1 + 1 = ELECTORAL COLLEGE FUN

Here's a little mandatory reading for every resident of the state of Ohio before the next election. No pressure, but……the fate of the country and the free world for the next four years is in your hands.

No pressure. Take your time.

Here is a map representing current exit polling and the 2000 election results combined to yield a very accurate predictor for 2004, provided by the fantastic David Liep at The US Election Atlas. The only deviation from year 2000 results in this model is that New Hampshire goes to Kerry, which is a reasonable guess.
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pred04P.gif

Now, this model gives 264 for John Kerry and 274 for Bush. All is lost, you say. Well, not quite. According to the polling (over 1000 different polls were used for each state), Ohio is a complete toss-up. No one really has any firm idea of which way it will go. The Kerry campaign needs to divert 90% of the resources they have on hand to making sure Kerry wins that state. How important is it?

If Kerry wins Ohio, its 20 electoral votes will mean that of the three states in which his winning margin is smallest in this model (Iowa, Oregon, and New Mexico), he can lose two and still win the election. And Florida will be completely irrelevant. Kerry is currently leading in Oregon (7) and Iowa (7), but even if he were to lose both, a win in Ohio would give him 270 electoral votes to Bush's 268.

So, in summary, if you live in Ohio or know anyone who does, take it upon yourself to beg, cajole, bribe, threaten, and beat them into voting for Kerry.

And just for electoral kicks, the states in which Bush's margin is smallest at the moment are West Virginia (5) and Nevada (5).
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If Bush wins one but loses the other while keeping all other states in this model constant, both candidates will have exactly 269 electoral votes, Congress will vote for Bush, and we will have a fucking national crisis on our hands.

The Electoral College: as fraught with dangers as it is archaic and stupid. I mean FOR CHRIST'S SAKE you'd think someone would have been smart enough to draw it up with an odd numbered total so there couldn't be a tie. The election of the leader of the free world should not be able to end like a soccer game.

I NEVER SAW SO MANY WHITE PEOPLES

AP, CHICAGO – The Chicago White Sox recent acquisition of veteran righty Mike Jackson ensured that the team's 9-man bullpen would have more African-Americans in it (one) than the entire 120,000-strong crowd at Wrigley Field for the Cubs-Sox series over the 4th of July weekend. Saturday's game was briefly delayed in the 7th inning when Jackson entered the game in relief but was detained by security and questioned as to how he managed to get north of Belmont.


Mike Jackson, the first black man to enter Wrigley Field without holding a rake in nearly a decade

So I'm often accused, and rightly so, of condemning things without personally experiencing them. But being a subscriber to the school of thought that one needn't jam a knife in one's abdomen to deduce that it would hurt, I'm pretty comfortable with it.
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Being raised in fine south side tradition, I spent the first 25 years of my life in Chicago without ever having set foot in Wrigley Field. But when my dad managed to score tickets for the more-than-sold-out Cubs-Sox city series this weekend, that changed for both of us.

It was, in short, everything I assumed it was except slightly worse. We entertained ourselves during the rain delays by trying to find an ethnic minority who was not serving food or holding a bat. The people next to us were "low carbing" so they ate their hot dogs without a bun. Everyone was on a cell phone. Backwards baseball caps abounded.
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It was, in essence, a giant open-air frat party full of the 32 year-old versions of the 24 year-old people you hate now. After several hours there I felt an overpowering urge to join the Nation of Islam.
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Unless you're a big fan of hanging out at the Alumni Club or the Barleycorn, I'd recommend against the experience.
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Personally I don't think I'd return if I was dying of cancer and the cure flowed from one of Wrigley's water fountains.

a plea to Frederick Wiseman, asking him to cashout

After reading an excellent review of the history of the documentary, I decided to buckle down and figure out what is going on with the utter lack of Frederick Wiseman dvds. For those of you who don't know, Wiseman is of the most important figures in American film culture, a man who single-handedly redefined what we have come to consider a documentary to be, and none of his movies are available on dvd.
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He is the master of the cinéma vérité style, bringing the style so strongly to documentaries that documentaries that are not in a vérité style seem somehow inauthentic – hence all the ruckus over the "objectivity" of Michael Moore's new movie. One only has to see about 10 minutes of Wiseman's early films to realize how bogus the "vérité form = objective" argument is – nobody is objective with editing a film. Wiseman, who deals with no narration, only natural sound and long takes of people interacting with their surroundings, considers his films to be "reality fictions" – which is accurate as he can take these natural settings and make the most persuasive arguments out of them.

