NPF: THIS COULD ONLY END WELL

I have the opportunity to interview at Regent University. If that name is not ringing a bell, go ahead and click the link. Yeah.

Part of me wants nothing to do with these retards, and the rest of me thinks I need to do this – wearing a wire or hidden camera, of course. I could ask fun questions like "Will your employment benefits cover my life partner?" and let them know that converting to Sunni Islam has really improved my ability to connect with students. All I need is a way to work dinosaurs into the conversation. Frankly I don't see what could go wrong.

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9 Responses to “NPF: THIS COULD ONLY END WELL”

  1. Nick Says:

    That…that would be amazing. I vote for a recording device and a hilarious interview.

  2. Batocchio Says:

    I say treat as absurdist improv comedy, but don't let them in on it. ;-)

    Really, don't you think it'd be harder but more fun to see how many crazy things you can get them to agree with ya on?

  3. Amelia Says:

    Aaaand… how, exactly, did you get this special opportunity? I hope it didn't involve an application packet.

  4. JDryden Says:

    Oh, you must, you must. It will be hard to keep a straight face, I'm sure, but the anecdotal treasures you'll bring back will make it well worth the effort. Though there's always the horrible possibility that everyone there will turn out to be really nice and well-spoken and non-uber-horrific. Which would suck, perversely enough.

  5. Chris Says:

    If you aren't serious about getting the job, then you have to fuck with them and record it! Other funny things you should do include:

    1. Go into the interview with t-shirt with an upside down cross on it or Osama Bin Laden on it.
    2. Pretend to be as flamboyantly gay as humanly possible
    2a. Shake hands with your interviewer and squish a ketchup packet inside the handshake and tell him you have AIDS.
    3. Use the Lord's name in vain as many times as possible
    4. Ask if the university will cover a sex change operation

  6. Kulkuri Says:

    Ask them if getting a law degree there would guarantee you a job in the Justice Dept. Or what other government jobs do they have a fast track on??

  7. Nan Says:

    "at" or "with"? Is this going to be an on-campus experience or a sitting down with a recruiter at a conference?

    Life being as absurd as it is, it's possible that if you're incredibly obnoxious and offensive during the interview they'll assume you're some genious hotshot scholar that they absolutely have to have on their faculty just to prove to the world they're not the asshats everyone thinks they are.

  8. pmayo Says:

    Tell them you're trying to become Pat Robertson's World Leader Hitman.

  9. Nate Says:

    Ed, this golden opportunity will not occur again. Go to that interview and be as obnoxious as possible… also wear a bug. Record that shit. Also, see if you can do anything on their dime.. free lunch, hotel stay whatever. :)