A CONGRESSIONAL FIRST

Posted in Rants on September 30th, 2006 by Ed

Extreme right-wing positions on "social issues" are directly correlated to the number of skeletons a public figure has in his or her proverbial closet. Don't argue with it – it's science. So this surprises no one. And the story is such an obvious, easy punching bag that it would be fruitless to make fun of it here.

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Foley reminds his constituents to SEND N00DZ KTHX. PWNED!

What is noteworthy, however, is the way the internet has forever changed the art of cruising for boy ass. The fact that this incident took place via email and chat rooms hits pretty close to home for members of my generation. People who spend a lot of time online and/or become part of a particular internet "community" are all well aware of the omnipresence of thoroughly creepy males who are probably a lot older than their profiles indicate. That said male turns out to be a Republican congressman – well, that's the kind of shit you just can't make up. Comedy gold, that's what it is.

ON AGING

Posted in Rants on September 29th, 2006 by Ed

One day you're young and you think yourself relatively cool. Then suddenly you're 27 and BitTorrenting episodes of Frontline. When the fuck did this happen?

On a slightly less geriatric note, the new Giddy Motors is about 1000x better than I expected. And I already expected it to rock my ass so hard that I'd walk funny for a week. It's not out in the US until October, but go crazy Soulseeking it anyway.

SPEAK UP, BOBBY!

Posted in Rants on September 27th, 2006 by Ed

I've been meaning to post this for a while, so forgive me if it strikes you as slightly old news. By now I assume you've seen the Bob Dylan iPod commercial. For those fortunate enough to have missed it, empty the contents of your stomach now:

When I first beheld this monstrosity, I'm not ashamed to say that my first thought was "I'm glad Bill Hicks is not alive to see this." I'd have to imagine that this (combined with his boy Keith Richards' participation in the massive cash grab that is the last 20 years of Rolling Stones history) would disillusion him so deeply that he'd give up on comedy, wander off into the desert, and never be seen again. True, he's already never to be seen again, but at least he died without this kick in the nutsack.

To Mr. Dylan, speak up. I can't hear you with satan's cock in your mouth. I mean, what's the matter, you don't have enough money? You need to rock out for Apple? "Hey everyone, I'm noted countercultural icon/profiteer Bob Dylan. It turns out that 'Maggie's Farm' is really about buying $300 piece-of-shit fashion accessories with non-replaceable batteries that die in about a year. Rock on, and don't trust the man!"

And remember kids, nothing says "rebel" quite like paying for mp3s on iTunes.com!

Oh, and need I even ask what the fuck is up with the "song" he's singing here? It's almost as bad as his acting. Don't spend all of Apple's money in one place, dickhead. Looks like you need to start putting aside some money for a casket.

PRETEND IT MATTERS

Posted in Rants on September 25th, 2006 by Ed

In most states the deadline to register to vote is approximately 1 month prior to a given election. That gives you something like 5-7 days to sneak in for the 2006 Election taking place on November 7.

GoVote.org offers simple print-and-mail forms pre-addressed to the relevant voter registration officials based on your address. I know the process of registering and voting is more costly than it should be in this country, but this website comes pretty close to taking those costs down to zero.

Remember, if you have moved since the last election – even within the same town or state – you need to re-register at your new address or you will not be allowed to vote.

BREAK OUT THE DEPENDS

Posted in Rants on September 19th, 2006 by Ed

If you want to rekindle the feeling that you're living in some sort of surreal Calvinist redefinition of the American experiment in democracy, read this.

I haven't read it in about a year, and I just ran through it again in advance of assigning it to my students on Wednesday – although by asking them to read something that contradicts their worldview, I am placing myself (as the article explains) in the "reality-based" community.

I'm OK with that.

Re-reading this piece has been interesting from two perspectives. First, a lot of the predictions about the Second Term (note: the article was published just days before the 2004 election) have been stunningly accurate. Second, it has strengthened and validated my prevailing "no, really, kill them all before the damage becomes irreversible" thesis.

POPE VS. SPACE POPE

Posted in Rants on September 18th, 2006 by Ed

Discuss.

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It might seem like a slam dunk in favor of the Ratzi Man, but keep one thing in mind: one of these two people started a war against Islam using poorly-researched, historically-inaccurate quotes in the middle of a diatribe of questionable value. The other one hasn't.

I think someone from the church will have to sit down and explain to him "Look, we picked your octogenarian ass as a placeholder and palate-cleanser. You are the sorbet of popes. Stop talking."

HIGH-PROFILE HYPERBOLE

Posted in Rants on September 12th, 2006 by Ed

Did anyone else note the number of times the President stated that the war in Iraq is "a struggle for civilization itself" or "a fight for our very way of life?" If that's the case, shouldn't we have a few more troops over there? I mean, if we were really fighting for the existence of our "civilization" as Americans you'd think we'd be throwing a little more into it. You know, more than 125,000 troops. And maybe asking the public to make a few sacrifices here and there.

Nice try, though. Perhaps he meant "a struggle for control of Congress itself."

FIVE YEARS

Posted in Rants on September 11th, 2006 by Ed

Do you feel safer now than you did five years ago?

Is America's position in the world stronger or weaker today than it was five years ago?

Have terrorists been strengthened or weakened in the last five years?

Is the country a better place than it was five years ago?

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

Posted in Rants on September 8th, 2006 by Ed

Courtesy of CuteOverload

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SAFE SEX PRACTICES

Posted in Rants on September 6th, 2006 by Ed

Sex education and public awareness programs about AIDS must be working – these Wisconsin teens remembered to practice safe sex.

OK, seriously, you have to wonder what the condoms were for. I mean, we can sort of guess why a condom would be beneficial in that situation, but I want to know why these people thought they were a good idea. Because I'm fairly certain that my logic is quite different than the average necrophiliac. The only thing that could really make this story any more amusing is a quote about how they wanted condoms so they wouldn't catch vampire AIDS or something.