Two video you need to see immediately

1) A Message From White House West. Everyone may have already seen this, but in case you haven't do yourself the favor. You can right click on the quicktime links to save it to your computer, which is a good idea as you'll end up watching this a hundred times.

I'm trying to find video of Farrell at a recent fundraiser for the Natural Resources Defense Council, where he dressed in the flight suit to do the Bush impression. Look at that picture – is Will Farrell funny at everything? And for the love of god, go see Ron Burgandy again already.

2) The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Trailer. I'm so excited for this movie. The setups, framing and costuming (not to mention facial hair) of Wes Anderson's movies grows continuously bizarre. I remember one of my favorite memories of seeing Bottle Rocket was the yellow jumpsuits and bizarre Texas backgrounds – everything was so stylized yet so natural. You used to be able to order those jumpsuits but they they have since been discontinued.

Each subsequent movie has upped the ante in these areas, and this movie is no different. Watch that trailer again. Notice the Zs in the black sweaters. Notice how the acedemic panel ("revenge.") has a 16th century Italian Master type painting for the background and is set in an opera hall – not exactly what I picture when I think academia. When they have the "Bill Murray" title for the credits look at the background of his office setting – there's a whale turning over! Some people criticized Royal Tenenbaums for being too much an excercise in style, but I say bring it on. The actors are top notch and can definitely fill out the amazing scenery. And the facial hair.

side note: It's co-written with Noah Baumbach, whose Kicking and Screaming is easily my favorite of the mid-90s Miramax-funded "people in their mid 20s saying Very Clever Things while Hanging Out" genre. A friend pointed out that because of the 1995 movie's wonderful "I haven't been-to-Prague been-to-Prague" speech (the first clip under K&S here) everyone who has moved to Prague since then – and I know more than a few – should at least admit that they are being a bit of a cliché. And maybe even apologize.

I knew one guy who was reading "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" before moving over to Prague. The movie called doing that a cliché back then, and this guy was doing it in 2002. I told him that the book was a bad guide as the Soviets were no longer occupying the country. I don't think he got it.

two signs that the world is making more sense

1)

Public Schools Have Higher Test Scores Than Private Schools

For some of you this may be a bombshell, but for all of you who went through the Catholic High School System this should be no surprise: Charter Schools have lower test scores than similar Public Schools. The report was put together by the American Federation of Teachers using the government's own numbers, and is reprinted here. Evidently the government delayed released the charter school's scores until the last possible moment.

Everyone I know who went through a public high school, no matter where they stand on the No Child act or school vouchers, will generally accept the argument that private schools are better than public ones. I went to a (Catholic) private school, and never accepted that for a second. Nevermind the idea that you can mandate religion classes instead of, say, writing or reading classes. Whenever you run something for a profit you are bound to cut corners and get creative in improving your bottom line in ways that do nothing to help with education (was anyone else subject to the daily 30 minutes of commerical watching that was the Channel One experience?).

2)

Governor Blagojevich to Pharmaceutical Industry: Fuck You.

Sometimes I'm damn proud to live in Illinois. Yup, our Governor is starting a (perhaps illegal) program to import drugs from Canada and European countries at a cheaper rate. "The federal government has failed to act," Gov. Blagojevich said in a statement. "So it's time that we do."

Don't even get me started on the nonsense of this debate. I absolutely hate that the Pharmaceutical Industry wraps itself in the Free Market rhetoric while they remain the most protected industry this side of New Deal agriculture. Bush moves to change tariffs a point to help protect U.S. steel and everyone shits themselves. An army of lobbyists push the President to make it illegal to import a product at a cheaper price from a foreign source (imagine him doing that to semiconductors from China!?!?!?!?) and sign a bill that prevents Medicare from negotiating lower drug prices and nobody blinks. Granted, I'm not a big city economist, but the idea that the government should be working very hard to artificially keep prices high seems a bit off.

And don't give me the "they need the money for research" scare tactic either. If anyone produces the cure for cancer or AIDS I'll post a mea culpa immediately. But the extra funds for research line is such a canard. Nevermind that the NIH, through taxpayer dollars, does a significant amount of the research that is then bought out by the industry. Some estimates say that a third of drugs marketed by the major drug companies are now licensed from universities or small biotech companies. What's more important is that so much of the research goes to changing existing drugs just enough to re-patent them. Quote Dr. Sharon Levine, associate executive director of the Kaiser Permanente Medical Group:

If I'm a manufacturer and I can change one molecule and get another twenty years of patent rights, and convince physicians to prescribe and consumers to demand the next form of Prilosec, or weekly Prozac instead of daily Prozac, just as my patent expires, then why would I be spending money on a lot less certain endeavor, which is looking for brand-new drugs?

