GIN AND TACOS

Believe it or not, I'm kind of a luddite and I've never bothered to learn many of the intricacies of this blogging thing.

If anyone can help me out in protecting the ginandtacos comments from annoying spam, you will receive a tremendous prize.

So tremendous, in fact, that the true extent of it will only be comprehended centuries hence.

Fox News is prepping a conservative answer to the Daily Show. If it's anywhere near as awesome as the right-wing response to leftist punk and anti-war music then we are in for one hilarious show.

I only hope it somehow incorporates neoconservative stand-up comedian Julia Gorin! She is just so goddamn funny I can barely stand it!

(Author's note: stand-up comedians whose acts are made up almost entirely ( > 75%) of laughing at their own jokes and egging the crowd into applause breaks with phrases like "Am I right, people?" make me want to tunnel to the Earth's core and ignite an explosive powerful enough to turn our planet into soccer ball-sized chunks of uninhabitability.)

I'm sick of talking about politics.

Or reading about it. Or getting angry about it, which is a permanent side-effect of talking or reading about it.

This post is about Dick Clark.

OK, the Ageless One is only tangental to the point, which is that you need to watch this video (also available in much less awful mpeg quality here or here) if you've never seen it before. What is it? Why, it's none other than Public Image, Ltd. – maybe the most underappreciated band of my brief but expanding lifetime – on American Bandstand. In his later years (i.e., right now) Clark called this "surrealist" performance one of his 10 favorite episodes in the show's history.

How did PiL end up on American Bandstand? Apparently the answer is that they never saw American Bandstand and American Bandstand never saw PiL. We can imagine, then, that PiL were none-too-happy when they found out they were expected to lip-synch their "hits" ("Poptones" and "Careering") for a studio audience.
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We can also imagine that Dick Clark was equally unhappy to learn that PiL's music is bizarre, completely atonal, and utterly unlovable.

For those who don't feel like watching this 9 minute clip, the band make absolutely no effort to play along.
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They swap instruments as John Lydon heads straight into the seats, mouths words to the song (sans microphone), and organizes some sort of bizarre game of Red Rover. After a completely surreal "meet the band" interlude where Dick Clark introduces everyone (including a massively stoned Keith Levene) they go into "Careering." By this point Lydon is just standing around chatting with audience members, most of whom are dancing on stage.

I wasn't cognizant of things on TV when this happened, but I am pretty convinced that until Twin Peaks came along this is the most surreal thing that had ever been on network television. Enjoy it. It is not politics.

(PS – While we're at it, can someone please tell me what f'n planet Jah Wobble is from? I can't imagine the amount of drugs one would have to do to come up with those bass lines. But maybe it all came naturally to a man who got booted from the band after he set their drummer on fire. He set the fuckin' drummer on fire. Top that.)

Well, so much for Michael Richards' career. Then again, you probably could have safely said the same thing the minute Seinfeld went off the air.

Enjoy the video! Not even close to Work-Safe!

OK, I give up. Where did you find this fucking idiot, Lexington Herald-Leader?

Post-doctoral fellow at Harvard?

MacArthur Foundation board member? Mensa?

Am I at least getting warm? Don't tell me the answer. I want to keep guessing. This is fun.

I'm pretty convinced that this graph is the funniest thing ever.

Week 2 of the Right-Wing Meltdown is showing no signs of being less entertaining than the first.

The GOP is pretty messed up, right?

Everywhere you look there's corruption, the evil scourge of homosexuality, and a general failure to support the Culture of Life.
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Well it's good to hear that someone is mad as hell and isn't going to take it anymore.
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Ladies and gentlemen, 2008 Republican Presidential hopeful Bob Dornan! Yes, "B-1 Bob"! Bat-shit Bob, more accurately. You might remember him, the red-faced lunatic who serviced the defense industry directly from the Congressional glory hole for almost two decades. You can see some of his greatest hits if you need to refresh your memory.

Thanks Bob. We needed someone to rally the GOP around a good ol' fashioned Adultery and Homosexuality witchhunt. As always, you're the man for that job!

Looks like a little bird inside Fox decided to leak the Wednesday morning-after-election talking points to Huffington Post.

I don't give two flying shits how fascist it sounds – when I'm president we're rounding up everyone involved with that network and putting them through a wood chipper.
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Why? 'Cause fuck'em, that's why.

As a follow-up to this morning's post re: the Frayed Ends of Republican Sanity, send some tea and get-well cards to Hugh Hewitt over at TownHall blog. He's completely gone in the head.

To wit, here's his Wednesday morning-after post. An excerpt:

President Bush will not flag in the pursuit of the war, and Senator Santorum is now available for a seat on the SCOTUS should one become available. GOP senators will have the chance to select leadership equal to the new world of politics which, as the past two years have demonstrated, does not reward timidity.

Boy, sounds like a great thing that the Republicans got hammered, Hugh! You found that silver lining pretty quickly! Let me translate – that Santorum is "now available" means he's fuckin' unemployed.

Was he not "available" before? But really, I'm engaging in a pointless semantic argument here. Not to mention that I'm mocking a man who is clearly mentally ill.
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Who's at the top of the list of qualified and confirmable Supreme Court nominees? Rick Santorum! Rick "I took family pictures with my stillborn baby" Santorum. Rick "Least popular man in my home state" Santorum.

Hugh Hewitt, you've crossed the line from regular Conservative Blogger insane to pickin'-peanuts-out-of-shit insane. And you have pancake man-boobs.

The fragile supporting columns of sanity underneath the conservative blogosphere are crumbling in a hurry.

Exhibit A: Turns out that the guy who sent threatening letters filled with white powder to numerous lefty celebrities (including Keith Olbermann, Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, and Jon Stewart) is….none other than Free Republic's very own Chad Castagana! Have fun in prison, Chad. Watch your cornhole! Here's his Free Republic bio (since removed):

I am a lifelong Conservative Republican .

I have an Associates Degree in the Science of Electronics .

Ann Coulter is a Goddess and I worship Laura Ingraham and Michele Malkin .

English is the langauge of the United States of America- – our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution are written in the langauge that expresses our civilized freedoms .

Spanish is the language of Banana Republics, beyond that it belongs in a European country.

Exhibit B: Remember when Power Line, Michelle Malkin, La Shawn Barber, and dozens of other right-wing bloggers were going apoplectic over the "Terri Schiavo Memo" in which Congressional Republicans discussed how to use the corpse-woman for political gain? It was fake! they said. Democrats wrote it, or the media fabricated it! Oops. Mel Martinez wrote it. Let's do a quick fact-check….of which party is the Senator from Florida currently a member?

(Note on Musical Accompaniment to this Post: As soon as I typed the title of this entry, I was siezed by an uncontrollable need to listen to the Danzig song of the same name. It's been a long time, man, and let me tell you – Chuck Biscuits just fuckin' rescues that early Danzig stuff. It takes a pretty incredible drummer to make me put up with an ass-clown like Glenn, but…..damn.)