The most recent argument for John Kerry's tort reform

The year was 1993. The grunge music was popular, Bill Clinton had recently been elected president, and Richard Linklater had just completed the movie Dazed and Confused. The marijuana and hallucinogenic drug consuming subculture was treated to a film that would, for years to come be viewed by stoned teenagers and college students who would stare vacantly at the screen and giggle uncontrollably for no apparent reason.

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These were good times

This is possibly one of the best crafted high school, cult followed, viewed by stoners movies to ever have been made. Honestly, the basic premise of the movie is that it is the last day of school and the kids are going to go to a party, then they are going to go see Aerosmith… Really, that’s it.

Yet, between the fact that it had every actor that was going to become famous in the next 5 years in it, and that the plot basically made no apologies for the fact that it was just a bunch of people having a good time for an hour and a half, it managed to come off as incredibly refreshing as opposed to moronic.

Now the year is 2004. 11 years after the movie initially was released.
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Three men in Santa Fe, NM are suing claiming their character has been defamed.

I am dazed and confused

That’s right, apparently Wooderson, Andy Slater, and Richard "Pink" Floyd were actual classmates of Richard Linklater. Looking back it all makes perfect sense. These characters were so much of cliches that they had to actually be real people. In other words, a writer clearly would have made more effort if he were not basing it off actual acquaintances of his.

Where does one begin to discuss the absurdity of this lawsuit? Is it at the point where they chose to file it 11 years after the movie was released?

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Or is it when realizing that these three men have never left the town in which they attended high school- thus fulfilling the movie's prophecy.

I think perhaps I will just leave it with this.
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"Pink" Floyd works at a car dealership, Andy Slater does construction and remodeling, and Wooderson has some nondescript job in the "technology sector." One is only left to assume that if a sequel to the movie were to be made, these three men's lives could still be used to inspire the characters based on them.

Whoops.

Reported everywhere, and now reported here.

During the debates I thought that, if true, the following statement was a real blow to Edward's experience issues. Cheney to Edwards:

"Now, in my capacity as vice president, I am the president of Senate, the presiding officer. I'm up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they're in session.
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The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight,"

Whoops. Evidently they've met at least three times.

Last thought: I think the real winner of the debates so far is Jim Lehrer. By far. Gwen Ifill stumbled over questions, had to repeat herself, and let the debate fall behind to the point where half of the time on new questions were spent on old questions.
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Now it just remains to be seen if Lehrer low-key mastery can stand up against the morning-TV scrubbed pleasantries of Charles Gibson.

NO, REALLY: WHOOPS.

The CIA has just announced, as part of its inquiry about pre-war intelligence, that Iraq posessed no WMDs at the time of our invasion and its nuclear program was "deteriorating, not advancing".

Whoops. Guess that makes our President a fucking liar.

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Time to send Uncle Colin back to the U.N. with some better cartoon drawings of mobile biological weapons labs.

Roll Call of Evil

Not to be yet another debate blogger but something John Edwards (who I wished was the Presidential candidate, and also who I wish I could carry children for) said about Cheney's record floored me.

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I mean floored me, and it should floor you too:

The vice president, I‘m surprised to hear him talk about records. When he was one of 435 members of the United States House, he was one of 10 to vote against Head Start, one of four to vote against banning plastic weapons that can pass through metal detectors.

He voted against the Department of Education.

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He voted against funding for Meals on Wheels for seniors. He voted against a holiday for Martin Luther King. He voted against a resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandela in South Africa.
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Seriously. I'll re-write this if it turns out to be incorrect (Cheney did not comment on these comments), but can you think of a better set of policy items people just don't disagree with? This seriously sounds like the political platform of Skeletor than someone who should be a heartbeat away.

Also kudos to Edwards for mentioning Valerie Lake, the poor girl he represented who had 80% of her intenstial tract ripped out of her body by a defective pool drain. This was the case many Republicans have been using for years now to credit Edward's trial lawyer experience to "jacuzzi cases" (if you every wanted to hate on Tucker Carlson read the two part discussion, by better people than us, about him trying to repaint that case as if the girl had split hot coffee on herself).

Better late than never

I hope.

  • Shaun of the Dead review is finally posted. Delayed from last Thursday on my part (sorry!). Rather than fighting over who gets to write it or writing two reviews, Erik and I decided to share it.
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    Slate fans to the bitter end, we just posted the email discussion thread we had on it. Since everyone has thrown in their two cents across the interverse on the movie, Erik and I give a more detailed (read: long) review of it.
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    Enjoy!