Which is why millions and millions of dollars is spent R&Ding Clarinex, so that it can get out the same year as Claritin loses it's patent; nevermind that it's virtually the same drug that produces the same effects (the same can be said about Prilosec/Nexium and a million other combos). I'm sure somewhere the AIDS vaccine is in its final test stages.

But perhaps I'm being mean. Years of ripping off Americans with inflated rates for drugs has finally cultimated in one scientific breakthrough: we now have the means to keep Mike Ditka's cock rock hard throughout the night.

And you gotta love that.

You might be a completely worthless idiot if…

We here at the Ginandtacos Corporation try our hardest to take the high road. We pride ourselves with the degree to which our gentlemanly persona is an example for future generations of gin drinkers and taco consumers. However, unfortunately, there comes a time when something so mind bogglingly idiotic occurs that while in a hopelessly confused stupor we must share it and pray that in doing so we will find some catharsis.

On August the 11th some anonymous, and clearly well educated individual commented these honest criticism of the ginandtacos.com Champaign Bar Reviews, specifically referencing our reviews of Kam's and C. O. Daniel's:

It's complete bullshit for you to rate bars that you have either never been to or only visited a few times. You make ridiculous judgments about the "type" of people who frequent certain bars. I, as well as all my friends, went to Kams, CO's and Gully's.
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As far as paying $5 to get in- not if you knew someone…

You bet you can drink "one more than us." That, as well, is probably bullshit. Unless you stand at the bar of CO's and do Jagerbombs all night long, I doubt this is true. Drinking $1.50 pints of High Life for three hours is not the true definition of getting fucked up.
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Coincidentally, the only campus bars that don't make you want to shoot yourself are the ones that make me want to shoot myself.

Possibly the only true thing you have said in your entire posting of useless drivel is that you would get your ass kicked at Kams.

Peace, bitch.

Posted by at August 11, 2004 11:07 AM

Ginandtacos.com would like to present as a counter argument: You sir are a little bitch of epic and historically significant proportions- a bitch on such a level that your friends neighbors and coworkers will be in constant awe of your unadulterated bitchiness.

We would also like to propose that you look something like this:

That being said, you might ask yourself why it is that ginandtacos.com believes you so be so utterly without worth? Let me address this on a point-by-point basis.

  • You seem to feel as though I am not able to make an accurate assessment of Kams of CO Daniels because I don’t frequent these establishments. It does not take a long arduous study to conclude that these bars smell of puke (probably yours) and urine. It does not take going to a bar every night to realize that their floor is so covered in shit that you have to throw out your pants and shoes when you get home. At this point, it does not take great leaps of faith or intense mental fortitude to assume that the regular patron of such an establishment has neither intelligence nor self respect- or really is even aware of the existence of either of these things.

    In case there is any doubt, take a look at these photos courtesy of IlliniParty.com :


    Try and play the fun and exciting how many of these men are of age versus how many of the women game.

  • The only reason I ever mention that I drink more than you…is well… because I can. At this point in my life it is not something that I take great pride in, but well, it is true.
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    The fact that you use as a counter example your seeming epic consumption of Jagerbombs can only serve to confuse the issue. You are no doubt either underage or confused. Jagermeister is not hard liquor. It is about on the level of peach schnapps.
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    If you had paid more attention in your introduction to numeracy class you would be able to figure out that 16 ounces of beer has about twice as much alcohol as a shot of Jager. Of course that never occurred to you did it? No doubt all the Red Bull you consumed had sped up your metabolism to disturbing levels clouding your judgment. I will forgive you this point, as an inexperienced drinker you probably mistook this feeling for drunkenness. However, if you ever get serious, try drinking beer and whiskey; it’s better for you.

As a final note.
1. Knowing someone who can get you into a shitty bar for free is not cool.
2. Neither is implying that you would kick peoples asses because they are different from you.
3. You are a little bitch.

