GIN AND TACOS

I have wasted the overwhelming majority of my life, but I'm fairly certain that no portion of it was more thoroughly wasted than the 30 minutes I just spent watching Our President's press conference on The New Way Forward (tm) in Iraq.

Never have I seen someone look more desperate and clueless, nor have I heard anyone say less with so many words. That felt like an episode of Max Headroom – random phrases combined with epileptic, disconnected delivery.

"New Way Forward" and "we won't retreat" and "bipartisanship" and "extremism will not win" and "sectarian violence" and "surge" and every other random catchphrase you could imagine jammed into every answer, irrespective of the question. He even repeated that ol' chestnut about how we all need to shop more to help the economy. What in god's name that had to do with anything, I cannot say.

A quick summation and translation: "I have absolutely no fuckin' idea what to do. If I dove headlong into this situation without a plan, why would you think I'm capable of devising one now? So we're just gonna stay the course, lose, and then blame it on the Democrats. Like Vietnam! We only lost that war because the liberals made us quit! I tell ya….10, 15 more years and we woulda won that sumabitch!"

Carry on with your day. I will stay awake an extra 30 minutes tonight to compensate for the void in the space-time contiuum that I just exited.

It may not be progress, but at least it's progressive. A progressive increase, that is.

I'm so fuckin' tired of all these people who are embarassed because of how loudly they proclaimed this war was a good idea in 2002 (i.e. It will only take 6 weeks, they will hail us as liberators, etc).

Now they're SO desperate for some rational cover that they keep seizing upon these "turning points" that supposedly beckon the end of the insurgency.

Remember when Hussein was captured? That was going to cause all his former supporters to realize the futility of further resistance and lay down their arms.

Remember when Iraq held elections? That was the nail of democracy into the insurgents' heart.
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Remember when Zarqawi was killed? That was the great tactical blow that severed the insurgency's alleged command-and-control.
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There is no "turning point" and there is no end. It gets worse and worse every goddamn day. I have very little aside from pure spite for all these people (in the media, in the neocon right, and in the voting public) who in the past two years suddenly decided that they dislike George Bush and that Iraq is a disaster.

You voted for the guy (probably twice) and you jumped on the We <3 War bandwagon without the slightest bit of thought in 2002. You were wrong and now a lot of people are dead. It's entirely your fault. I know you won't learn from this, and I know that next time we come to a similar situation you'll flap your gums and bang the drum just as loudly irrespective of the fact that you were wrong about absolutely everything in Iraq. But in the meantime, the least you could do is show a tiny shred of humility and spare us from being expected to entertain your guilt-driven fantasy rationalizations about how the insurgency is just about to collapse.

In closing, fuck you.

Sincerely,
Ed

I think the best indicator that a fledgling nation is successfully marching toward stable democracy is when the Red Cross throws in the towel.

True, the ICRC may have operated in Somalia, Rwanda, Bosnia, and every other hellish collapsing nation of the past 100 years.
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But packing up and leaving Baghdad is nothing less than an endorsement – clearly the reason they are evacuating is that there is no more work for them to do. The Iraqi government has "stood up," so now international aid agencies can "stand down.
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"

The President was right.

To prove how wrong I have been about Genesis' greatness, I humbly submit the video for "Illegal Alien":

Yes, it's exactly what you think it is: Phil Collins in a Dirty Sanchez mustache singing in faux-broken English about trying to sneak across the US-Mexican border. Neither your eyes nor your ears deceive you.

Listen to those ultra-realistic coffee-can drum samples!

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Posting about Genesis had two unexpected side-effects: arousing controversy and bringing Erik Martin out of a year-long posting hibernation.
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I am therefore not sorry for having posted about Genesis nor for pointing out how much they blow.

But I have an aversion to dissention. I wish to bring different peoples together in harmony. That is why I am now posting a video of Heino, the German version of….
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well, I'm not sure there is anything comparable in any other culture.

It is like a David Hasselhoff song, only much worse.
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Unless it is an elaborate joke that I just don't get.

A student showed up to my final exam wearing a Genesis t-shirt, and he was wearing it non-ironically.
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The man really likes Genesis.

This floored me for several reasons. First, Genesis may be the worst band in the history of our species. It sounds like synth-pop sung by eunuchs. Second, I cannot recall having met someone who honestly liked Genesis with no irony or winking in at least 15 years. I am fairly certain that when I was in grade school, someone probably expressed a fondness for them.
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But that was long ago. Lastly, and most importantly, of the people remaining on Earth who like Genesis I was all but certain than none were under 40 as of 2006. The student in question appeared to be about 20.

This is all deeply troubling.

I didn't dare ask how much he liked Rush, mostly because I feared the answer that I knew would follow. How does a young person in this day and age, with a world of music at the end of his DSL connection, go so horribly astray?
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Perhaps I should call a social worker and report this young man as a victim of childhood musical abuse. Whichever parent exposed him to this stuff should be reprimanded harshly.

Dear humanity,

I am happy to report that I smote General Pinochet's blackened soul today at the age of 91. I sincerely apologize for not getting around to this 45 years ago. Similar lapses in judgment will not happen in the future.

Regards,
Your Lord

Seriously, if you want to begin to grasp why US foreign policy is so fucked up and why everyone seems to hate us, sit back for a minute and realize that we not only engineered the coup to put this cocksucker in office but we were subsequently his biggest ally. We spent the entire Cold War failing to see the distinction between Democracy and Anti-Communism, preaching the former but always settling for the latter.

To paraphrase Paul Westerberg, if this isn't the worst thing I've ever seen than I guess it's the best.