    And in case it isn't obvious from the review (where it is quickly mentioned) it opened in Chicago it's first weekend but not in Champaign. Erik and his girlfriend Val got in their car at 9:30pm, drove to Chicagoland where they met me for a 12:20am showing, and then drove back to Champaign at 2:45am. They should make motivational posters about things like that.

  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is out on dvd (actually it was out last week, but it is still out this week as well).
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    If you haven't seen it, get on that already. It also happened to be the first movie reviewed for ginandtacos (f5 your memory here).

  • BITCH, I DISPUTE YOUR METHODOLOGY

    The first public opinion poll specific to a Presidential election took place in 1936.

    FDR ran against a very conservative sacrificial lamb by the name of Alf Landon, who is best remembered for fathering the TV alien of the same name. OK, not really, but the rest of this is true.

    A coalition of east-coast newspapers banded together shortly before the general election and conducted a rudimentary nation-wide poll by telephone.
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    Their results surprised them. FDR, who was thought to be extremely popular, had gotten support from less than 40% of the respondents. Landon, polling near 70%, was predicted to be the winner by the participating newspapers.

    Well, election day rolled around and, wouldn't you know it, FDR steamrolled Landon to the tune of 61% of the popular vote and 98.5% of the electoral vote. "What happened?" the newsmen of the day were heard to exclaim.

    Some genius finally pointed out that, in 1936, telephone service at home was uncommon. It could be said without much exaggeration that anyone who had a phone at home was wealthy, and possibly on the upper ranges of the category as well. So basically the newspapers had inadvertently polled the nation's titans of industry and not much else, discovering in the process that the super-rich favor conservatives. Wow.

    "That's a quaint story, Ed, but surely we've learned from those mistakes" you say. Funny thing about that.

    National polling organizations – Zogby (the best), Roper, Gallup, Reuters – base the polls you see on TV and in the papers on < 1000 respondents. This is almost universally true. Most, in fact, usually have between 600 and 800 respondents. Furthermore, they limit it to a ubiquitous category they like to call "likely voters".

    That just means they only count people who say they're probably going to vote, right? Well, funny thing about that too.

    "Likely voters" are simply the demographic of people who have historically turned out in the highest numbers. The elderly, homeowners, and heads of household between 25 and 50. Basically, they're eliminating young people, poor people, renters (note that those 3 are often comingled), and people in anything other than the traditional 2.
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    5-kids-and-a-spouse relationship.

    Usually, they get away with this just fine because our national turnout is so embarassingly bad that this assumption about who votes is pretty much true – when turnout hovers at 50% that basically means only your middle-class homeowners (usually white) and old people are voting. However, in a highly-charged election that has created so much controversy over the last four years it would be fair to assume that some proportion of people who usually don't vote will turn out.

    Far be it from me to make any assumptions about how this demographic might lean, but suffice it to say that they are totally unaccounted for in the polls that people salivate over around this time of year.

    And so begets the first official ginandtacos.com electoral prediction of 2004: barring any unexpected events (disasters) in the next month, if turnout of the voting age population (which was 54% in 2000 and 49% in 1996) hits 62%, John Kerry will win, and probably do so in an overwhelming manner. When this happens and everyone acts shocked, don't be. When they wonder how they could have been so wrong, you'll know exactly why.

    If turnout remains at its historically pitiful levels, the election will look like the polls – a 50/50 race with the advantage to Bush in electoral votes.

    Bitch, you will vote, and you will bring two additional bitches to the polls.

    ELECTION 2004: THE CAR WRECK YOU CAN'T STOP STARING AT

    As much as my heart of hearts wants to believe that these photos are fake, I know they're as real as Dick Cheney's pacemaker. Years from now, I will be thankful that I saved this montage of the cast of Election 2004 so that I may recall them fondly beside a crackling fireplace as the wind rustles through my Personal Retirement Savings Account.
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    Some of these photos are unintentionally hilarious, and some contain less subtle comedic value. But they share in common the fact that, as Americans, we have no recourse but to laugh at them.
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    Enjoy.


    edwards.bmp
    Edwards proposes we send sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads to Iraq

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    Note: $500 prize to anyone who can explain why the Governator is pointing a weapon at a handicapped person

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    Top Secret: Dick I think Condi likes you. Do you like her back? y/n?

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    "I wonder if he likes me…….."

