Libertarian Republican" Eric Dondero. I do not know who Eric Dondero is – nor do you, I assume – because as you are about to see he is a very bad writer, not-so-bright, and possibly mentally ill. If you relish the chance to see a pudgy middle-aged white guy lose his shit in the feeblest way imaginable, boy do I have a treat for you. Let's go!

This may be my last post here at Libertarian Republican for quite some time, possibly forever. I had a long discussion with my friend Jim "Right Guy" Lagnese last night. He has agreed, tentatively to take over this website. (prattle about blog contributors redacted)

Try to tell me with a straight face that this does not begin exactly as a suicide note, martyrdom video, or anonymous credit-claiming letter to the FBI would.

Now, that said. Firstly, I was wrong (Ed: about Romney winning). I was fantastically wrong. We were crushed last night at all levels, most especially in the Senate races.

Maybe stop nominating candidates from the I Have Some Ideas About Rape Caucus.

There is virtually no good news from last night's results for the libertarian wing of the GOP. I apologize Tom. I hope you can see fit to accept my apology.

Suicide notes are often filled with apologies when not lashing out at perceived enemies. "But Ed," you say, "he hasn't done the latter." This is what we call foreshadowing.

Secondly, today starts a new course for my life. I've soured on electoral politics given what happened last night. I believe now the best course of action is outright revolt.

Of course you do, Eric. You believe that revolt is the best course of action like the Hamburglar believes that hamburgers are the best course of action.

What do I mean by that?

We read it as a hollow threat / cry for help from a person who is slowly starting to realize how little he and his beliefs matter.

Well, to each his own. Some may choose to push secession in their state legislatures.

That sounds likely to succeed.

Others may choose to leave the U.S. for good (Costa Rica, Switzerland, Italy, Argentina, Hong Kong, Israel).

Nothing says "I hate taxes and socialized medicine" quite like Costa Rica, Switzerland, Italy, and Israel. Or Hong Kong. You know, the one in China.

Still others may want to personally separate themselves from the United States here in North America while still living under communist rule the Glenn Beck, grab your guns, food storage, build bunkers, survivalist route. I heartily endorse all these efforts.

Ah, "separating" oneself from the U.S. while staying in it and enjoying its benefits. I think there's a word for what that makes you.

I'm choosing another rather unique path;

Of course you are, Eric. I would have asked for my money back if you didn't.

a personal boycott, if you will. Starting early this morning, I am going to un-friend every single individual on Facebook who voted for Obama, or I even suspect may have Democrat leanings.

So apparently this guy is 14, since the first step in what he describes as a revolt is to un-friend people on Facebook. I also hear you can save children if you change your profile pic to a comic book character, and Kony 2012 or something. And Connor says that bitch Amanda called me fat during homeroom, I'm totes gonna un-friend her.

I will do the same in person. All family and friends, even close family and friends, who I know to be Democrats are hereby dead to me. I vow never to speak to them again for the rest of my life, or have any communications with them.

I strongly urge all other libertarians to do the same. Are you married to someone who voted for Obama, have a girlfriend who voted 'O'. Divorce them. Break up with them without haste.

Are you in a happy relationship? Clearly you should get a divorce on the advice of this brooding, socially maladjusted bedwetter. Trust him. If anyone knows the key to long term happiness, it's Eric. He's the guy I turn to for relationship advice, assuming that literally every other person on Earth and most trained circus animals are unavailable.

Vow not to attend family functions, Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas for example, if there will be any family members in attendance who are Democrats.

Anyone get the sneaking feeling that the Dondero family long ago vowed – or perhaps secured a court order to this effect – to avoid family functions at which Eric would be in attendance?

Do you work for someone who voted for Obama? Quit your job.

Have clients who voted Democrat? Call them up this morning and tell them to take their business elsewhere.

I am starting to think Eric Dondero might not be the world's best businessman. Maybe he opened a frozen yogurt stand with Susan Brown's brother.

Have a neighbor who votes for Obama? You could take a crap on their lawn.

Look, I don't claim to be a genius and no reader should blindly accept everything I say as the truth. The following, however, is the inerrant truth and should be accepted without question: If someone gives you advice that involves shitting in public, do not listen to anything that person has to say.

