MORBID CURIOSITY

I have a particularly strong and morbid sense of curiosity, and I also have the unfortunate habit of thinking "What would I do in that situation?" as a standard reaction to observing things. This occasionally creeps people out, as normal people apparently don't read a book about the Oklahoma City bombing and think aloud "What would I have done if I was Timothy McVeigh?" It doesn't mean "I would like to be in that situation" but most people hear it that way. Oh well.

So I'm not going to lie, Dead Man Eating (also in blog form) is sort of my new favorite thing. It's an oddly obsessive compendium of the last meals of condemned prisoners. I often wonder which path I'd choose in that situation. On the one hand, I could attempt to enjoy one last sumptuous, earthly delight on the state's tab. On the other hand, I could have 30 White Castles and 2 gallons of scalding black coffee. Let's just say that would provide a big parting "fuck you" to the correctional system. I'd have people quitting their jobs over me.

Since Texas executes about 20 people for every one person executed elsewhere, I find that their Dept. of Corrections website is a virtual Wikipedia of creepy execution-related crap. If you go here you can read the last words of each prisoner, although the grand prize in that category (and here's where I bring the entry full-circle) goes to Thomas Grasso of Oklahoma. His last words were "I asked for Spaghetti-O's. I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this."

This is the kind of stuff that entertains me when I can't leave the house for a week. Hopefully next week I will get back to posting as usual.

Be Sociable, Share!

10 Responses to “MORBID CURIOSITY”

  1. Samantha Says:

    My friend Julia is such a…deliberate person that she's even planned her death row meal already. You know, just in case. For years and years that meal was her mother's turkey and dressing, until a recent trip to Orange Beach, AL where we met a man named Ringo. He's a bald, heavily tatooed, broken-nosed, ex-bus driver for a big hair band who now works as a chef at a local restaurant and drinks Jeigermeister from a Solo cup all day long. She swears his crabcakes have bumped her mother's turkey right the hell off that number one spot.

    So, what would your last meal be, Ed?

  2. Bill Says:

    Does anyone else find it really strange that the State of Texas keeps the last remarks of those it executes and then posts them on the web??

    I am the only one who thinks it is a bit twisted to keep these things on the internets for posterity?

    I really don't think this is what Al Gore had in mind when he created the internets…

  3. Matthew Says:

    I can think of no better time to ask for panda steak grilled over moon rocks than a last meal. Maybe I'll add some bald eagle egg omelettes.

    Now that's a last meal!

  4. Nick Says:

    My favorites thus far are a toss up between "… where's my stunt double when you need one?" and "Profanity directed toward staff."

  5. J. Dryden Says:

    I find it sick and shocking that the Feds will only pony up $20 for your last meal. TWENTY BUCKS?! Dude, you're going to *kill* me, and you've already spent, like, millions on trials and appeals! Throw me a couple of c-notes'-worth of chow before you use me to 'send a message' to others! Where's the ACLU when you really need them? If PETA can pester Timothy McVeigh to request a meat-free last meal (which is my favorite piece of morbidity from the page–hats off to PETA for making themselves look even more clueless than normal, no mean feat!), I think that the ACLU can sue for my right to order the Dover Sole with hollandaise from my favorite London eatery (which, yes, would be my choice), cost be damned.

  6. Ed Says:

    The cash limits are pretty ridiculous, but if I'm not mistaken the families can pay for more elaborate meals. Seeing as how a lot of these guys are dirt poor that may not matter, but then again a lot of the dirt poor ones only seem to want KFC and Ding-Dongs anyway.

  7. Katie Paulson Says:

    you sick fuck.

  8. Ray Paulson Says:

    Hey Ed, how come you haven't left the house for a week? What are you, under house arrest? You're well on your way to a last meal already…

    panda steaks! lol…

  9. Rick Says:

    $20 limit, eh? I'd get around that by ordering a Chinese buffet. Ha ha, joke's on the state.

  10. Ed Says:

    You know, I feel like this website has really "made it" now that I have microcephalic trolls leaving comments.

    *sniff*

    It's touching.