For instance, his documentary "High School" (1968) contains nothing but long, uninterrupted shots of people interacting in a high school. The final products leads you to believe that education functions only to push kids through a meat grinder to make them compatible with America's Cold War empire. At one point the principal reads a letter to the student body from an alumni fighting in Vietnam (off-quoted from memory here): "Without all the guidance and preparation [my high school] gave me, I don't know how I would have ever been able to serve the military in Vietnam." The pride on the principal's face makes us wonder if this is what education was all about in the first place.

The man is still at the top of his game. In fact, two of the best movies he has done have come out in the recent past: "Public Housing" (1997) and "Domestic Abuse" (2001), like all his movies, show people trying to survive within the complex mechanisms of organized beuracracies (chicago's public housing community and abuse shelters in florida in these cases). So where are his dvds?

As a self-proclaimed movie geek, I love that almost everything is available on dvd these days. With a region-free player, a shipping address and the internet, anybody anywhere can have access to some of the best cinema once reserved for film libraries in New York and Paris. It's possible to think of movies being in the hands of the people everywhere, instead of cloistered film circles in isolated locations.

They are also changing the way film is being approached by an audience. Nobody I know has mentioned "The Day After Tomorrow" or "The Steppord Wives" – films with advertising budgets in the multi-million dollar range, but everyone I know is discussing, or trying to discuss, Outfoxed, a movie whose advertising budget consists of a series of emails and that is being mailed out on dvd.

So it pains me to learn that the (a) there are no Wiseman dvds available and (b) it is entirely his own choice. It's not being held up in litigation, no giant company is sitting on the right, or anything else that falls in the shady realm. Wiseman, having paid for the production of the movies, retains full rights to them.
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He sells them on VHS or 16mm reels (no dvd) for $400 a pop, mostly to universities or libraries (a price I imagine absurd even for a library).

I'm drawing a line in the sand. It's weird to say this, but for christsakes, Mr. Wiseman take the money and run! Sell off the rights for Titicut Follies to Criterion, who would pick it up in a heartbeat, and let cheap dvds of your other great classic films flow free. I could not get a hold of Wiseman himself for an opinion, but Zipporah Films, the company he uses made it sound like the lack of mass availability was entirely his own choice ("this is how Mr. Wiseman has chosen to make his films available…there are no other factors outside of Mr. Wiseman compelling him in this direction").

Mr. Wiseman, your films should be standard issue for all people who want to find the best that American Cinema has to offer; even 35 years later they still evoke a very powerful statement of people trying to survive within America. They are mature works, demanding of an audience, and often produce profund emotional reactions in those who view them.
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So help out the American audience, who access to independent movie vendors who would show your films in increasingly limited, in finding your message.

If not, please consider leaving your estate to ginandtacos.com. We'll see that when the time comes, your film legacy will be carried out properly (ie used in gatorade and sedan commericals).

Not Funnies

New York Times Magazine: Not Funnies. Last weekend the New York Times magazine ran a cover story surveying the current state of comics.
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They mostly stuck to top-tier (Fantagraphics, Drawn/Quarterly) North American comics (with a brief stop to drop by Gaiman and Alan Moore).

The article is amazing. Whoever wrote it really did their research. I highly recommend it to both fans and to people who are looking to pick up something new. It also hammers out two very important points, which I'd like to comment on:

1) The Decline of Robert Crumb – For most of the 90s, you couldn't discuss comic books without trying to make them all seem like descendents of Robert Crumb, the misogynistic, disturbed 60s comic book artist portrayed in the excellent Terry Zwigoff movie. Everything followed from him; Clowes and Ware and everyone else couldn't talk about what they were doing without bringing him up.

