Aging is being faced with two temptations and invariably choosing the one that gets you home earlier.
Real post later today.
HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INDOCTRINATE PEOPLE
ALL SIGNS POINT TO KURU
I have a headache, joint pain, and some weakness in my extremities.
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I checked with the internet and I have either a cold with a mild fever and seasonal allergy symptoms or Kuru, a neurodegenerative transmissible spongiform encephalopathy caused by prions.
It doesn't matter that colds are transmitted by, you know, leaving the house while Kuru is transmitted by ritual cannibalism of the neurospinal column of an infected corpse. The symptoms are the same and, well, I have been hearing a lot about Kuru lately.
I have sympathy for the government and media. Really, dealing with the dissemenation of information on issues of public health, safety and welfare is not easy.
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Official Sources and media outlets must constantly tread the boundary between prudence and hysteria while communicating in a way that accounts for the American public's antipathy toward compound sentences. Nevertheless, I have to restrain myself from punching the monitor when I see things like this:
Setting aside the fact that the swine flu just isn't that damn communicable or lethal, peruse this list of "warning signs" from CDC public statements. Those are the symptoms of the swine flu. Or the regular flu. Or a cold. Or a sinus infection. Or an attack of seasonal allergies. Or drinking until 4 AM and going to work on 90 minutes of sleep. Or eating enough cheap, grease-laden Mexican food to give oneself the thunderous shits for a few hours.
While government statements and media reports about the swine flu are always couched in caveats that are rarely noticed and easily overwhelmed by the paranoia of the foolish, for the most part the treatment of this statistically insignificant illness has spawned the predictable hysteria. Doctors and hospitals must take to the airwaves to combat the rising tide of panicking twits crowding their offices and ERs. The medical community is forced to divert resources to the urgent preparation of a "swine flu vaccine." Old people, irrational parents, and the generally feeble-minded are convinced that this virus is the biggest threat to civilization since Satanic Ritual Abuse and back-masked Judas Priest lyrics.
I have previously recommended Barry Glassner's excellent Culture of Fear: Why Americans are Afraid of the Wrong Things and I will do so again. This disease has caused two confirmed deaths in the United States.
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Two. Does the CDC note that every single day the regular flu – the plain old kind that you will get twice this winter – kills six hundred Americans? Six hundred. Daily. Septic infections in hospitals, the same ones would-be swine flu victims rush to, kill 93 people every day. People who are terrified of catching the swine flu have little probelm getting in their car four or five times per day, an activity thousands of times riskier. Sixty Americans die every year from being hit by lightning.
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Your odds of drowning in your bathtub (1/800,000) dwarfs your odds of even catching the swine flu let alone perishing from it.
What the fuck, America?
Oh wait. It provides a great excuse to rile up the yokels about Messican immigants.
GODDAMN YOU, KEVIN McCULLOUGH
I really want to stop doing FJMs so frequently. Really, honestly, sincerely I do. But I need to do this one. I can rest when I'm dead.
Kevin McCullough is a complete nobody, like 98% of the columnists who clog the cultural greasetrap of TownHall.com. He is the co-host of "XTreme Radio" with…wait for it…Stephen Fucking Baldwin. What, Daniel was busy?
Anyway, Kevin is here to tell us how a real (i.e., not gay) man would treat vapid pageant automaton Carrie Prejean when she expresses herself on the issue of "traditional" marriage. Traditional meaning "better." Like how "traditional" race relations in the US were way better than the new kind. By the end of this journey through "Why Satan's 'Tolerant' Spawn Hate Miss California" I think you will have a better understanding of traditional marriage, gays, and how badly Kevin McCullough needs to be locked in a state-run mental institution before he goes on a murder spree.
DISCLAIMER: In no way should the description of columnist Michael Musto and blogger Perez Hilton in the following piece be understood to apply to all males who engage or are curious about homosexuality.
Oh, this is going to be good. As we can take to the bank the fact that anything prefaced with "Now, I'm not a racist, but…" is certain to be really goddamn racist, a disclaimer like this is the most beautiful form of foreshadowing.
Has anyone seen Carrie Prejean's brother? I'm not even sure if she has one.
The only way this could possibly be relevant is if you were about to argue that…nevermind. He can't possibly be getting ready to imply that she needs a man to protect her. I won't believe it. No man good enough to co-host an internet radio show with Stephen Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ Baldwin could be so foolish.
