I know this violates both the letter and the spirit of NPF, but I struggle to think of something more bizarre, wonderful, and entertaining than Megyn Kelly's walking tour of the Fox studio (to question the integrity and competence of the people the network pays to make calls for them) on election night. While the following video captures the entire Fox meltdown – the first 4:45 of the video is Karl Rove's emotional deterioration, if you're interested – the ridiculous yields to the surreal at the 4:47 mark when Kelly is helped down from the news desk and then followed around various hallways while she awkwardly chit-chats on her way to confront the behind-the-scenes team. We're all used to Fox News being awful and descending into self parody, but..

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this is just weird, guys.

This is dadaism at its finest. It has the production quality of a snuff film and the weird tension of a performance in which something completely unpredictable is expected to happen without warning or cause.

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I keep waiting for her to round a corner and be impaled by a spear, or confronted by a hissing wolverine, or pied in the face, or engaged in conversation with a man dressed in a garment made entirely of sugar packets. My fondness for absurdist humor is well documented, and this video reminds me that the darkest comedy always comes from watching something ridiculous and realizing, "Oh my god they're serious."

In case you needed this to be funnier, apparently Fox producers cooked up this scheme as a way not only to prolong interest among viewers after Romney was clearly toast but also to get Megyn Kelly's legs on camera. It's not like we thought they were hiring their newsmodels for their journalistic integrity, but it's nice to have this point made explicit.

I have never made but one prayer, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.

31 thoughts on “NPF: DUCHAMP NEWS”

  • A off-the-cuff, behind-the-scenes walk-through of Fox News. What a good idea.

    Was anyone else expecting her to open a door and hear a thousand small, insect-like voices, speaking as one, "Ia! Shib-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods With a Thousand Young!"

    Kelly: "Whoops! Wrong door–that's our research division! Moving on…"

  • Middle Seaman says:

    Carl consistently goes on: no global warming, no evolution, no Obama victory, young people don't like Democrats (they are bought). Doesn't make me laugh. Heard these jokes before.

  • Of all the Rightist tanties over the election result, this was the best. However I also saw it as rank intimidation of the decision team.

  • c u n d gulag says:

    FUX Noise, as "Theatre of the Absurd."

    This was Ionesco meets Beckett.

    Megyn Kelly was the last one who hadn't yet turned turn into a "Rhinocerous" on the set (or a troll, like Krauthammer or Morris), and she couldn't 'wait for Godot,' so she went seeking the truth.

    And there should be no surprise that the people who actually know sh*t about sh*t at FUX, are kept in the basement.

    We should be thankful she didn't find the statisticians being waterboarded, racked, whipped, branded, and iron-maidened. Karl Rove would have heartily approved of all of that, if he got the results he wanted.

    And now, we can safely assume that anyone who still watches FUX Noise after the lead-up to, and the results of the election, and the absurdity and hilarity we watched in this clip, is a rage-hate-and-fear Dark-side junkie, and no amount of interventions can ever save them.
    They are lost to that Dark-side – forever…

  • I don't understand the problem. Why would Fox rent her legs if they didn't seize any and every opportunity to use them? It would be like Hooters hiring small, flat-chested, or fat women and/or making every waitress wear loose, baggy outfits. You all act like Fox isn't the essence of the RW world-view: women are fluffy-headed toys and eye-candy, Important People know what's right, and everybody else should just shut up. Anyway, as the Major points out, all the other networks are just the same; women are only allowed on the set for decorative purposes and to show how light-weight their "thinking" processes are. Everyone knows Anchorman was just a silly comedy – no news show would ever really allow a woman to do anything other than sports or Emily Litella opinion pieces from the "woman's point of view". Anything more than that would be more than they could handle, poor dears.
    Incidentally, nobody tell my wife I just wrote that stuff. I'm in enough trouble as it is.

  • Rove could not believe that he and his ilk were unable to buy the presidency.

    It reminded me of some B-movie where the evil mastermind has just been informed that the superhero had slipped his clutches.

    "Curses! How could he have done it! My minions were poised at these strategic points to waylay such a possibility. No. No. It cannot be!"

    And too, there was an undercurrent of lament at the end of his faith in white male hegemony.

  • I saw the Dick Morris twitter feed during the election and couldn't tell if it was actually him, or someone parodying him. (Similarly, the IDF account right now is almost indistinguishable from a too-accurate parody of itself).

  • i think of the "Wizard of Oz", and the "don't look behind the curtain" analogy. oh how the high and mighty have been exposed!

    what? the Emperor is Naked??

  • While I enjoy me some Fox schadenfreude, I wanted an NPF baseball column. Would it be too much to ask for some FJM treatment of all the "Miggy for MVP!" columns.

  • mel in oregon says:

    watching fox noise is like having a root canal. the fact that they have some good looking women doesn't make it enticing enough to wade through their horse shit. besides everyone on there is bought & paid for by wallstreet. karl rove & mitt romney are two of the biggest horse's asses the planet's ever seen.

  • I guess it's pretty hard to stride purposefully in fuck-me-pumps.

    You clearly do not have much experience with S&M.

  • Watching Rove's meltdown, I'm reminded this is the guy they called "Bush's brain."

    Makes sense, doesn't it?

    As if being Bush's brain is some kind of compliment!

  • c u n d gulag says:

    If you look at the record, you'd have plenty of evidence that Rove wasn't "Bush's Brain," but that Bush was "Rove's Brain."

    That feckin' idjit never won and election that didn't involve W.

  • Oh hardy har har. Shame on you all for trying to convince me that was an actual news broadcast. It's clearly a remake of the Carol Burnett Show. I just love Mrs Wiggins and Mr Tudball, and their new stage set is great!

  • To be fair, she's mocking Karl Rove; she's not cahoots with him. At least that was my impression. Doesn't excuse her working for Fox, but she earned a modicum of respect from me for this.

  • Makes ya wonder why they have a polling department at all.

    All they need is an intern to pump out whatever results they order up.

  • I have to say that, after hearing about this on the air meltdown for a couple of weeks now, the reality of watching this was pretty anticlimactic. First of all, it's not spontaneous or off-the-cuff at all. Not only was it clearly arranged in advance, but Megyn Kelly clearly says that she's practiced this specific walking tour during rehearsal (they know where her audio is going to cut out, the cameras have already been positioned, the staffers have been warned she's coming through, etc.). So I think we have to ask what purpose Fox thought it was going to serve

  • and to be fair.. the chyron did cover her legs for most of the shot.

    I like it when they are all dolled up. if you watch videos with the sound off and rewind back a few frames you can get them to look really hot.

    it has to do with enunciation

  • Death Panel Truck says:

    I have never made but one prayer, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.

    Hmmm…is your name Voltaire by any chance?

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