Then again, probably not a good idea since it would be technically illegal to do this.

"Technically"?

But you could have your dog take care of business. Not your fault if he just happens to choose that particular spot.

So far we have 1) Facebook de-friending, 2) cutting off contact with relatives who probably can't stand you because you're the kind of ranting, spittle-spraying lunatic who reads with great interest the website of Eric Dondero, and 3) a dog pooping on your neighbor's lawn. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!

Thirdly, I believe we all need to express disgust with Obama and Democrats in public places. To some extent I already do this.

Oh boy! This is the part where he tells us how he acts like a crazy person in public.

Example: When I'm at the Wal-mart or grocery story I typically pay with my debit card. On the pad it comes up, "EBT, Debit, Credit, Cash." I make it a point to say loudly to the check-out clerk, "EBT, what is that for?" She inevitably says, "it's government assistance." I respond, "Oh, you mean welfare? Great. I work for a living. I'm paying for my food with my own hard-earned dollars. And other people get their food for free." And I look around with disgust, making sure others in line have heard me.

OK, so are you getting a mental image of who we're dealing with here? Yep, he's That Guy.

"Making sure others in line have heard me," as though random strangers will be inspired by his puerile "wisdom." Just imagine the amount of eye-rolling and laughing that is going to ensue when he does this…while waiting in line at Wal-Mart, where paying by EBT and/or being an old person dependent on the government is practically a prerequisite for admission.

I am going to step this up. I am going to do far more of this in my life. It's going to be my personal crusade. I hope other libertarians and conservatives will eventually join me.

This sounds less like a revolt and more like a sad, lonely man no one can stand throwing a hissy fit. My eight year-old niece is capable of more frightening behavior than this. And she's a good kid. We read this article together and concurred that Eric Dondero is a stupid person who would not succeed in 4th grade.

What I plan to do this week, is to get yard signs made up, at my own expense, that read, "EBT is for Welfare Moochers." I will put the signs out on public property off of the right-of-way so it's entirely legal, in front of every convenience store or grocery store that has a sign out saying "EBT Accepted Here."

That'll show 'em!

I may even do some sign waving in front of these stores, holding up my "EBT is for Welfare Moochers," sign, and waving to passers-by.

It sounds suspiciously like you have a lot of free time, Eric. It is almost as though you do not have a job.

If I meet a Democrat in my life from here on out, I will shun them immediately.

Unshun.

Re-shun.

I will spit on the ground in front of them, being careful not to spit in their general direction so that they can't charge me with some stupid little nuisance law. Then I'll tell them in no un-certain terms: "I do not associate with Democrats. You all are communist pigs, and I have nothing but utter disgust for you. Sir/Madam, you are scum of the earth." Then I'll turn and walk the other way.

And they will think, without exception, "Thank god I never have to talk to that asswad again." They'll high five one another so excitedly they'll need reconstructive shoulder surgery. They'll be like promising young starting pitchers after a few years under Dusty Baker.

Buttons. Boy, you can have a lot of fun with this. I plan to make up a bunch of buttons, and wear them around town, sayings like "Democrats are Communist Pigs," or "Welfare moochers steal from hard-working Americans," "Only Nazis support Seat Belt laws" or "No Smoking Ban: Nanny-Staters go Fuck Yourselves."

The Troika of Revolution: Facebook De-Friending, Shunning, and Buttons. So basically this he wants to look like this:

At least he is smart enough to realize that the more one looks, sounds, and acts like a crazy person, the more likely it is that the public will be persuaded by the message.

There are so many other nasty little things I plan to do against the communists and those who support them. Perhaps I'll keep Jim informed and he can report on my activities here at LR.

Yes, so many pointless, stupid, insignificant things, as befits a stupid and insignificant man. Please do keep us updated; it sounds like this is going to be fucking riveting. "Today I went to the Piggly Wiggly and waved around a sign reading, 'DEMOCRAT PARTY = MOOCHERS AND POO-POO HEADS' for a while, then I went inside and turned all the magazines with Obama on the cover upside down! After that it was pretty much the usual day: quiet sobbing, then back to my tar-paper shack where I enjoyed an uncooked can of generic corn for dinner."

It'll be like reading V for Vendetta.