But I know one thing, when I was in the sixth grade a boy in my school called my sister the name of a female dog, and he literally had a fight on his hands his entire way home that afternoon. His name was Chris Green he didn't even know my sister but in a moment of trying to injure me he called my sister that name.
Let's safely assume that Kevin has a long, long list of people who slighted him in grammar school, complete with Howard Unruh-style notes about the appropriate retaliation for each transgressor.
For the first few blocks my friend Shane and I shadowed him up the street off the junior high campus,
Sounds emotionally healthy so far.
and then when we thought we were outside of school jurisdiction Shane held my stuff while I tackled and then proceeded to punch the living daylights out of the bully who was two grades older than me and a good eighty pounds heavier.
Well, size is negated when one party sucker-punches the other like a coward. Good job, though. GRR! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!!! Kevin McCullough is so fucking tough that the swine flu got him.
About five minutes into it campus security drove up and dragged us back on campus where both of us were sentenced to a week of after school study hall.
"Campus security"?? Where in the hell did you go to 6th grade, Kevin? An oil rig in the Straits of Hormuz? Marion Federal Prison? In The Road Warrior?
It was the only fight I ever participated in my entire educational experience. And it was the last time Chris Green ever brought up my sisters within earshot of me.
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Violence works! Also, thank God there was a man around to protect your sister from the verbal droppings of a goddamn 11 year-old boy.
Given the fact that Perez Hilton more than a week ago asked Miss Carrie Prejean her opinion and didn't like the result, someone like her brother needs to pay a visit to Perez Hilton and Village Voice columnist Michael Musto and remind them how men are expected to comport in society.
Violently! Comport yourself such that you are ready to lash out – unpredictably and without warning – in explosive bursts of retribution whenever you hear something that displeases you!
There was a day when even the word "prostitute" was not used in mixed company, even to describe women who actually were in fact prostitutes. Manliness constrained their speech, and pseudonyms were substituted like "lady of the night."
I don't even know where the fuck to begin. I'm just going to amuse myself with a ball of twine for a few minutes.
It's understandable that males who prefer women's underwear and their mother's earrings would be jealous of someone like Carrie.
Kevin, it's fair that you speak out so strongly against The Gay since you have such an accurate, well-developed understanding of The Gays. Also, when I have six spare hours, I will put on a sock puppet show explaining how "You're making fun of me because you're jealous" is perhaps the most shameful display of juvenile "logic" that can be employed rhetorically short of yelling "TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE!" or making farting noises with one's armpit.
But it is unacceptable from any person heterosexual or homosexual to abide the types of things these two males have uttered within the last week concerning Miss California. Oh yes, and you can add to that the rather saddest excuse for manhood in prime time cable today Keith Olbermann.
"rather saddest"? Oh, I forgot. We're still doing the RightWingSpeak thing.
Tub flange, doorbell compressor? Beiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiige!
Their criticism was beyond just differing on points of substance. Like pigs they wallowed in rhetorical feces, smeared it on their faces, as well as each others, and then belched it out across the airwaves.
Highly, highly credible criticism from the host of hard-right "X-FUCKIN-TREEEEEEEEEEEME RADIO" with Stephen Slap My Ass and Call Me Napoleon Baldwin. The one who introduced his discussion with a title about "Satan's spawn."
Do tell us, Professor. Do tell. Lecture us on rolling around in rhetorical shit.
(snipping a long string of quotes from Musto and Hilton)
Those little gems stemmed from a two minute interview conducted by Olbermann on his nightly news show in which the big breaking news of someone besides Carrie releasing her medical information was the scheduled topic to be discussed.
Well, it helps to euphemistically refer to "her medical information" rather than mentioning that California pageant officials paid to give her fake tits. Not relevant to her stupidity but, you know, it makes her look like a bigger ingrate for disrespecting the organization by violating her contract and using her position to advance a partisan agenda like a complete hack after they shelled out to help her compete in this twisted spectacle of degradation.
Had Olberman even an ounce of dignity, manhood, or integrity within him he would've cut the interview off and gone to break. But instead the adolescent boy within him kept laughing and going.
Unlike the adolescent boy in Kevin McCullough, who lashes out and kicks some motherfucking ass when he hears things he dislikes!
And here I sit still waiting for even one member of the cable news, or mainstream media circles to formulate an articulate defense of the beautiful, kind, compassionate woman
You forgot vapid and bigoted. Those two are important.
who is being treated this way for simply answering a question honestly.