FROM THE ASININE TO THE SIGNIFICANTLY MORE ASININE

(At the risk of getting anyone in trouble, forgive me for being slightly vague here)

A close relative of mine works in a government job in the Orland Park, IL area. For those of you unfamiliar with Chicagoland, Orland Park is a completely typical suburb, the kind in which bad rite-de-passage movies are set. Malls, strip malls, more strip malls, subdivisions, gated subdivisions, and more strip malls.
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The office in which this person works was informed this morning by the FBI that they have information that leads them to believe that "malls and schools" may be targeted by terrorists and that they have "specific information" stating that the Orland Square Mall on LaGrange Road is being targeted for an attack.

I'll let that sink in for a moment.

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Re-read that paragraph until it strikes you as the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard, at which point you may proceed.

OK. Let's start with the "schools and malls are targets" premise. Great. Can I ask what categories of structures aren't on the list of potential targets yet? Ridge and the boys have issued warnings about banks, monuments, financial centers, stadiums, skyscrapers, courthouses, government offices, power plants, factories, train stations, airports, parking garages, tourist facilities, military bases, pup tents, mud huts, Pueblos, unmanned weather stations, geodesic domes, and suspiciously large hats. What purpose could an additional specific warning about schools and malls serve except to rachet up the hysteria a little more?

We get it, dipshits. Everything everywhere is a target 24 hours a day, and only George Bush can protect us.

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We get it. OK.

As for "specific information" concerning the Orland Square Mall. What can I even say except that anyone who is alarmed by this news can take comfort in the tremendous reliability of "specific information" and "sources" over the past 3 years. If the source turned out to be anything more credible than a 12 year old hanging out in Hot Topic, I'd eat my ass.
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This sort of thing is a symptom of the advanced stages of complete hysteria. Anyone in their right mind would step back, take an objective look at this situation, and realize that Al Qaeda is not targeting a nondescript mall in an achingly irconsequential suburb. Logic would dictate that their list of targets is not:

1. World Trade Center
2. Pentagon
3. White House
4. Orland Square Mall
5. Olympics

I can't tell if this speaks to a complete breakdown of the nation's ability to think critically or simply a crass need for irrelevant people with boring lives to feel important enough to be targeted for terrorism. But in either case I can think of little to alleviate my dumbfoundedness at the moment.

Fun Link for a Monday

If you haven't gotten a chance to play OkCupid's Virgin Game follow that link and do so immediately. You no longer need to be a member of the site itself.

OkCupid is a free internet dating/networking site that is actually free, and the guys who created it are pretty entertaining.

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It's worth checking out just to take their personality quiz (you don't need to register to take this one either). I was "The Boy Next Door."

Anyway, when you sign up for the site you specify whether or not you are a virgin. After collecting that data for about 5 months, they unleash this game – randomly drawn sets of two images from their database, one person a virgin the other not one. You have to guess who is which. At the end they give you your score.

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I imagine many people had wished they did a better job reading the "terms and agreements." I couldn't beat 60% on it – tell me if you can.
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The guys who do the page are Harvard math nerds; they have data-mined the hell out of their stuff to statistically find out weird virgin facts which are available as advice on the game: "Of two men the exact same age, the one with more facial hair is more likely to be a virgin." The only real problem is that it doesn't tell you if you were right or wrong for each specific person, they just give you your overall score (I guess the terms and agreements weren't that flexible).

AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE

I think I can let this quote from our functionally illiterate leader speak for itself:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," Bush said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

Later in the same speech, he goes on to claim that we are "spreading peace" throughout the Middle East.

I sort of want to die.

It's weird to think Ditka is the more qualified candidate

Wow. Leave it to the Republicans to keep things interesting in Illinois. Guess what! They have narrowed their choices for their candidate for Senator to two people – both of whom are black! Sorry, but isn't this a little shameless? Since there are no consolation prizes for the 2nd place candidate, why list two people instead of waiting a few more days until you have an actual choice? But anyway, that's not the fun part. The fun part is that likely contender is:


Alan Keyes!

Remember Mr. Keyes during the 2000 primaries? When all the Republicans were trying to be the most compassionate conservatives they could be, Alan Keyes was throwing down bolts of thunder from the top of Mt.

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I'm-Out-Of-My-Religious-Conservative-Fucking-Mind. Here are some quotes from the man, off his own webpage (no spin needed):

On three main areas of national decline

Through the imposition of the income tax, we have surrendered our economic sovereignty…Through the acceptance of a government-controlled school system, we have surrendered our educational sovereignty…
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and through the acceptance of a moral relativism….

On abortion

I think, given what the courts have done, we have to have a human life amendment, yes. [The courts] have violated the very terms of the Constitution itself. They act as if the unborn are not mentioned in the Constitution, and again, they lie.

