2014 LIEBERMAN AWARD WINNER: BOB McCULLOCH

(Editor's note: The Lieberman Award is given annually to the worst example of a human being over a twelve month period. Click the tag at the end of the post to review past winners.)

medalGin and Tacos and its parent company, Nordyne Defense Dynamics, hold very high standards with respect to the final product you see published here four or five times per week. When we say someone is an asshole, we want you the reader to know that we have done our homework and vetted the subject thoroughly. We aren't going to give you people who are just kind of an asshole. You can rest assured that when we look back at a year and say "This person was an asshole of such magnitude that he defined 2014 with how rotten he is at being human," the honor is richly deserved and well earned.

St. Louis County Prosecutor Bob McCulloch is everything wrong with America today, far more so than any cigar stealing Thug or even any trigger happy police officer could ever be. He is old, dying, white America incarnate, struggling mightily to control a country it is no longer capable of understanding and not even willing to try. Bob McCulloch is every gun-hoarding authoritarian personality type who sees a threat in everything and everyone that does not look and behave like himself. Bob McCulloch is the America that is on its way being demographically irrelevant and is attempting to maintain a position of superiority by dominating the institutions of state power to such an extent that their privileges can never be taken away. You know, like white people did in Apartheid-era South Africa.

Bob McCulloch is your uncle who bitches constantly about big government and taxes while every paycheck he has collected in his life has been from the public teat. He is the public's mental caricature of an incompetent, corrupt civil servant, so protected and insulated from the repercussions of his professional actions that he is unwilling even to fake giving a shit if you can see how corrupt he is. Bob McCulloch is the old, bitter white people that dot major cities throughout the Rust Belt; everyone young and financially able has left and now he reigns over a poor, crumbling, crime-ridden corpse of a city and it makes him so bitter and angry, despite his job security and material comfort, that all he can do to make himself feel a little better is lash out at people he considers a rung (or two) beneath him on the social ladder.

McCulloch's press conference on the night that what everyone already knew was announced – that no prosecution of the officer who shot Michael Brown would be forthcoming – was one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed. It redefined concepts like "brazen" for me and despite watching it at home alone I found myself uttering "Jesus! The balls on this guy!" in sincere wonderment more than once. From his petulant blame-shifting to The Twitters (which, incidentally, I highly doubt he even "gets") and the media to his blatantly dishonest effort to take advantage of the fact that 95% of Americans neither know what a grand jury is nor understand how it works, this was a masterful whitewashing performance by a man who very clearly knows a thing or two about whitewashings. He openly admits that he – actually his underlings, as he never bothered to attend the grand jury proceedings himself – merely threw a sampling of evidence and witness testimony (including testimony he admitted to knowing was false) at the grand jurors and waited until they came to the desired conclusion. That is exactly how the prosecutor's role in no grand jury ever works. But he got up there in front of the cameras as said that anyway because he assumes you don't know that, or if you do he simply doesn't give a shit that you see through the farce. He's untouchable and he knows it, wearing the perpetual smirk of the idiot son put in charge of the family business; everyone knows he's a moron, including him, as surely as everyone knows he's not going anywhere, ever.

The real problem is not Bob McCulloch, at least not beyond the borders of his limited jurisdiction. The problem is that there are hundreds of thousands of Bob McCullochs across this country, each one every bit as incompetent and lousy with prejudices. They have burrowed into every level and every part of the criminal justice system like ticks, from police to the courts to parole offices to administrative departments of every size and color. They probably run your police department, your local district attorney's office, your circuit courts, your state legislature, and anything else that offers a paycheck from the public coffers and a grandfathered-in pension. They all know one thing for certain, that they can tell good people (anyone who looks and thinks like them) from bad people (everyone else). Some part of them understands that this isn't really "Their" country anymore, but they're holding onto the institutions of power until their cold, dead hands are pried off and not a second sooner.

Congratulations to Bob McCulloch and all the Bob McCullochs around the United States. You've earned this award, hiding behind a wall of silence and collusion in homes bought with tax dollars watching a favorite Charles Bronson white revenge fantasy movie on VHS. You wield the instruments of state power like a sculptor does a hammer and chisel, the primary difference being that a sculptor must on occasion be subtle about the application of physical force.

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31 Responses to “2014 LIEBERMAN AWARD WINNER: BOB McCULLOCH”

  1. J. Dryden Says:

    Somewhere in a New York basement flophouse, Patrick Lynch hugs a bottle of Four Roses and cries at having been robbed.

  2. Anubis Bard Says:

    That's a lovely post. I usually like to dispute these kinds of singling-outs, but in this case I can't really think of any other bigger assholes.

    And J. Dryden, Ed was careful to award it to an entire ilk, so Mr. Lynch gets his nod as well.

  3. Lless Says:

    Great post, I just wish I could buy the trending to irrelevance part. The composition of the Governor's offices and the House of Representatives suggests that this depravity is still solidly majoritarian.

  4. John Danley Says:

    Sure he gets an award, but can we get an indictment?

    You have to be some kind of a special ass munch to beat the breathtaking competition this year. Quantum kudos and turds for Bob!

  5. quixote Says:

    I wouldn't take too much comfort from his age. There are plenty of appallingly bigoted young people. And, even more depressing, plenty more young people who become appallingly bigoted with age. Demographics won't save us.

    Although it would be nice to think all we have to do is wait.

  6. Xynzee Says:

    "Jesus! The balls on this guy!"
    I believe the word you are looking for is chutzpah.

