TURNS OUT YOU *CAN* RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS

I will be on vacation for two weeks, and I intend to continue updating during that time. It will be more sporadic than usual though. If you need quick and insubstantial fixes, you can of course follow me on – I hate myself for becoming the guy with every social media account – Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. I won't tell you where I'm going but there ARE giant tortoises involved.

Following politics day in and day out for the last 18 months has been exhausting and if at all possible I'm going to try to pretend the news doesn't exist during this trip. But I think we both know I can't stay away. In the meantime, post your best guess on which person who currently works at the pleasure of the President will be fired or "resign" by the time I return.

Oh, and if you're waiting on a t-shirt I apologize but you won't get it until I return. If that's a problem, go ahead and request a refund of your payment via PayPal.

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45 Responses to “TURNS OUT YOU *CAN* RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS”

  1. c u n d gulag Says:

    Enjoy!

    You've earned a break.l

  2. Noskilz Says:

    Have fun!

  3. Isaac Says:

    There can be only one? Two weeks, he might have new heirs by then.

    Have a great trip and be safe!

  4. mainmata Says:

    Well, if you're not going to spend at least two weeks in the Galapagos Islands then you're wasting your money. Darwin and I both envy you (well he would if he were still around, of course). Pay attention to the new Ecuadorian government (though they don't mess at all with the Galapagos tourist trade) since it may mean a refreshing change from the controlling Corea regime. Maybe.

  5. Emerson Dameron Says:

    In early enough to call Sessions.

    Enjoy the break.

  6. Alice Walker Says:

    Have a great trip.

    I'm a little late, but congrats on the WaPo editorial. Well done!

  7. dloburns Says:

    Hmm, I think I follow news closer when I travel mostly because I'm keeping a close eye on what's going to fuck up my airplane times.

  8. Mo Says:

    Bring along a copy of Robert Sapolsky's latest, Behave, if you haven't already read it. Something totally outside your field, but, oddly, very relevant to it.

    Worth reading twice in fact.

  9. Martine Gallant Says:

    Have a wonderful, well-earned break. Hope it's a perfect mix of relaxation & joy!

    P.S. My guess is that Kushner's out next.

  10. geoff Says:

    Sessions, duh. Followed closely by Mueller and a Constitutional Crisis!!

  11. democommie Says:

    So, I'm dating various women in this life.

    We have a great relationship, as best I can tell.

    So, one night, sorta outtatheblue one of them might say:

    "Hey, I've got a great idea! My friends and I have all decided that we're going to have a 'ladie's night', just once every couple of months or so…"

    A few months later, "ladies' night" is a weekly event–eventually replacing the "all important date night" that previously filled that slot–and WE'RE spending much less time with HER friends.

    At some point down the timeline she says:

    "I booked a vacation to Cancun with Jane and Tasha and a couple of guys they party with….".

    Ed, we can go fucking counseling, okay?!

    Have a great trip, try the kelp ceviche! Oh, and take along, "Galapagos" by Mr. Vonnegut.

  12. Safety Man! Says:

    @ democommie

    I'm sorry you had to find out that Ed has been cheating on you with the Washington Post like this…

    I call Bannon. I don't think he'll ride the ship all the way to the bottom.

  13. Hazy Davy Says:

    Bannon will be gone the instant he opens his mouth,…
    or is asked to open his mouth and stays silent.
    It's natural selection, and that guy is unfit for this environment.

  14. democommie Says:

    All of comrade commentariatists:

    Ed having out of t-shirts, saying, "Everything is terribly, all wayz" is not problem.

    I am having ready for to ship, t-shirts saying:

    "'Life sucks' is being feature, not bug!"–Vladimort Putain

    Send no money, only sending your bank routing #'s, etc., we are helping ourselves to correct amount. Then you are finding out shirt is true!

  15. democommie Says:

    @Safety Man!:

    At least it wasn't the WaTimes. If it was, Ed would be going on his honeymoon, right now–along with 700 other couples.