The problem was that it didn't fit. If you actually read the output of Crumb it's very limited and not all together great. I'm going to break with a lot of people in that I consider it mostly crap. Sure it's misogynistic and self-loathing (and something the movie only hints at, but unbearably racist); what's worse is how repetitive it is. Once you've gotten though about 10 comics of his you know what you are in store for. So why are people like Clowes, who has had one of the most expansive careers in comics, with every project varied and rich, going to bat for this guy?

The magazine points out that all these people, even Sacco, go through an intense self-loathing period in their comic art.
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Their comics reflect their otherness, their sexual misadventures, and their problems with other people. Crumb gives them the ability to say "this is ok.
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Keep doing this." And these comic artists keep working at it and don't give up; they eventually get the rawer edges of it out of their system, and can go off in exciting new directions. It's a shame Crumb never was able.

2) The Rise of Art Spiegelman The real focus point for looking at these new artists is art Spiegelman. Like a lot of indie musicians of the time period, comic book artists aren't just comic book artists. They are salesmen, producers, advertisers, promoters and a hundred other things. As late as 6 years ago, there wasn't a real industry to nurture your talent – so you had to create one yourself. And nobody has done this quite like Spiegelman. "He's as important as he thinks he is" is an excellent quote, because it's true on both accounds.

3) Diversity in Comics I was a little worried when I first saw that picture. Sure they are some of my favorite comic book creators, but at the end of the day they are guys with poor eyesight complaining about how awkward they are. Then I noticed Joe Sacco was in it. Sacco has been doing amazing work with journalistic comics – it really blows away anything like it. And the writeup they do of him is the best I've seen.

They have so many comics covered than just the normal run-of-the-mill Crumb descendents – "Persepolis" and "Blankets" are by far the two best comics of the past year, and they both get writeups. People should be throwing copies of "Persepolis" from the rooftops; the memoir of an Iranian girl growing up during the revolution is about as far from a 'typical' comic book as you can get.

So read the article. And then read some comics. And then let's discuss.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy

I think it's official – Will Ferrell is here to stay. And against such odds. I never liked Saturday Night Live after the cast I grew up with (Carvey, Myers, Rock) took off to try their hand at movies. With some exceptions, notably the adorable Tina Fey during weekend updates, I find the show tired. Moreso than ever, the cast seems like they are just sitting out their time until they are semi-popular enough to try their hand at crappy mediocre movie stardom.
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And how mediocre is it? Take a look at some of the movies that Lorne Michaels has produced over the years. Even though "A Night at the Roxbury", "Superstar", "The Ladies Man" and "Coneheads" would be an oeuvre capable of getting you beheaded in most Middle-Eastern countries, the success of "Wayne's World" and "Blues Brothers" keeps these people pumping at the same ol' dry well.

One movie you won't see Michaels' name attached to is Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy. In fact, there isn't that rank smell of second rate Saturday Night Live actors hanging in the background. No evil-villian-Chris-Kattan, no pizza-delievering-Rob-Schneiders. Ferrell surrounds himself with the best. The Daily Show's Steve Carell plays a mentally challenged weatherman who made the audience I was with burst into laughter just by standing there.
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Paul Rudd is impressive as well, giving a little bit of acting to the group.
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The director, Adam McKay, was a founding member of The Upright Citizen's Brigade, and the humor has that same trajectory of "if it's not working, up the bizarre level." There are so many twists to the humor – a joke that is suddenly taken in the completely opposite direction for no other reason than to see if it works.

And man does it work. There's no point in talking too much about this movie: the joy is how completely immediate Ferrell can present his humor.
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It's overwhelming physical – his mere presence and the way he walks and talks conveys this man who is completely unaware of how much of a idiot jackass he is. But since he personifies everything that was throw away in our mass culture around 1977, we can laugh with him and not at all feel uncomfortable. I think Ferrell has a long career ahead of himself, playing that jackass who you should want to kick in the head but instead you end up giving him a giant hug. Keep it up.

RACISM IS IMAGINARY, LIKE UNICORNS AND ESKIMOS

Feeling a little too upbeat about the human condition?

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Then swing on by Ferris State University's Jim Crow Museum of Racist Memorabilia, curated by Dr. David Pilgrim.