OK, so answering a question "honestly" is supposed to shield someone from the repercussions of said response? If a reader asks me "Gee Ed, whaddya think about Hitler?" and my response is "He's a great, great man. Too bad we stopped him!" can I sidestep the ensuing furor by feigning Honesty?
Come on, people, I'm just keepin' it real! You can't give me shit for being Honest and telling you My Opinion! The Forcefield of Honesty protects me!
The fact that few men have had visceral reactions to this demonstrates how weak modern feminism has caused men to become.
This is Kevin McCullough's love letter to K-Lo. They can bond over their mutual love of blaming feminism. They can co-author a column blaming feminism for the fact that the children they produce will be hooved.
Simply put Musto and Hilton aren't just men who struggle with some sort of unnatural attraction to other males. They aren't even, for that matter, males that practice sexual behavior with other males that mind their own business and aren't out to upend the entirety of the free world.
THE GAY AGENDA
1. Upend entirety of free world
2. Wear panties
3. Wear mom's jewelry
4. Convert children
5. Bugger said children
6. Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous parades!
7. Be legally recognized as human beings
Source: Stephen Goddamn Battle Hymn of the Republic Baldwin
Musto and Hilton are angry hateful males who have no concept of what manhood is. They are jealous of Carrie for the confidence she exudes, the kindness she genuinely expresses, and for the kind of men she is able to attract.
Of all the claims laid against Mr. Hilton and Mr. Musto, I'm pretty sure that accusing them of being jealous of the amount of ultraconservative cock Ms. Prejean can attract is the most ludicrous. I mean, is there ANYONE – even straight ultraconservative women – who thinks of Neil Cavuto, Ron Paul, or Jonah Goldberg as the dream lay? Something tells me Mr. Hilton is not hurting for male companionship and doesn't spend many nights alone wishing that he could slowly motorboat Rush Limbaugh's crenulated buttocks.
(Note: the above discussion excludes world-renowned gay icon Stephen Sweet Quivering Balls of the Blessed Virgin Baldwin)
Undoubtedly the tempers in the men who have said and expressed these diabolical statements stems from a deep and abiding hurt in their life that needs to be dealt with in mercy and kindness.
And punching.
But that still doesn't give them or any of the other hateful haters who hate out there
If one attempted to explain alliteration to a three year old, he or she would probably try the concept by repeating the same word. I mean, little kids just don't understand literary devices. Now, I'm not implying that Kevin McCullough is as good of a writer as a three year old, but Kevin McCullough is as good of a writer as a three year old.
the right to rhetorically bludgeon the name and reputation of a decent woman for answering a question honestly.
I honestly believe that someone should find Kevin McCullough's home address and burn his house to the ground after barricading all of the exits.
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Forcefield of Honesty! This is an excellent legal defense. It will certainly hold up in court.
In my world growing up my mother made sure that I understood several things.
I'd say "several" is an excellent estimate of the number of things you understand, Shooter.
You always hold the door open for the ladies to go first.
Well, I prefer to hold the door open for whatever people I happen to be with. I don't see the need to discriminate. Sometimes, if I'm not the first person to reach a door, a woman holds the door for me.
Tell me I didn't just blow your fucking mind, Kev!
You never hit a woman.
I'd add "or men," but that might seem a little too gay to Kevin.
And you never speak to her in coarseness and filth.
Fine. What's the Emily Post-approved way to tell this dipshit to lean forward and blow it directly out her puckered asshole?
In the anonymity of a television studio, or the safety of a bedroom webcam,
Or from the safety of a syndicated column.
Musto and Hilton feel they can rhetorically rape the heart and soul of Carrie Prejean.
Kevin, you just raped logic.
What they are doing, K-Mac, is pointing out that someone in her position probably shouldn't be a racist, or a sexist, or an anti-Semite, or particularly unfond of Belgians. See, paegeants are disgusting anachronisms from an era best forgotten. But. BUT. If we accept the fact that they continue to exist and some women choose to participate, we can objectively agree that such a "position" should be used for the general good. You know, raising money for Jerry's Kids. Saving pandas. Telethons for pediatric AIDS. School books for kids in Ghana. It's not an invitation to become Trent Lott. She wasn't elected to office. She was declared the "winner" of a contest to see who could most completely conform to an idealized version of 1950s womanhood.
