FRESH NEW IDEAS

Do yourself a favor and read this summary of the Texas Republican Party platform if you want to see what modern Republican party activists believe in their heart of hearts (or, as the linked piece says, what they say when they are essentially talking to themselves.) I don't want to spoil it for you but let me say this: they're big fans of some really novel ideas. Like nullification.

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16 Responses to “FRESH NEW IDEAS”

  1. Templar Says:

    "Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes that you can do these things. Among them are a few Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."

    Pres. Eisenhower, if you only knew…

    My question: how do the fringe ideas of one state party, even one as influential as the Texas branch, get translated into Tea Party – and later Republican – dogma. Is this this through the actions of big donors and their control of the conservative think-tanks or directly through conservative media? Is there someone acting as a mediator and filter?

  2. buckyblue Says:

    Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out. And feel free to take your friends, Alabama, Louisiana, Arkansas and Mississippi with you.

  3. Elle Says:

    This type of thing really makes me reconsider my vague desire to live in Austin at some point in my life.

  4. J.D. Says:

    Much like the Bible, this is a confusing, self-contradictory document full of ideas that conservatives hold sacred to a ridiculous extent.

  5. Sarah Says:

    The pro-choice plank:

    We strongly support a woman’s right to choose to devote her life to her family and children.

    Can't make this shit up.

  6. Jared Says:

    > The pro-choice plank:

    > We strongly support a woman’s right to choose to devote her life to her family and children.

    Any reproductive status you want, so long as it's pregnant.

  7. Csicopper Says:

    Texans are always threatening to secede.

    After this, I'm there.

  8. c u n d gulag Says:

    Please secede.

    Sounds like they want a Christian version of Somalia north of the Rio Grande!

    I hope they get it.
    Be careful what you wish for, you rabid sociopaths!

    But only if the remaining sensible liberals in that state, have time to get the fuck out of there!

  9. Xynzee Says:

    I propose building a wall around the state, and turning it into a special protectorate territory. They can self govern at will, just not have a military and limited foreign policy provisions. I sure as crap do not want these nut cases having an arsenal.

    There would be a short amnesty to leave, but you had to prove your "liberal" bone fides, and anyone who sympathises would be forcibly relocated—there's already precedent for this policy "trail of tears", so it's cool.

  10. Denialist Duck Says:

    Or give them what they want. Put all the open-carry nuts and the end-timers together and let them go all Mad Max on each other. Just make sure they have a severe fuel shortage so they can't invade Mexico or surrounding states.

  11. Aimee Says:

    The lack of awareness it took for someone to write that they supported a woman's right to choose THE SINGLE SPECIFIC CHOICE THEY'VE LAID OUT FOR HER is actually dazzling. I'm seeing stars – or maybe that's just my human rights gaily sublimating before my eyes.

  12. democommie Says:

    You read shit like the Texas GOP's platform and you think, "Poe?" because the alternative is to start stocking up on .308 and canned goods. Nah, I don't even own a gun if the shit hits the fan I'll kill a few of the gunzloonz with my car when they're coming out of the gunz store and take THEIR shit. /s

  13. sluggo Says:

    So good to see the staff writers of The Onion have found work with Texas Tea Party.

  14. Sarah Says:

    The lack of awareness it took for someone to write that they supported a woman's right to choose THE SINGLE SPECIFIC CHOICE THEY'VE LAID OUT FOR HER is actually dazzling. I'm seeing stars – or maybe that's just my human rights gaily sublimating before my eyes.

    I'm going to blow your mind even further and tell you that there is a trope among anti-feminists to say that one of the evils wrought by women's rights activists is denying women who want to be homemakers who pop out a kid every year or two the opportunity to do so. See this.

  15. E* Says:

    "our final goal of total constitutional rights for the unborn child"

    This includes, of course, the right to bear arms. So woman of Texas, be fully prepared to shove firearms into your uterus so your little unborn tyke can enjoy all of his or her constitutional rights! I'm sure no harm can come of this. Sure.

  16. ConcernedCitizen Says:

    Holy fuck.