NPF: FREE AT LAST

Are you sick of going into restaurants and seeing "No Praying!" signs everywhere? Do you feel unsafe at the local Olive Garden because your waitress is unarmed? Have you ever looked at a Hooters and thought, "That's just not tacky enough"? If so, your prayers have been answered. Grab all of your firearms and take a trip to Rifle, Colorado to enjoy a meal at Shooters Grill, where brandishing firearms and praying in public (which I think Jesus was against, but what did he know) are both encouraged.

This Hooters/James Dobson Fever Dream hybrid reflects its owner's love of the Bible and Constitution, so unlike other restaurants all over the United States you won't be stopped from praying before you eat by Union Thugs or Liberal Academics or Activist Judges or whatever. The Yelp reviews are a hoot, too. Apparently the salt & pepper shakers are shotgun shells (photo evidence helpfully provided), the whole restaurant grinds to a record-scratch halt if a non-white person enters the premises, and the food looks and sounds about as appetizing as a redneck middle school cafeteria.

A priority stop on any gastro-tour of America, to be sure.

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22 Responses to “NPF: FREE AT LAST”

  1. c u n d gulag Says:

    These Christian gun-loons won't be happy until Gerber's baby food has a prayer on every label, and a coupon for future shooting lessons for the little tyke!

  2. John Danley Says:

    The Gun Residue Bacon Burger is divine. Intercessory prayer reduces the likelihood of cardiac arrhythmia and the Heinz 57 comes in .50 caliber squeeze bottles.

  3. Khaled Says:

    LOLOLOLOL the Yelp ad on the page was for Target.
    LOLOLOLOL

  4. Nick G. Says:

    "The waitstaff at Shooters Grille is mostly female, all of whom are packing concealed weapons in leg holsters."

    Either Mr. Abrams didn't bother to look at the photos, or he has no idea what "concealed" means.

    "We live in a very small town and we take care of our own crime problems."

    Read: "I once shot a coyote that gave me a dirty look."

    Nice non-sequitur Sandy Hook reference.

    The paranoid notion that praying isn't allowed elsewhere is fucking hilarious, as is the straight-from-the-50s reaction to Polynesians. But it's Colorado. Not really that surprising.

  5. Turkle Says:

    It's only a matter of time before that wretched slob Guy Fieri shows up there.

  6. Csicopper Says:

    Hopefully those giving bad reviews will hang back a fur piece before reloading at Shooters.

  7. democommie Says:

    Ed:

    While I appreciate a joke as much as the next guy, I think you're just being silly saying:

    "and the food looks and sounds about as appetizing as a redneck middle school cafeteria."

    rednecks don't do middle school.

  8. Middle Seaman Says:

    My friends at Hamas ask whether they can bring a rocket and the food is Halal?

  9. Chicagojon Says:

    Best review is "the food was outstanding, it ccameout fast and was hot". They really set the bar high out there. Sounds likesomething a pet owner would tell their vet.

  10. moderateindy Says:

    I swear Colorado is the wierdest fracking state in the union. It seems like it's half super crunchy pot smoking DFH's, and half Hyper religous right wing freaks.

    I have no doubt that this moronic concept this restaurant came up with will succeed. The scariest thing about today's right wing is that they truly believe ideas that are demonstrably absurd. They really think that Xtians are being oppressed, and the government is actively trying to take their guns.
    Even crazier is the idea that they could do anything to seriously prevent the government from taking their guns away, if that was the gov'ts actual intention.

  11. Sarah Says:

    Meanwhile there are active KKK members in Florida police departments, not that this should surprise anyone.

  12. DaveKan Says:

    When you venture out to the rural areas of Colorado away from Denver things get progressively weirder.

  13. Skipper Says:

    "No one ever lost money underestimating the intelligence of the American public."

  14. Eric the infrequent Says:

    Moderateindy hits the nail on the head. This state has a massive bipolar problem. Denver, Boulder, Fort Collins, sane urban types. Colorado Springs, bugnuts crazy. The rest of it is largely rural with a mix of hippies and crusty rednecks, slight edge to the rednecks. Rifle? The only thing keeping it from beinga ghost town is the oil and gas industry. Do the math.

  15. Major Kong Says:

    "We live in a very small town and we take care of our own crime problems."

    I wonder how many meth labs there are in that town.

  16. democommie Says:

    One of my brothers lives in Longmont. He has always been a relatively conservative guy. The last two election cycles have been hard for him because he's conservative, but he's honest and he knows that the candidates his party is fielding in CO and nationally are mostly batshitKKKrazzeepantsmofo's.

    Weld County, where he lives, is one of the counties that wanted to secede from CO and become an independent state.

  17. Graham Says:

    I would like to see Mork walk into that restaurant.

  18. Sifu Snafu Says:

    It's only a matter of time before that wretched slob Guy Fieri shows up there.

    C'mon Turkle, Guy Fieri is a national treasure. He's America's Douchebag.

  19. Samp Says:

    Are there any other blogs similar to G&T? Been reading this for over a year, but haven't really found any others I liked.

  20. Khaled Says:

    @democommie-
    Having lived in both Nebraska and Colorado, I think that Western NE and Eastern CO have more in common with each other than the other parts of their states. How about this- Wyoming can trade Laramie and Cheyenne for the Panhandle of NE and NE Colorado. Take Yellowstone out of Wyoming and call it "no mans land" because that's exactly what it'd be. Think about it- 500k people live in Wyoming- less than live in the county I live in, and most likely less than whatever county most regular readers of G&T live in. Wyoming gets 2 senators- two!- the same as every other state.
    Even though the US Senate currently leans the way I want it to, and thanks to people not giving a flying shit during the 2010 midterms, the House leans Republican, I still stand by the idea that the Senate should be abolished. It's absolute crap that Wyoming, Nebraska, the Dakotas, etc, get the same amount of political representation as California, New York and Texas.

  21. Mothra Says:

    Khalid, you REALLY want Texas to have more senators? Or FL? That knife cuts both ways. I really don't care what some restaurateur in some stupid small town in CO does. I'll never spend money there, but if ever do make it to Rifle, at least I know all the gun nuts have self-segregated and I can likely enjoy a gun-free meal elsewhere. What I do find odd is that there are only female waitstaff. Isn't the gun basically a penis extension?

  22. Fred Says:

    Reading the reviews gave me the feeling many of them were written by the same person. No doubt the pancakes and burgers are wondrous things to behold and I'm sure the well armed waitresses are drop dead gorgeous babes but still the similarity in writing style and unanimous raves for all aspects of chow, service and decor gives me pause. Then again, maybe all gun totin' Christianists living in Colorado took the same creative writing course when they was home schooled. Even the ones from Florida.