WEEKEND BONUS: PRURIENCE

I'm not entirely sure what athletic purpose is served (pun intended) by having women's volleyball players compete in stripper-caliber bikinis (outdoor) or tiny spandex shorts that might as well be painted on (indoor). Of the many things I can imagine enhancing one's performance in volleyball, neither thongs nor camel toe are among them.

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NPF: START THE REAR ADMIRAL JOKES NOW

I am being interviewed for an assistant professor position at the US Coast Guard Academy.

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You may let fly the "poop deck" and "seaman" and "rear admiral jokes" now. It may bring good luck.

It would probably be fair to tell them that I have never been on a boat but I still have respect for the men and women of America's 17th line of defense (just ahead of the Mississippi National Guard and behind the League of Women Voters).

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This interview is bound to go better than the one at Texas Christian. Not even kidding.

WEEKEND BONUS: BIZARRO WORLD

Given that we're already getting the most substantive news on television from a pair of comedians and a former ESPN anchor, it makes sense that Bob freakin' Costas is now offering better reality-based commentary than the mainstream media.
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During Friday's absolutely stunning opening ceremony at the Olympics (more on that Monday):

Joey Cheek had planned to invoke the Olympic truce, the time-honored concept of an Olympic truce, to call attention to the humanitarian crisis in Sudan. He did not intend to directly protest the Chinese government. The fact that they pulled his visa is so contrary to the Olympic ideal it is simply outrageous.
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This isn't the first time he's smacked the world in the face with reality. And to be so blunt on-air during a major event is far more than we could expect from a real reporter, so I guess we need to get it from a sportscaster.
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HIGH-CLASS MONEY LAUNDERING

An office manager at Hess Oil and her husband, a foreman at the local Amtrak station, donate $57,000 to McCain's campaign the day after he flip-flops on offshore drilling. Hmm. Seems kinda high for a pair of people who have never made a political donation in their lives and probably make about $40,000/yr each, no?

"Honey, now that we're 60, let's start making political contributions.

How about we mortgage the house to give McCain sixty grand?"

"That won't work, dear. We can't even afford a house. We rent this one, remember?"

LET'S CALL IT "ELF GRASS"

Ben Wattenberg put on a magnificent display of hackery on The Daily Show last night, pointing out (logically!) that the only problem with neoconservatism is that the name has a bad reputation.

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If we named it something else, 90% of Americans would sign up!

Brilliant, Ben. Watch it here.