For now, off to my first assignment: Telling all my friends and family who voted for Obama to "fuck off, don't ever speak to me again you slimeball mother fuckers." Wish me luck!

Yeah, good luck clicking "remove from Friends." I'm on the edge of my goddamn seat over here.

Here's my Facebook Page. Watch me as I get started on my new lifetime crusade.

This is the saddest idea labeled a "crusade" since my great-grandfather Stanislaw died in a hail of gunfire charging toward the White House to demand that the U.S. be moved from the Gregorian Calendar to his own homemade calendar based on the cooking times of various kielbasas. Oh, and notice how Eric hasn't disappeared at all, but is in fact regularly checking his Facebook to bask in the attention his insanity has netted him. Not exactly exiled to Saint Helena, I guess.

This is perhaps the widest range of emotions I've gone through in an FJM, as we transition seamlessly from terror to bemusement to confusion before finally settling on pity. It takes a special kind of defective personality to concoct a personal revenge fantasy in response to impersonal events, and an especially pathetic and ineffectual person to come up with such a pitiable one. Calling people juvenile names and threatening to get some ridiculous signs and buttons made up is the best you can do? Jeez, America doesn't even make right-wing lunatics like it used to.

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68 Responses to “ERIC DONDERO GETS THE FJM TREATMENT BUT IS PROBABLY TOO BUSY HOARDING AMMONIUM NITRATE TO CARE”

  1. Suttree Says:

    If only all the wingnuts in our lives would stfu and go away. If you have time (and need a pick-me-up) read the extended butthurt in the comments. Pathetic.

  2. Rosalux Says:

    BRAVO.

    Jeez, what a fucktard. What I find most puerile (and fascistic for that matter) is people that get a bad electoral result and then REJECT electoral politics. It's like the equivalent of losing a game, wetting your pants and calling for a do-over. I won't lie – GW Bush getting re-elected in 2004 was one of the most bitter experiences of my life, and there was lots of loose, stupid talk in liberal circles of moving to Canada and shit, but I never heard one person say that Vermont or New York should SECEDE THE UNION. Because adults realize that politics is messy and sometimes you win and it's great and sometimes you lose and you have to eat shit and man up for four years. But you don't hear liberals rejecting the legitimacy of the democratic process. That's fascist – and I don't mean that in a "stoned freshman calling everything he doesn't like 'fascist'" way. That's definitionally fascistic and should be called as such. I guess some people need reminding that the whole federalism issue is rather settled, thanks to a minor 19th century skirmish knows as the Civil fucking War.

  3. Suttree Says:

    Yeah, Bush's re-election hurt a lot. But just as you said, wait for the next election. I must admit that I had thoughts about Canada but I already lived in Vermont. Why bother.

  4. mr sketchy Says:

    Brilliant FJM. Bonus points for using a graphic from a guinness ad!

  5. K. Says:

    Christ, of course he went to FSU. Being from Tallahassee sucks sometimes.

  6. Jonathan Says:

    "You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair."

  7. J. Dryden Says:

    There's got to be a corollary to Poe's Law–something that states that any ideology, past a certain point, becomes indistinguishable from schizophrenia. Mr. Dondero would do well to practice posing for the photograph that will one day accompany the definition of this yet-uncoined term.

    One shouldn't engage with such people (beyond the erudite mockery of the FJM, it goes without saying), but I have to ask: What the hell, gun people? How exactly have your rights been impinged upon as a result of Obama's presidency? As far as I can tell, the only substantial effect his term in office has yielded on gun owners is that the current president doesn't use them himself, and publicly fellate them as the most awesomest things ever. Such neglect does not equal an assault on your rights, and the odds of Obama even tip-toeing near the 2nd Amendment at any point are–let me check with the boys in the lab–nope, they've been at it with the uber-microscope, and they still haven't located those odds.

    Still: Vigorous complaint should never be silenced. Nor should it be given more credence than is merited. Thank you for your input, Mr. Dondero–your opinion has been duly noted, and now we'd appreciate it if you'd excuse yourself while the rest of us continue on with the business of being grown-ups. Take your complimentary tote-bag and juice box and leave quietly. Yes, you may wait outside to protest, but bear in mind, the order of protection will be in force. 100 yards at all times. Just…stand over there with the Westboro folks–they'll give you the orientation. And I suspect you'll find you've got a lot in common…

  8. Glen.h Says:

    He should move here to Australia. Our president is a good Christian who keeps his promises.