But friend, that's just pure evil. You simply do not treat a lady like that… ever. Especially if they have a big brother.
To quote Beavis, are you threatening me? Holy shit are you a creep, Kevin.
I feel like I'm reading John Hinckley's letter to Jodie Foster, a desperate attempt to impress Miss California with his toughness, feats of strength, manliness, intellect, agility, and Godliness. If he's as persuasive in the romantic sense as he is at political rhetoric, I have a feeling that they'll be married soon.
THIS IS JUST A TEST
In 1904 Colorado Governor James Peabody had the state police physically place Mary "Mother" Jones on a train heading out of Denver after she was accused of rousing rabble among striking coal miners – which she most certainly was, of course. She exited the first stop across the state line, got on the first train returning to Denver, and sent Gov. Peabody a letter that read, in part:
I wish to notify you, governor, that you don't own the state. When it was admitted to the sisterhood of states, my fathers gave me a share of stock in it; and that is all they gave to you. The civil courts are open. If I break a law of a state or nation it is the duty of the civil courts to deal with me. That is why my forefathers established those courts to keep dictators and tyrants such as you from interfering with civilians. I am right here in the capital, after being out nine or ten hours, four or five blocks from your office. I want to ask you, governor, what in the Hell are you going to do about it?
Sometimes the best negotiation is not to negotiate. Acknowledge the rules of the game and tell the other party "Your move."
Within 45 minutes of David Souter's retirement announcement the usual suspects were in full pant-shitting rage over the President's replacement (who, of course, hasn't been chosen but is almost certainly the antichrist). The fake right-wing interest groups that exist to protest any judicial nominee to the left of Bill Frist have leapt into action. And it's clear from the outset that they know exactly how many legs they have to stand on in this fight, as their statements make clear:
Leaders on the call, such as Wendy Long of the Judicial Confirmation Network, told colleagues that one of their first challenges is convincing activists there is a fight to be had. (snip)
Conservative activists also made it clear that they're concerned about whether Republican senators have the stomach for this fight, since they know going in that Democrats have a nearly filibuster proof majority.
"We've really got to make it clear that we have certain expectations for Republican senators," Levy said, "Including the fact that they study the nominee and not run to the podium to endorse the nominee whoever it is.”
Another member of the Judicial Confirmation Network, Gary Marx, said he has the same concerns. "We need to really be focused on putting wind in the sails of these Republican senators at this stage of the battle," said Marx.
The question they can't answer, of course, is what in the hell the Senate GOP is supposed to do about it. In my read of the criticism (i.e., Michelle Malkin's predictable illiterate ravings) what they really want the Republicans to do is piss and moan and somehow stop a nomination process they have almost no ability to influence. Perfect. That's what the GOP can do well: ineffectually bitch.
I don't want to say anything as cliched as "This is Obama's first big test," but this is Obama's first big test. The person he appoints will have a 20+ year legacy and the President absolutely cannot bend too far to appease the 40 people the GOP has remaining in the Senate. With Specter the Democrats have sixty – once the Franken mess is sorted out – and thus no power. The only thing that is important for the President is to make 60, not 100, happy. As weak as the coalition of 60 seems, this is not an impossible task.
The Democrats have 55 solid people who will support just about any nominee who isn't completely wacky. Franken is 56, and his situation may be resolved in the near future. Lieberman and Specter are 57 and 58. Normally this would be horrifying, but Holy Joe has consistently expressed pro-choice views throughout his political career and wears a 100% rating from NARAL. While there is considerable skepticism about what Specter will do here, remember that he is worried about impressing liberal Pennsylvanians and this might be a good housewarming gift. He wants to avoid Democratic primary challengers, not alienate the party he just joined in hopes of getting re-elected next year. 59 and 60 are a little more tricky: Ben Nelson (D-NE) and Evan Bayh (D-IN).
It's widely accepted among Democrats that Nelson is about as useful as tits on a steer. They accept him and his voting record because he helps them numerically. That's about it. He's a conservative from a conservative state. Bayh is enamored of the mushy center and his social views trend toward conservative. Obama can accomodate these two without accomodating them, without compromising the integrity of what he is trying to do here. Pick five nominees who are essentially the same – young and liberal. Tell the pair of Senators "Pick one you like. Pick one you could live with. Pick three you can't live with." They will inevitably discard three of them based on superficial "controversial" aspects of their record – some inflammatory speech the nominee gave, some transgression from his or her personal background, or some ruling on a hot-button but irrelevant issue like flag burning or displaying Nativity scenes. Problem solved.