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    The Governator: "I WILL DESTROY THIS GIRLIE TACO"

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    Bush practices his patented solution to dealing with the suffering of others

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    So it's come to this……

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    "This is how I solve all my problems."

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    Women indeed……..

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    "Holy shit! A colored person!"

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    No administration has ever been so successful at mixing macho military gun-lust with homoeroticism

    This is why we have elections: because we couldn't possibly make these people up. May God have mercy on all of our souls.
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    and father taught us boundaries…

    Have you been looking to donate to moveon.org but, like me, are too apathetic and lazy to donate money without getting anything in return? I came close with the amazing Errol Morris switch ads, but, like most, I just couldn't crack my wallet.

    Well, here is everyone's chance. This week only, Mission of Burma's vocalist/guitarist Roger Miller is selling off a chunk of his private Mission of Burma collection, both records and ephemera, on ebay. All proceeds go to moveon.org. As far as I can find moveon.org, coming out of their virtual yard sale, isn't shooting out an email or promoting this on their webpage, so I'm getting out the word here.

    Because really, if the chance of owning Roger Miller's own acetate copy of "Signals, Calls & Marches" isn't going to get you to crack the piggy bank and donate, then nothing is.

    today's health section(s): playing to your target market.

    I like reading the New York Times online, if only for that magic moment that occurs every so often when you realize that it's core demographic makes over $100,000 a year. Usually that time is reserved for their Travel Magazine section, but today's Health Section gave me a whooper: How Young Is Too Young to Have a Nose Job and Breast Implants?

    I love that parents need to be told the following statement from a doctor: "'Diet and exercise, not liposuction', he said, 'are the proper ways to treat excess weight in children.'" Really?

    The article also highlights which ages are appropriate to begin having certain kinds of surgery done as the body of a teenager is going through puberty and changing all the time.

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    "But they have found that nose growth ends earlier, and now do nose jobs, known as rhinoplasty, on girls at age 13 and boys at 14."

    And if this following statement doesn't upset you it may mean you have no soul: "By the age of 6, kids can participate in the decision to have surgery and understand why it is being done." Quote the Dr. Steven J. Pearlman, a facial plastic surgeon in New York, whose potential financial interest I'm sure in no way conflicts with his medical advice.

    I'd really rather you be a crack mom leaving their child home all day to play with hot pipes than encouraging and paying for your 6 year old to get a quick nip/tuck. I think the crack would be better in the long term for the well-being of your child.

    Keeping with the theme of target demographics, this made me check out the Health Section of south-side favorite The Chicago Sun-Times today as well. Their lead story covers current sports medicine: ACL tears not what they used to be. It's funny, as the level of authority in tone and overall knowledge and presentation of medicine is significantly higher in the Sun Times article.

    I will now give a summary of the following target markets. New York Times: how soon is too soon to give my child plastic surgery? Chicago Sun-Times: can a quarterback recover from a tear to his anterior cruciate ligament?

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    God bless the second city, everyone.
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    MOTOROLA'S MATHEMATICAL MAGICIANS

    What follows, as hard as it may be to believe, is an authentic release of information by Motorola.
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    Irrelevant portions of the release, which is quite long, have been removed:

    Motorola to Cut 1,000 Jobs
    September 28, 2004 12:00:00 PM ET
    By Deborah Cohen

    CHICAGO (Reuters) – Motorola Inc. (MOT), the world's No. 2 maker of cell phones, on Tuesday said it would cut 1,000 jobs in three of its units as it puts its effort behind wireless communications in an increasingly competitive market.

    Motorola said the job cuts, which represent 1 percent of its work force, would not mean that its total work force would be reduced.
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    It said it would take a pre-tax charge of $50 million for severance payments, and a separate charge of $80 million for the early repayment of debt. It will make no cuts in its cell phone business, ranked second behind Finland's Nokia .

    "This doesn't mean our work force number is going to go down," Weyrauch said, adding that the company continues to hire new workers.

    Now, maybe I'm un-American and maybe my colors are running, but the last time I checked, laying off workers sort of implied that the number of people one employs would fall. Unless they're planning on hiring an additional 1,000 people in other areas within the immediate future – and they have indicated no intention to do so – then…well…..um…..the number of employees goes down, right?

    They appear to be acting on the assumption that so long as they will – at some indeterminate point in the future – get back to the number of employees they have now, they are not really laying anyone off.
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    So if a company lays a bunch of people off now, on the basis of the fact that at some point before 2095 they will likely be back to or exceed the current number of employees, they have not really laid anyone off.

    Brilliant!