  16. LisaY Says:

    "'Life sucks' is being feature, not bug!"–Vladimort Putain

    For this shirt, I might give you my account number! The absolute BEST thing I have read in forever. Fucking brilliant!!

  17. Michael Says:

    Yay giant tortises

  18. mothra Says:

    Wait. What WaPo editorial? Why am I always the last to know everything?

  19. Safety Man! Says:

    @ mothra

    I forget all the places where Ed has been published recently; I just threw that out there for flavor.

  20. Devo_N Says:

    have fun!
    Tillerson, easy.

  21. ministerprime Says:

    You're going to Monster Island?

  22. democommie Says:

    @ LisaY:

    Please to be making for self and others, is released to public domain. If some asshole tries to get rich from it, they will have trouble being a decent person.

    Shit, that means Trumpligulamygdala will have it on the silkscreen machine by EOD.

  23. LisaY Says:

    My level of amusement may have something to do with being a mainframe computer programmer, all too familiar with 'bugs' :) but I hope it is also appreciated by a wider audience!

  24. Jon Says:

    I'm waiting for Mattis to peace out.

  25. Katydid Says:

    No fair, Ed? You're going to Monster Island?!? I wanna go to Monster Island!

    :::sigh:::

    I hope you have a wonderful time; you deserve it. We'll all be here when you get back.

  26. Em Says:

    McMaster. He seems competent and sane, so how long can he last?

  27. jcastarz Says:

    Have a good time, Ed. You've certainly earned it. And while you're away, try not to think too much about the unreality back here at home!

  28. BLOZAR Says:

    @Katydid

    Monster Island has a theme song.

    I hope Ed has fun.

  29. Ellis54 Says:

    I'm thinking you're headed to Reptile Garden in Rapid City to ride the giant tortoise like I did on my HS Senior trip 45 years ago, probably the same animal in fact. That will take 2 hours, max, and you can spend the remaining two weeks selling t-shirts at the Motorcycle Rally and Races in Sturgis, SD. You can learn some things down there that they don't teach in school…Enjoy!

  30. mago Says:

    There's this bit of ancient wisdom that states if you toss a piece of sandalwood into a cesspool it starts to smell like a piece of shit, and if a piece of shit finds its way to a sandalwood forest it transforms accordingly.
    So here's wishing you safe landing in an aromatic grove surrounded with all sensorial pleasures. You need a break from the political cesspool.
    And whoever gets ejected next from the drunken dumb show possesses some vestige of positive karma.

  31. entert anus Says:

    Ed goes on vacation…

    You won't believe what happens next.

    The results will SHOCK you!

  32. democommie Says:

    @ Ellis54:

    I don't gotta go to Sturgis to know I don't gotta go to Sturgis.

  33. Schmitt trigger Says:

    Well deserved vacation.

    I say, Kellyanne Conway

  34. NickT Says:

    I wonder how long Tom Price has left after TrumpDon'tCare crashed and burned. Sessions will stick around, I think, because he's a true Neoconfederate who sees his last chance to Make America Hateful Again in Trump.

  35. Bessemer Mucho Says:

    Wider audience here; I too appreciated 'Vladimort Putain' & saved it in my collection of bons mots from the internet. But I promise not to profit from it, or anything else, ever.

  36. democommie Says:

    @Bessemer Mucho:

    I'm just hoping to see it on somebody @ a Pussy Riot concert–certainly won't be happening in Moscow.

  37. HoosierPoli Says:

    Can I lay a 20 on Kushner and a 50 on Kelly? Cause it's gonna be one of the two.

  38. Skwerlhugger Says:

    Rodents. Tortoises. Just a suggestion, skip arachnology.

  39. satrap Says:

    I've never been so desperately naked that waiting 2 weeks for a t-shirt would become an issue. Enjoy your vacation, sir.

  40. democommie Says:

    @ satrap:

    I have been desperately naked on numerous occassions and found that whining was useless.

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  42. Ormond Otvos Says:

    McConnell is NOT a giant tortoise.

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  44. democommie Says:

    @Ormond Ortvos:

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