On separation of church and state

The "separation of church and state" doctrine is a misinterpretation of the Constitution. The First Amendment prohibition of established religion aims at forbidding all government-sponsored coercion of religious conscience. It does not forbid all religious influence upon politics or society.

On the need for moral leadership

America's most pressing problems are rooted in the decline of our moral identity. Crime, rampant illegitimacy, the deteriorating environment in many of our schools, and especially the spectacle of national shame that unfolded in the Clinton White House.

On the Second Amendment

Certainly it is true that the actual defense of our national borders is normally delegated to the professional military. But we must never think that this revocable delegation of responsibility for national defense is a transfer of ultimate responsibility. We, the people, are responsible for the defense of country and liberty, and the Second Amendment is crucial to our performance of that duty.

Take comfort America: If you get mugged remember it is the fault of Bill Clinton and post-structuralist moral relativism (are we really expected to believe that the guy who carjacks you is very well-versed in Foucault and Derrida?). You don't get many people calling the idea of free public education something that is rotten at the core of democracy. And I've heard many arguments for the 2nd amendment – the idea that we may be called upon as citizens to defend our borders does not come up very often.

This will be an interesting election if he is chosen.
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Has the man ever even lived in Illinois? I wonder if he can name 5 Illinois counties off the top of his head.

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The scary part of this all is what it says about the direction of this country. 4 years ago he was an utter joke. He trolled around the debates like a mirror image of Dennis Kucinich – except on the religious nutjob side of the mirror things are a lot scarier. Does our country actually take his point-of-view seriously now?

harold and kumar go to white castle

Big week for movie stuff here. We now have an open letter to Frederick Wiseman, asking the man to cashout already. And, due to popular demand, a review of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.

This is a movie where two men in the early-to-mid 20s get very stoned and try to get White Castle. A lot of humorous things happen on their way that try and stop them, but through determination and luck, they get their wish.

Ok, full disclosure here: I was prepared to enjoy this movie from the first moment I heard this description. This site is, among other things, about the love for the consumption of gin and tacos, and we don't consider them mutually exclusive.
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Many a night of heavy drinking has been complimented with a epic journey to Flash Taco / Underdogs, Prime Time Pizza, or a Polish sausage stand in Maywood with slightly more protective glass than an embassy in sub-Sahara Africa.
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And I don't use the word epic lightly either. People will sing songs and tell tales of these drunken searches for food. There's the time that Ed and I (not drunk) filled a rental car with so many Crave Cases of White Castle sliders on a road trip that the smell left over the next day almost violated the renter's agreement.
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There was also the time that Erik and I (very drunk) quested to a Perkins just outside of UofW; that trip required Erik to match wits with a extremely drunk visiting German professor over Ludwig Wittgenstein while I had to convince a female body-builder and her swarthy immigrant companion with too much chest hair exposed not to leave us for dead in a Madison ghetto.

So this movie was after my heart from the start. I'm very happy, and even more surprised, to say that it didn't disappoint.
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Mind you, this is slacker stoner comedy with it's cultural awareness level turned up to 11. Many people compare it to Super Troopers, which I have not seen; the more obvious reference point is "Dude Where's My Car?"

Unlike DWMC, which thumbed it's nose to the idea of having a coherent series of solvable subplots of character development for the leads, the main characters of this movie are the staple "uptight-repressed guy" and "lazy relaxed genius guy." If you've seen any movie from the past 25 years aimed at 13-21 year old men, then you have an idea of how it will progress.

What makes this movie more entertaining is how likable and strong the leads are. That the half of the jokes that work more than balance out the half of the jokes that fall-flat on their face also helps. There is a cameo by Neil Patrick Harris which makes me laugh just thinking about it. There is a scene involving an insane redneck and his attractive wife which is so dumb that it is only saved by how funny the two main characters play it off (that and a gratuitous boob shot of course). The entire movie is worth watching just to see the two main stoners view a "pot kills" drug ad on TV while high, an ad so dumb it has to be taken from real life.
According to the logical system of Principia Mathematica,
it is an axiomatic truth that the girl on the right must
A: keep on her shirt OR
~A (not A): take off her shirt.
I think Mr. Russell would be happy with the results.

You probably know if you want to see this movie or not. You certainly know whether you don't want to see this movie; you come to the movie with an idea of how much you'll let a boob shot serve as a narrative device. If you are in any way on the fence, trust us and run out and see it immediately.