Like the toy steering wheel my nephew likes to spin while mom drives the van, the key is to make the would-be obstructionists feel like they're controlling the process when in reality they are being skillfully manipulated. Telling Evan Bayh that he gets to pick the nominee makes him feel like a Big Boy who drinks from an adult cup. Let him have that meaningless thrill. The key is to present a group of options who are identical on significant issues. Let the Senate bicker over someone's opinion on displaying the Ten Commandments in courthouses. The overarching goal is to get the substantive issues right. All else is chaff.
NPF: BEING FEMALE IS COMPLICATED
This commercial blew my mind. Unfortunately I can't find a video, so the website will have to do.
Bali Concealers. It is a line of brassieres. "The first and only bras," in fact, "with revolutionary concealing petals for complete modesty." The commercial prominently features this phrase and initially I had no earthly idea what Petals are or how they promote Modesty. Then, after numerous close-ups of breasts (or, if you prefer the proper medical term, "knockers") under thin, satiny, skin-tight dresses…
Oh. "Modesty." The gee-it's-cold-in-here kind. The party-lights-are-on kind.
It struck me as amazing that this is, like, an actual thing that women have to consider when dressing. My primary goal when dressing is to make sure I don't leave the house without pants. Even when I have to dress professionally I could do it in the dark. Everything I own matches everything else. I have black shoes, brown shoes, and a belt matching each. And I never, ever have to worry about "modesty."
I've long believed that, rampant societal misogyny aside, being female is a pretty sweet deal. This commercial changed everything. I only wish I had thought of this simple, brilliant "invention" myself, as the Bali Corp. is no doubt going to make garbage bags of money on it. My ad campaign would be far classier, though.
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STRIKE ONE
Well, my suspicion that Chrysler was in far worse shape than GM appears to have been correct. They're the first one to crawl into bankruptcy court.
A VERY SPECIAL FJM FOR MICHAEL STEELE
RNC Chairman Michael Steele sent the following email to the RNC listserve on Tuesday. Despite my explicit desire to spread out the FJM series, this is an opportunity one cannot overlook.
Dear _______,
I hope Arlen Specter's party change outrages you. It should for two reasons:
"Hi, I'm Michael Steele, token black guy and second-in-command to whichever talk radio jackass is leading you people these days. We fucked up – bad. But if your blind, ignorant rage got us into this mess it can certainly get us out! Am I right? Am I right?"
First–Specter claimed it was philosophical–and pointed his finger of blame at Republicans all over America for his defection to the Democrats. He told us all to go jump in the lake today.
Well, you were all really nice to him. This is quite a mystery. Scotland Yard is working on it. Two separate teams working in 12-hour shifts. One of them has a bloodhound.
I'm sorry, but I don't believe a word he said.
Luckily for Senator SuperJowls, it no longer matters whether or not you believe him.
Arlen Specter committed a purely political and self-serving act today. He simply believes he has a better chance of saving his political hide and his job as a Democrat. He loves the title of Senator more than he loves the party–and the principles–that elected him and nurtured him.
This is copied verbatim from the email the RNC sent out when Dick Shelby and Ben Nighthorse Campbell abandoned the Democrats and joined the GOP in 1994. The Republicans responded by refusing to admit those gentlemen to their caucus. Moral outrage knows no partisanship.
Second–and more importantly–Arlen Specter handed Barack Obama and his band of radical leftists
nearly absolute power in the United States Senate. In leaving the Republican Party–and joining the Democrats–he absolutely undercut Republicans' efforts to slow down Obama's radical agenda through the threat of filibuster.
According to a statistic I just made up, 97% of Americans vehemently oppose the President and his radical plan to steal our guns and fluoridate our water.
Facing defeat in Pennsylvania's 2010 Republican primary due to his left-wing voting record
No, I'd say it's primarily because the Pennsylvania GOP is tiny and unrepresentative of the majority of the voters in the state. You know, the people required to win the general election. The GOP brand name is as marketable as "E.
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Coli Cafeteria" or "Childrape Daycare Center" up here. His voting record reflects his constituents. They live in Philly and State College and Scranton, not Beaumont, Texas.
and an end to his 30 year career in the U.S. Senate, he has peddled his services–and his vote–to the leftist Obama Democrats who aim to remake America with their leftist plan.
