GIN AND TACOS

The Boston Globe has a neat little piece about soldiers' reactions to the "Iraq Study Group" recommendations. Of course, it doesn't bear repeating that the group's recommendations are A) pitifully watered down and B) almost certain to be used as toilet paper in the White House. I can't call him out by name because he happens to be affiliated with my University, but let's just say I'd really like to put my foot in the ass of the "Democratic" co-chair of the ISG panel. He's one of those Lieberman/Zell Miller douchebags who is used to christen projects like this with the window-dressing illusion of bipartisanship.

I find this quote particularly cute:

"In Iraq, we try to win the hearts and minds of population," said Dow, 32, of Chicago. "They want Americans out of here. They blame us for all their problems. They look at us as the terrorists and then they turn around and help the terrorists who are trying to kill us."

Nope, that doesn't sound like Vietnam at all! Boy do I feel better now. That quote certainly couldn't pass for a soldier's commentary in 1968 if you replaced "terrorists" with "Viet Cong!"

Please evaluate the following potential album titles for A) awesomeness and B) likelihood of resulting in litigation.

What Kobe Wants, Kobe Gets

Guns n' Roses Presents: Chinese Democracy

The first is more clearly libelous, but by withholding a surname we (arguably) are not directly defaming Mr. Bryant's impeccable moral character.

The latter choice seems more likely to result in letters from attorneys, because I think we can all safely assume that Axl has absolutely no money left.

None. And he just seems like the kind of guy who would sue a lot anyway (let the 2002 MTV VMA performance serve as evidence – watch on an empty stomach).

By the way, what happens if China is in fact substantially democratic by the time Chinese Democracy finally gets released? I realize that's more of an "if" than a "when" but there's something undeniably awkward about ironic album titles rendered unironic by actual events.

(OK, did you watch the VMA "performance" clip?

I haven't seen that in 5 years, and I recall thinking it was the worst, most painful thing I had ever seen. My opinion hasn't changed with the passage of time.)

It is with great sadness that I pass along the following news:

The Baron Doodle von
Taintstain, 2ish, of Bloomington, beloved pet of Rancho Relaxo, has passed away. His passing was painless and in his sleep.

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The likely cause is the landlord's refusal to fix the broken furnace in a timely manner, allowing indoor temperatures to drop below 40 degrees.

He is survived by his owner, Liz, and premarital step-owner, Ed. Services will be held tonight in the guest bathroom of their home.
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In lieu of flowers, please donate to the Sierra Club.

I don't know who Jerry Klein is, but he's officially on my short list of heroes.

Apparently he's a DC-area radio host who kicked off an hour-long segment of his show by announcing that all Muslims in the United States should carry special ID cards and be marked with either a visible crescent tattoo or a red armband.

Sounds a little….out there, doesn't it? Not according to the listeners! Among a smattering of callers who told Klein he's out of his mind, supportive callers made comments such as:

"Not only do you tattoo them in the middle of their forehead but you ship them out of this country … they are here to kill us."

"What good is identifying them? You have to set up encampments like during World War Two with the Japanese and Germans.

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"

It wasn't until the end of the show, after an hour of hearing DC's finest share their helpful hints on how best to mitigate the "threat in our midst" that Klein revealed that he had pulled a fast one on his right-wing listeners. He explained that his "proposal" was in fact a hoax, and then offered his response:

"I can't believe any of you are sick enough to have agreed for one second with anything I said."

"For me to suggest to tattoo marks on people's bodies, have them wear armbands, put a crescent moon on their driver's license on their passport or birth certificate is disgusting. It's beyond disgusting."

"Because basically what you just did was show me how the German people allowed what happened to the Jews to happen … We need to separate them, we need to tattoo their arms, we need to make them wear the yellow Star of David, we need to put them in concentration camps, we basically just need to kill them all because they are dangerous.

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"

Jerry Klein, you f'n rule.

Reactionary racist Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo (I could tell you what party he belongs to, but do I really have to?) recently got in some hot water for saying the following about the city of Miami on noted wingnut rant outlet WorldNetDaily.com.

"Look at what has happened to Miami. It has become a Third World country. You just pick it up and take it and move it someplace.

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You would never know you're in the United States of America. You would certainly say you're in a Third World country," Tancredo said.

Pretty strong words, Tom! The average non-Republican might find some things to criticize about that statement. But I have to rush to the good Congressman's defense for a minute. He didn't mean it that way. Let me explain.

What he means is that southern Florida conducts elections just like they do in Nicaragua or Mozambique. After all, the Department of Justice just declared southern Florida to be the most corrupt place in America. And there isn't even a close second.

Noted corruption capitals like Chicago and New York pale in comparison to the tip of America's wang.