Take a browse around the collection of online images and artifacts and remember that America is not a racist place, because most of these images are part of ancient history. Such as the 1960s.

The fantastic journey of political hatred

The joke has been made in pretty much every permutation possible. A month ago I heard that John Kerry's polling numbers go down every time he is in the spot light and up everytime Bush is doing…
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well… anything. This situation has gotten pathetic to the point where, I am sure that if I didn't live here, I would have to point my finger and laugh at all Americans. Can someone please tell me what the hell it is about our political system that attracts some of the largest fucking losers this country has to offer? When did it get to the point where our system of government was really just a big joke?

I mean honestly people… how can we sit here and listen to politicians discuss gay marriage and the like and honestly be swayed by the arguements. Do we really believe that whether or not someone served in the National Guard or drove a boat around during the Vietnam war is vital to how well they can lead? How long are we as a country going to sit around on our fat pork rind consuming asses and listen to talking heads debate pandering non-issues?

Well, the truth is in the numbers.
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John Kerry is losing the battle of who do we want to be president least. Is it really possible that we will elect a president this way?
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Yes, its true Mr. Kerry. We don't like you.

Looking at the history of New York Times/CBS polling numbers we see a very intrigueing trend. John Kerry is leading Bush by one point (he is behind by one if Nader is considered).

This is not really the interesting part.
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Within the following questions they ask the respondents to comment on how sure they are of their choice. There is a column indicating that you have made up your mind because you dislike the other canidates. Eleven percent of those voting for Bush are doing so because they hate Kerry. However, and dear lord I wish I were making this up, 37% of people saying they are voting democrat are doing so for no other reason than the fact that they think Bush is a fucking idiot of epic proportions*.

Read the poll for yourself if you don't beleive me. All the jokes are actually true. If we elect Kerry in November we are not electing him, we are just not voting for the other guy.

Yeah, so anyway…. Who wants to move to France with me? Honestly, at least they revel in how fucked up their political system is.

*not actual question phrasing

WE'RE ALL SUBMISSIVES IN THE CULTURAL SCAT PORN.

Browsing the DVD selection at my local bookstore, I was overcome by the powerful feeling that I was one of those bottom-rung porn actresses who can't get decent roles and therefore must appear in movies in which hirsute men shit on them.

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Having already released every conceivable old movie and television franchise of any interest whatsoever, the major studios have shifted into Emergency Product Release mode.

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In a secret chamber deep within Cheyenne Mountain, the heads of the seven major studios assemble, turn a key, and hit a button called "NETWORK TELEVISION DETRIUS", flooding the market with DVD releases that you wouldn't watch on a bet.

Then they chuckle heartily and shout, in the words of Ol' Dirty Bastard, "America, you've been shitted on."

Look at the old TV shows that are now being released in full series collections on DVD. I understand classic hit shows (M*A*S*H, Cheers, Dallas), foreign shows, or shows with huge cult followings (Star Trek, Twin Peaks, etc)…….but Son of the Beach? Punky Brewster? I mean who in the name of god is seriously going to sit down and watch a dozen episodes of Punky Brewster? First of all, it didn't even seem like a good show when we were kids, and I can't imagine it aged well. Secondly, Soleil Moon Frye would probably come to your house and give you a handjob for the $29.99 the DVDs cost, provided that her methadone clinic gives her a big enough supply to make the trip.

The recent releases range from the sad (The Best of Primetime Glick) to the anachronistic (All in the Family) to the socially backward (Good Times) to the unfathomably inconsequential (Just Shoot Me).

If you're reading this and thinking "Ed, I like some of those shows", I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you're a fucking retard. The good news is that you'll die soon, since retards usually don't last to 30.

Nothing is quite so sad about the state of American society as our propensity to not simply take in horrible entertainment but to wait ten years and claim that it has suddenly become high-quality art. Television shows, which are the quickest-reacting form of entertainment media with respect to fads and social mores, almost by definition look more dated and depressing as you move farther away from them.
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If this still doesn't seem like a bad idea to you yet, just wait 15 years, pop in the Friends DVDs, and see how good they look.