  9. AK Says:

    Damn, son. Where'd you find this?

  10. Xynzee Says:

    Whilst I laughed along w you (note to self: beer-o'clock + FJM = sinus lavage. Fortunately it wasn't a stout).

    I started thinking imagine if you were this guy's sibling. You'd certainly be worried for him.

    Just one small point. Mandatory seat belts. That's the insurance companies, someone should point this out to people.

  11. ladiesbane Says:

    Sweet, sweet FJM; how I have missed thee! But I cringe for this sad man. I suspect he's actually the old guy who lives next door to my mom. Someone should go check on him.

    And yet, since he is smart enough to be a Republican Libertarian who is SHOCKED SHOCKED I TELL YOU that R-money lost, he must clearly be a wealthy entrepreneur who is therefore my superior in all ways. That's how he'll be able to fund a revolt against democracy while hating socialism and communism…and shopping at Wal-Mart.

    (And hey, is it a complete joke, or did Mittens actually obtain an ironically perfect 47% of the vote?)

  12. Middle Seaman Says:

    Ed, cannot believe you wrote this endless post about the largest collection of shit writing since the elections.

  13. Mike S. Says:

    How is it that, despite repeated recent commentary/mockery w/in the liberal blogosphere, no one has picked up on the fact that this is the same Eric Dondero of 'my former boss Ron Paul is not a racist or bigot but is just a guy who totally hates Mexicans and fags – oh also Jews but totally, definitely not Jews' fame?

    http://www.rightwingnews.com/election-2012/statement-from-fmr-ron-paul-staffer-on-newsletters-anti-semitism/

  14. Laie Says:

    Sorry, erm… would someome please enlighten me as to what "FJM" means? I know FDR and FJS and LBJ, but not even the all-knowing trash heap can help me make sense of how the FJM Treatment got it's name.

  15. comrade x Says:

    Hmmm… I bet our little American Hero never carries out his threat of yelling " communist motherfucker" @ folks he perceives to be Democrats in public. I am sure it would not take long before somebody took exception to that and applied a liberal ass whuppin' to his flabby white ass.
    Unfortunately this little reactionary's tantrum is the least of our worries.
    It's the quiet ones that worry me.

  16. Talisker Says:

    @Rosalux: To be fair, the "United States of Canada / Jesusland" map was quite popular in 2004: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesusland_map

    There is loose talk of secession on both sides, but the GOP seems to be altogether more serious about it. Rick Perry for one has mentioned secession approvingly, I very much doubt that any Democrats of equivalent importance have done the same.

    @Laie: Stands for Fire Joe Morgan, IIRC a website which applied a similar style of criticism/mockery to the output of a sports journalist named (you guessed it) Joe Morgan. Ed has been doing it for quite some time, see the "FJM" tag on this site.

  17. c u n d gulag Says:

    Sounds like, if he waits around for just a little while, The Unibomber will have a cellmate.

    No.
    No, he porbably won't.

    If you can't structure a simple sentence, you can't build a bomb.

    And if he tries, they'll be scraping pieces of him off his neighbor's roof.

  18. Arslan Says:

    Well you see Ed, all us liberals are immature dreamers. When we get to Eric's age, we'll wise up and start acting like adults the way he is now.

  19. Xynzee Says:

    Thinking of pants wetting hysteria and secessionism, have they figured out what happened in Indiana yet?

  20. Mr. Prosser Says:

    It has to be a put on. It sounds like someone from Wonkette wrote it.

  21. anotherbozo Says:

    OK, I went to his Facebook page. He lists his fields of expertise: "Over a dozen languages, fluent in Spanish, Italian, French & Portuguese. Mid-level Chinese."

    I see a future in international relations! Diplomacy! Just the kind of worldly sophisticate we need at the prow of American foreign policy, the kind of face we want to show and charm the world.