If you're not convinced by the statistics, it's worth noting that Florida's 13th Congressional district race is still undecided because their electronic voting machines mysteriously and inexplicably recorded 18,000 no-votes for the House candidates. Coincidentally enough, the "results" from the voting machines place the Republican candidate just a few hundred votes ahead.

Amazing. Even MORE coincidentally, it's Katherine Harris's old district. EVEN MORE COINCIDENTALLY, the 18,000 no-vote ballots voted 2 to 1 in favor of Democrats in other races on the ballot.

I mean this with all sincerity and honesty, South Florida: go fuck yourself. Shut the hell up and stop trying to influence the affairs of our formerly great nation until you can conduct an election that would pass UN Election Observer standards for the average Ukranian parliamentary race.

Tom Tancredo is right. I just don't think he's aware of why he's right.

Looks like Bill Frist is already pulling out (too bad his father didn't do the same! *rimshot*). All that Dobson-fluffing was for naught.

In even better news, looks like Liddy Dole's retarded ass will be heading the NRSC again in 2008. This just in – the Senatorial campaign organization that she ran into the ground in 2006 not only lost SIX SEATS but also lost money doing it! Yep, they're in debt and they're asking for more help just to get out of the red. Try a bake sale, bitch.

Lastly, ginandtacos.com is soon to have a spin-off site – a Family Matters to ginandtacos' Perfect Strangers. It's going to be dedicated to political oddsmaking and it will start out with early analysis of the 2008 Senate, House, and Presidential races. Basically, it'll be Sabato's Crystal Ball with more dick jokes. Whee!

(I bet you totally forgot that Family Matters is technically spun off of Perfect Strangers. It is. Harriet Winslow – the mom on FM – worked at thenewspaper with Cousin Larry from PS.)

As anyone who has been following the news is already aware, this hasn't been a particularly good fortnight for America's law enforcers. Whether they're tasering Arab college kids, firing off 50 rounds at an unarmed wedding party, or popping a cap in an 88 year old woman in her home, there has been plenty of reason to discuss issues of police and the use of force recently.

Unfortunately, such discussions inevitably end up being reduced to "Look, police officers have a stressful, dangerous job. They have to make snap decisions and it's too easy to second-guess." This is, of course, the conclusion of the argument for those who defend the police in these instances. There's a certain logic to that, I admit. It really is a dangerous, stressful job. No one can dispute that. The logical leap I fail to make, however, is that stressful employment = carte blanche for inappropriate conduct.

While being a cop is certainly hazardous, it's not even close to the most dangerous job in the United States. Not even in the top 10, as a matter of fact. According to the Department of Labor, the 10 jobs in which one is most likely to be killed in the line of work are (fatalities per 100,000 hrs. of work) working on a fishing boat or in the timber industry. Regarding injuries (non-fatal), law enforcement isn't even in the top 25 – being a steel worker seems to offer the highest odds of injury.

Furthermore, according to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund there are an average of about 160 law enforcement deaths annually. Is 160 dead police officers a lot? Yes, it is. That's a lot of violence. 160 deaths means that there are approximately 18.2 fatalities per 100,000 hours worked. It indicates that being a law enforcement officer is indeed a dangerous job.

But there are a lot of dangerous jobs. "Police officer" is neither the only one nor the most dangerous. Therefore it makes no sense (here in the reality-based community) that police officers' conduct, when inappropriate, can be justified by the hazards of the job. If a lumberjack or electrician beats the crap out of an unarmed person in the street, does anyone say "Well, they have a very dangerous and stressful job" as an excuse? Well why the hell not? Their jobs are statistically about 500% more dangerous than being a cop.

This isn't really about whether or not police were or were not guilty of using excessive force in any of the recent cases. That's for the courts to decide (*snicker*). The officers involved have already faced discipline – paid administrative leave (the rest of us call that "vacation"). I'm sure the legal system will investigate itself and reassuringly inform us that it found no evidence of wrongdoing. While there's nothing that we can do as individuals to change the attitudes and behavior of people in law enforcement, I think we're all more than capable of contributing to the fight against piss-poor logic and lame excuses.

So Britain's pro-war Labor Party has finally gotten the memo that they need to start covering their asses if they have any hope of future political success. Our anglo cousins are preparing to remove "most" of their 7,000 troop contingent in Iraq (the second-largest force behind our 140,000 troops). Ditto Italy, which currently contributes less than 100.

You forgot Poland! No, we didn't. They're leaving too (900 troops).
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The Coalition of the Willing, minus these three nations, will be the United States followed by, in descending order of troop committment:

– United States (140,000)
– South Korea (2600)
– Australia (1400)
– Netherlands (1200)
– Romania (865)
– Denmark (515)
– El Salvador (380)

Awesome! Need I even point out that the overwhelming majority of these "contingents" are non-combat personnel (engineers, medics, etc)?

So much for "Iraqization" of the ground forces.
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Let the Americanization continue unabated!
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