    I also think he broke new ground in the definition. The difference between chutzpah and gall—think Menendez bros.—being the fact he got away with it.

    You may want to consider a name change to the award, McCulloch gives new meaning to "horrible excuse for a human being".

  7. anotherbozo Says:

    Hear, hear,great choice. Runner-up could be the NYC prosecutor who did the same for HIS grand jury. Or maybe the head of the police union. Or… But there is maybe a 200-way tie for second place.

  8. Tim H. Says:

    So, find a new angle on Dante's Inferno, and you could write these bozos into Hell. Just remember Niven & Pournelle did it first…

  9. c u n d gulag Says:

    Hear! Hear!!
    Where? Where?
    Here! Here!!!

    Well said, Ed!!!

    He more easily could have indicted a ham sandwich.
    He chose not to indict a white police officer who killed a young black man.

    Ho-hum.
    Another day in a dying America, and it's empire.

  10. c u n d gulag Says:

    Oh, and a Happy New Year to one and all.

    This last one sucked…………………………

  11. C.S. McClellan Says:

    I'm white, 78-years-old, and I approve this message. I've been reading your posts for the last year, and New Year's is a good time to say thank you.

  12. Mo Says:

    The purges of the 20th century haunt me – the Nazis, Stalin and his gulag archipelago, Mao's purges, famine, Cultural Revolution…

    In all of these, someone had to do the dirty work of settling old scores by turning in their neighbors, getting spattered with the blood and brains of the purge victims they killed, running the prisons and torturing inmates for confessions, driving people from their homes and usurping their possessions for their personal enrichment… you get the idea.

    We are a nation with a large population of poorly educated, heavily armed white authoritarians who think the police and armed services belong to them to save them from government persecution – Cliven Bundys by the million.

    They want a Christian theocracy so they can feel good about themselves if the oligarchy ever decides it's time set them to killing and imprisoning the rest of us. Or maybe they'll just continue to gnaw like rats at the structures that make our country civilized.

    What prompted today's Cassandra musings

  13. Mo Says:

    Actually, thinking over that last paragraph, we are there, right now, especially if one has brown skin.

    Look out ladies, you're in the chute, too – starve Grandma by reducing Social Security and Medicare, put Missy in prison if she wants to control when she's pregnant.

  14. Skepticalist Says:

    Good choice!

    I really hate being reminded of the existence of Joe Lieberman though. Still, it fits right in the shitty hole left by 2014.

  15. Emerson Dameron Says:

    My congratulations to Lawyer Bob for rising above a field that heavily featured: Charles C. Johnson, Bill Cosby, Eliott Rodger, GamerGate, the hosts of First Take, Travis Kalanick, Gavin McInnes, Mark Cuban, James Franco, Lena Dunham, Sam Pepper, Dan Harmon, and the aforementioned Patrick "Long Island" Lynch.

    What a year!

  16. Josh Says:

    Nicely done. And this year's award winner will surely make a great bar trivia question someday.

  17. Green Eagle Says:

    Where is any call for consequences of his corrupt, criminal behavior? I have not heard a single call from anyone in power for the removal of this man from office, and some appropriate penalty (e.g. 20 years in prison) for this perversion of the justice system to allow a blatant murderer to escape justice, because the victim was black.

  18. bjk Says:

    Ed is too smart to publish stuff like this. The fact is that blacks are moving into Ferguson precisely because it is run by competent civil servants like McCullouch, and escaping corrupt and black run municipalities. This is a case of what psychologists call mirroring.

  19. bjk Says:

    Oops, I already forget my "no commenting" resolution. So this is my last comment. What therapists call mirroring.

  20. Nate Says:

    I have never seen a more turgid grinning bag of bigoted shit than that guy. Ugh. Good choice.

  21. Mothra Says:

    What, no logic-free, misinformed comments from bjk anymore? 2015 looking better already.

    And yeah McCulloch and pals are pretty awful, but Dick Cheney really takes it for me. Although maybe he is just the honorary winner every year.

  22. Alan C Says:

    Cheney should get a Lifetime Achievement Award.

  23. James Hare Says:

    Dick Cheney should get a lifetime achievement in assholery award named after himself. The Dick Cheney Lifetime Asshole Achievement Award or something along those lines.

  24. Emerson Dameron Says:

    @bjk:

    Going out on a high note! Enjoy the racial determinism, bright guy.

  25. democommie Says:

    bjkfuckyou.

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  27. Grung_e_Gene Says:

    As written by previous commenters truly a bravissimo post. McCulloch in his expected run for Missouri AG had to let the MO Whites know that anytime they gunned down a black man he would look askance and aid in their defense.

    As noted, this is the death grip on the levers of power by a minority used to exerting and receiving undue State Power merely by the color of their skin.

  28. J R in WV Says:

    G&T:

    Please, stop holding back, let us know how you really feel about Bob McCulloch!

    Don't always leave us wondering how you feel about a scummoid pseudo-human hater, tell us why the haterz are bad people, unAmerican, strange outliers of inhumane thoughts.

    In other words, I agree that for this year, Bob McCulloch is one of the worst people to be prominent in the news. Of course, there were other hateful monsters out there, which we can be sure of because other people of color were killed across America with no feedback to the people across the nation about how the perps of such hate crimes are punished.

    This seemingly strange contradiction is explained by the simple fact that people in uniform who kill people of color are almost never prosecuted, convicted, and punished. With no negative reinforcement, why would a bad cop hesitate to kill whenever then waht?

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  30. democommie Says:

    @katy perry, etc.,:

    Sarah? Sarah Palin? Is that you, you little minx?