  22. Canuckistani Says:

    For someone who is so deeply seduced by the lure of secession and "outright revolt", he seems very concerned about being hassled by the local police for small violations of others' property and person. He mentions 'nuisance laws', not wanting to put a sign somewhere illegal, and not getting caught shitting on the neighbors' lawn. Somehow it makes me think a big helping of his libertarianism comes from a speeding ticket or citation for public urination he got when he was 17.

  23. Mike Says:

    Holy Fuck!

    I visited this guy's FB page and we had a mutual friend in common.

    I need a shower.

  24. Matt Says:

    @Canuckistani: I suspect Mr. Dondero has had more than a few brushes with the boundaries of "nuisance laws", as he fitfully discovered just exactly how much of a jackass civil society would permit him to be in public.

    Think a rebellious five-year-old, only with a copy of Atlas Shrugged and a severe case of Unwarranted Self-Importance.

  25. Mrs. Chili Says:

    I lost it at "nothing says "I hate taxes and socialized medicine" quite like Costa Rica, Switzerland, Italy, and Israel. Or Hong Kong. You know, the one in China" and never recovered. Thank you for this!

  26. lacp Says:

    "Over a dozen languages" – and those are just the ones speaking through his fillings!

  27. Arslan Says:

    "OK, I went to his Facebook page. He lists his fields of expertise: "Over a dozen languages, fluent in Spanish, Italian, French & Portuguese. Mid-level Chinese.""

    Yeah I'm calling bullshit. The fact is that you don't get really good at learning languages unless you spend a lot of time around people from those countries, typically in their countries. If you spend that much time abroad, it's really hard to be a libertarian or conservative.

  28. Amused Says:

    I love how this guy characterizes himself as "socially tolerant". What does that mean? That you can be "socially tolerant" but politically inflexible? I guess if you are person with interests and ideas different from his, he'll tolerate your existence, as long as you don't get to vote or enjoy any, you know, rights.

    That said, disowning the Democrats in his family is probably the first time in his life that Eric Dondero has done anything good for them.

  29. Amused Says:

    Yeah I'm calling bullshit. The fact is that you don't get really good at learning languages unless you spend a lot of time around people from those countries, typically in their countries. If you spend that much time abroad, it's really hard to be a libertarian or conservative.

    Anytime I see someone claim they speak "at least a dozen languages" — you know, so many they've lost count — I know this is the kind of person who thinks knowing how to say "bonzhur" and "voolay voo cooshay avek muah" is enough to put it on their resume that they speak French.

  30. One Dissillusioned Guy Says:

    It's always hilarious to hear these types talk about "leaviing the country" because it's taken a hard turn towards 'socialialism,' since all the available western-democracy type alternatives already HAVE the universal healthcare and generous social safety nets they claim to despise. I suppose the guy could move to Somalia if he likes "small" (nonexistant) government.

    @Rosalux,

    "there was lots of loose, stupid talk in liberal circles of moving to Canada and shit,"

    As a former Canadian resident (I have dual US/Canadian citizenship) I was pretty uncomfortable with this, since it shows the appalling ignorance most Americans display about the process of immigration. No offense, but what makes you think they'd have you? Canada is a sovereign nation, with it's own immigration requirements, which are more or less as draconian as those of the United States, where it took me two years and $8000 in filing and iimmigrration lawyer's fees to get my wife a green card. You can't just throw your shit in a station wagon, drive to the Canadian border, give the password (Bush sucks) and be waved in.

  31. acer Says:

    @Mike S.:
    There's so much out there on Dondero. Even the bitter old Yosemite Sam characters in the Reason comments section distance themselves from this guy.

  32. Amused Says:

    On Disillusioned Guy: You mean Americans are actually subject to other countries' immigration laws?? Outrageous!!

  33. Major Kong Says:

    Hmmmmmm

    What was it I kept hearing from conservatives back in 2000?

    No, that's not it. No, not that either. Hold on, it'll come to me.
    Oh yeah, that's it…..

    YOU LOST! DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  34. Monkey Business Says:

    When Gore lost in 2000 and Kerry lost in 2004, I was pretty bummed because I thought George W. Bush wasn't going to be a good President. I expressed this opinion to a few conservative/libertarian friends, who in no uncertain terms told me to quit bitching; they won, I lost, deal with it.

