I feel it is fair to share with our readers the email which I sent to "Jeff Gannon" and "Talon News" (two entities which must forever hereinafter be written only in quotes to denote the dubious nature of even the most basic circumstances of their existence):
Your complete lack of journalistic credentials or ability to use the english language often left me wondering how you secured a job working the White House. I guess that getting paid to metaphorically suck Bush's cock wasn't much of a departure from your previous line of work, was it?
You may be a fake reporter from a fake news agency, but the important thing is that you were (wait…ARE) an authentic hooker. No one can take that experience away from you. Don't let the liberal media tell you that experience wasn't valid. Every Motel 6 you met your clients at, every hairy 50 year-old cornhole you "attacked" with your "8 inch weapon", every morning you woke up leaking unidentifiable fluids like a showerhead……that was all real, "Jeff." Own it.
Good luck auctioning your dick to the highest bidder for a living. Maybe when your butthole is all stretched out and no one will pay for your services anymore, you can go back to reporting. There are tons of opportunities in Hollywood for someone with your "skills".
In closing, fuck you.