    Four years later, Bush is almost universally acknowledged as the worst President in modern history, and Obama wins election, kicking off four fucking years of conservative butthurt which had only just begin to subside right before the GOP's Presidential Candidate Clown Car rolled into town and foisted on us Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, Rick Perry, and Rick Santorum on us as Serious Presidential Candidates, which was in turn followed by Mitt Romney whipping out his Money Hose and blasting them all in the face with big wads of cash.

    Unfortunately, Mitt's big Money Hose proved to be rather flaccid in the general election, so Obama gets reelected, and the butthurt begins anew.

    I swear to God, if I have to spend another four years listening to a bunch of butthurt conservatives make bad Obama puns I'm gonna go Jew Bear on their asses and beat them to death with a baseball bat.

  35. Nate Says:

    @xynzee Surprisingly, a few more counties in Indiana went blue this year than in 2008 (6 as opposed to 2). Donnelly's win was more of a rejection of Mourdock because he beat Lugar's re-election bid. I'm so glad Mourdock didn't get elected too, that man is a real piece of fundie rape apologizing work. I'm not thrilled that Pence got elected gorvernor, because he's a lot like Mitch and he'll keep Indiana in a stagnant backwards morass, just like Mitch did.

  36. Mo Says:

    Eric would be the first to turn apparatchik if treated to a nice ride in the black sedan with tinted windows. Cowardly weasels make such useful informants, particularly if threatened with unpleasant little….uh…"treatments."

    Taibbi's right – these weiners have no idea what losing a so-called election is like elsewhere.

  37. Mo Says:

    Wait! Wait! I've got it! Eric should move to Alaska!

    Arkansas North

  38. Rosalux Says:

    @One Disillusioned Guy
    As an attorney who's practiced immigration law, I'm do grasp that Canada is a sovereign nation with its own immigration laws and that you can't just waltz across the border. I agree that people who talk that way are stupid. That said, if you want to have a throw-down about who has the most draconian and non-sensical immigration laws, we will beat you like a drum. Ask any immigration lawyer. I get that the road to a visa is bumpy in Canada, but US immigration law is the Fire Swamp in Princess Bride – nobody gets out alive, or at least without serious flesh wounds.

  39. RyanH Says:

    So you were related Stanislaw, huh?

  40. John Says:

    Like most Libertarian detritus, Mr. Dondero would like to announce his plans to stage his hissy-fit 'revolt' while still mooching off of all of the benefits that our Great Red Communist Dictatorship provides him.

  41. JohnR Says:

    You got to "pity"?! I stalled at "disgust". Pathetic overgrown toddlers like this doofus don't get any pity from me. These are the whiners who piss on the people "below them" and tongue-polish the backsides of those "above them".

    Also, @Mr. Prosser: "It has to be a put on. It sounds like someone from Wonkette wrote it."
    I don't think so. Sure, it's hard to tell the Wonkette and Onion funtime parodies from real life any more, but this is simply too perfect to be from Wonkette. This is the very zenith of Libertarian angst in action. Old cranks like Ron Paul can at least avoid the tantrum trap when they lose (lots of practice prepares you), but the rank-and-file Libertarian impressionable young middle-schoolers-at-heart dig down deep for their squalling, floor-pounding, pants-filling rages. I'd be concerned about young Dondero, though – the next thing you know, he's going to go out in the backyard and eat worms and die and then we'll be sorry, but it will be TOO LATE! I sure hope his Mommy is keeping a watchful eye on him.

  42. mtraven Says:

    Thanks Mike S, that Ron Paul "defens"e certainly helps flesh out the picture of Mr. Dondero. At least in the past, he has ventured out of his basement apartment to play his part on the public stage, complete with costume (a "yarlmuke" (sic)):

    …Yes, I was asked (not forced), to attend the conference dressed in a Jewish yarlmuke, and other Jewish adornments.

    There was another incident when Ron finally agreed to a meeting with Houston Jewish Young Republicans at the Freeport office. He berated them, and even shouted at one point, over their un-flinching support for Israel. So, much so, that the 6 of them walked out of the office. I was left chasing them down the hallway apologizing for my boss.

    Is Ron Paul a homo-phobe? Well, yes and no. He is not all bigoted towards homosexuals. He supports their rights to do whatever they please in their private lives. He is however, personally uncomfortable around homosexuals, no different from a lot of older folks of his era.

    It must be hard for someone who played such a vital role in presidential politics to be reduced to threatening to shit on the neighbor's lawn…well, ok, it's not all that big a change.

  43. quickly Says:

    "break up with them without haste"

    why do this slowly?

  44. Anonymous Says:

    If you've not seen it, you must check out this NYMag interview with Dondero:

    http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/11/eric-dondero-boycott-democrat-libertarian.html

    A highlight:

    Question: You come upon a neighbor

  45. Anonymous Says:

    whom you know to be a Democrat — drowning in a lake. You're the only person in the vicinity. Do you help him?

    Answer: Whew! Now that one is really, really tough. I honestly do not have an answer for that one. You could always be a smartass about it I suppose. Scream: "Hey Joe, you sure you're a Democrat? Just say the word, 'Obama sucks,' simple as that. Just mouth the words 'Obama sucks' and I'm in the water."

  46. College Freshmen Says:

    I started reading the comments on the actual article at the request of suttree… Once I had scrolled down to where the trolls jumped in, I realized that this guy is completely insane. I Thought at first that he might be joking or something, but he's completely serious and beyond just your average crazy.

  47. Arslan Says:

    I encourage others to go to the link and join in the grand trolling of this adult baby.

  48. What The Karp!?! Says:

    Hahaha, the Dwight picture. It was in my head as I read that line.

  49. Isaac Says:

    At one point in the comments he posts his cell number (it's still there) so that someone can meet him to be spit at.

    Perhaps it's immature to "unfriend" someone on Facebook because of their politics, but in the last few weeks I finally cut the cord on a few conservative nutter acquaintances after asking myself, "now that I know what is in his mind, would I still invite him over for dinner?" There's a point when it's like, "fuck you and your stupid racist ignorant worldview."

    Totally unrelated: This is the absolute best coat to be wearing if the BBC comes by to do an interview:
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-20302302

  50. Sarah Says:

    Anybody see the secession petitions?

    What gets me is that there are petitions for New York and New Jersey to secede. Wow. I wonder if any of those signers are Sandy victims.

  51. Scott Says:

    I can assure you that I have definitely heard of Eric Dondero. In fact, back in 2007 when Eric was running for congress for the state of Texas (after being fired from the Ron Paul campaign for being a complete nutcase), he and I had some interesting email exchanges in response to some of the comments he posted on my blog.

    A word to the wise — my blog is aimed toward Teh Gays and is comprehensively NSFW — which may be why Eric seems to read it so much.

    http://www.billinexile.com/2007/09/24/the-ugly-american-libertarian/

    http://www.billinexile.com/2007/09/22/quote-of-the-day-158/

  52. Buffalo Rude Says:

    @One Dissillusioned Guy

    You can't just throw your shit in a station wagon, drive to the Canadian border, give the password (Bush sucks) and be waved in.

    When did they change that law? Hah. Back in 2004 I was just gonna tell 'em I'm heading to Fort Erie for some of teh bomb-est Chinese food outside of NYC, then refuse to leave.

  53. Isaac Says:

    @Sarah,

    If you click on the petitions, there are people "signing" them from all different states. I don't have time to look through them all and compare, but I'm guessing it's a pile of the same people.

  54. Sarah Says:

    If you click on the petitions, there are people "signing" them from all different states. I don't have time to look through them all and compare, but I'm guessing it's a pile of the same people.

    Oh, yeah. I went flipping through the one for Florida and I noticed there were signers from all over the place. Which really pisses me off. But at any rate, it's likely to be an unsuccessful endeavor. The petition for Texas is already over 32,000 so someone is supposed to post an official response. I expect it will be on the order of, LMAO.

  55. sartoris Says:

    The Republican Party is in the throes of a very interesting schism. Just as when Buckley kicked out the John Birch Society in order to make the Party more electable, someone will need to come forward and remove the Tea Party. This will be quite enjoyable to watch.

  56. Isaac Says:

    Maybe Eric could be on MTV: http://spokane.craigslist.org/tfr/3405615838.html

  57. BobS Says:

    Rosalux, I don't want to start an argument with someone whose expertise is in immigration law, but my perception has been (based on my day-to-day experience working in a large metropolitan Detroit area hospital) that just the opposite is true. This area draws extremely large numbers of Chaldeans (Iraqi Christians), and relatively large numbers of Russian Jews and Albanians. As a longtime advocate for universal single-payer in the US, I'm constantly incredulous at how apparently easy it is to not only enter the country but to immediately avail oneself of health insurance (Medicaid) that tens of millions of Americans do without.

  58. Arslan Says:

    It is not easy to get even a tourist visa to the US. The US requires interviews for Russian citizens; I know of no other country which requires such interviews(even for tourist visas). If there are Russian Jews or Albanians coming in it is most likely they have some relatives already living there, which makes things a lot easier.

    As for Americans in Canada or Europe, I would think you just get the 90 day tourist visa when you get your passport stamped. This is the case in the EU. With the right job you can often live in Europe by exiting the country and re-entering every 90 days. Once your in the country nobody(in terms of law enforcement) asks for your passport anyway.

  59. Xynzee Says:

    One of the legacies of the Shrub-Bonsai era was now Aussies and Americans can get a one year working holiday visa.

    @Nate: Thanks. I was actually more interested in that house that went BOOM!!

    @Sarah: it would appear that the significance of 1859 on the Beaver State flag means nothing to these idiots.

    So how much of the TX economy is bolstered by military spending to make it 15th in the world?

  60. One Dissillusioned Guy Says:

    @Rosalux,

    " I get that the road to a visa is bumpy in Canada, but US immigration law is the Fire Swamp in Princess Bride – nobody gets out alive, or at least without serious flesh wounds."

    Agreed, you're preaching to the choir. I'm a professional musician who often plays jazz festivals in Canada, and since becoming a US resident I'm now viewed as a 'foreign artist' and must fill out some minor paperwork as well as a 'non-resident tax waiver' for revenue Canada. The whole schmear involves about three pages of simple forms and a phone call, where I talk to the same nice lady every year, who always inquires about my family and the weather here in New Orleans.

    Conversely, when I taught at Tulane I co-curated a seies for visiting artists to perform at the university. Even though I have extensive connections in the Canadian jazz community and could have got prominent artists for cheap, the cost and complexity of obtaining a P-2 visa was prohibitive. If you've ever wonder why so few foreign jazz artists play in the US, it's because immigration keeps em out.

  61. Canuck Says:

    C'mon Ed, pick on someone your own size…

  62. Jim Says:

    Aren't we so lucky that people who actually mattered didn't behave this way? Can you imagine if actual heroes were actually just children hiding behind big words?

    "We're all going to march to this segregated diner and sit in it whether they like it or not, at least until a moment before the cops turn up, so that we don't end up breaking any laws. And then we will ride the bus back to our homes, in the back seat of course, or else we'd get arrested."

    "We will fight them on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, unless of course they point guns at us, in which case we'd better just put our weapons away and call them poop-heads instead, so they might not hurt us."

    I'm very much relieved that this guy (if he's even for real) is so childishly craven, or else I might actually be concerned about him doing something unpleasant.

  63. Dave Rywall Says:

    "Break up with them without haste."

    BREAK UP WITH THEM!

    BUT MAKE SURE YOU TAKE YOUR SWEET SEET TIME!

    YOU DO NOT WANT TO RUSH!

  64. Joy Says:

    I'm hoping he updates his Facebook photo after he gets the crap beat out of him at Walmart and/or business establishments that he intends to picket and harass customers. You know someone is going to take a swing. Everyone loves a bigoted asshole at the checkout.

  65. Cthulhu Says:

    "Making sure others in line have heard me," as though random strangers will be inspired by his puerile "wisdom." Just imagine the amount of eye-rolling and laughing that is going to ensue when he does this…while waiting in line at Wal-Mart, where paying by EBT and/or being an old person dependent on the government is practically a prerequisite for admission.

    You might remind him that many Walmart EMPLOYEES are on EBT because Walmart is too greedy to pay their own employees a living wage.

    I'd pay money to have someone follow this jerk around with a camera for a month.

  66. Zach Says:

    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3rqhh9/

  67. Chico Says:

    This guy wont do ANY of what he says. he's just angry and bitter.

    He'll eventually get over it and move on.

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