Oh, he didn't do that to help the leftist Obama leftists leftistly enact their leftist plan. He did it for revenge, to stick it in the GOP's ass sans lube. Unless blood counts as lube.
For the RNC, the last step in proofreading documents for release to the media is to have an intern go through and add "leftist" in as many places as possible.
As recently as April 9th, Senator Specter said he would run in the Pennsylvania primary next year as a Republican. Why the sudden change of heart?
Someday they will come for you too, Michael, and then you will understand. Also, I bet being assholes to the man for 25 years had something to do with it.
Clearly, this was an act based on political expediency by a craven politician desperate to keep his Washington power base–not the act of a statesman.
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Awesome. Accuse the man of being craven and desperate to keep his Washington power base as a means of criticizing him for undermining the craven GOP's desperate effort to keep its Washington power base.
His defection to the Democrat Party
"-ic". Someone really needs to catch this typo at RNC Headquarters, pictured here:
puts the Democrats in an almost unstoppable position to pass Obama's destructive agenda of income redistribution, health care nationalization, and a massive expansion of entitlements.
No, the fact that you can't win a Senate seat north of Gatlinburg put the Democrats in that position.
Arlen Specter has put his loyalty to his own political career above his duty to his state and nation.
This is why the GOP strongly opposed Joe Lieberman's independent candidacy. Principle First every time with these people. Also, Arlen Specter's duty is to obstruct the White House and the overwhelming Congressional majority while taking marching orders from backward closet cases in Colorado Springs.
You and I have a choice. Some will use Specter's defection as an excuse to fold the tent and give up.
Fortunately it's a pretty goddamn small tent – one of those 20-ounce ultralight backpacking jobs; I highly recommend Kelty – so it shouldn't take long.
I believe that you are not one of those people.
This is where he begins the Bill Pullman speech from the end of Independence Day. They originally used the "band of brothers" speech from Henry V but found that conservatives don't like things that come from books.
When Benedict Arnold defected to the British, George Washington didn't fold the tent and give up either.
Well, he didn't give up because Arnold's fabled treachery had little military significance and no deterrent effect on Washington's ability to fight. It's exciting to think that the GOP might be adopting a "George Washington strategy" though – complete with 1000 Hessian mercenaries, numerous river fordings, and a nasty outbreak of typhus.
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He grit his teeth more determined than ever to succeed. That's what I'm asking you to do today.
Source: an interview with George Washington that I just made up.
Join me in this fight by making a secure online contribution of $25, $50, $100, $500 or $1,000 right now to build our army of supporters and defeat Democrat candidates like Arlen Specter in next year's elections.
The cash will be used to print signs reading ARLEN SPECTOR – SOCIALEST which will bring his campaign to its knees.
Stand with me. I need your support today.
I'd rather spend my money on organizations with greater odds of success than the GOP. That is why I just bought four Washington Nationals season tickets.
Sincerely,
Michael Steele
Chairman, Republican National Committee
Not for long, Yankee.
UNSCHEDULED OUTAGE
Dear readers, I have nearly exhausted my bandwidth for April – my first 50,000 hit month ever. It resets monthly, so on the off chance that the site becomes unavailable sometime on Thursday, April 30 be sure to check back on Friday rather than forgetting I exist and never returning.
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Six years ago when we were lucky to pull 20 unique IPs per day – and that was a good day – I would never have imagined averaging 1500.
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Thank you.
OH YEAH? WELL…
Eight years ago DeLay-Gingrich-Bush style politics bit the Republican Party in the ass. Hard. Today we see that what separates the GOP from higher-order primates is the ability of the latter, and inability of the former, to learn from such a mistake.
The year was 2001. Senator Jim Jeffords (R-VT) had committed a grievous ideological error. By opposing President Bush's $1.6 trillion tax cut proposal, Jeffords forced the White House to accept compromise legislation with a mere $1.2 trillion in tax cuts. If that doesn't sound like a crime in need of immediate and vicious retribution, well, then you don't understand the brilliance of the people who were in charge back then. Frist, Bush, DeLay, and the rest of the GOP power brokers were unambiguous: Jeffords had to pay.
The GOP leadership in Congress refused to renew a dairy subsidy bill that was important to Vermont farmers or to fully fund Jeffords' pet legislation, the dastardly and controversial "Individuals with Disabilities Education Act." Jim, you partisan hack. The White House added petty insults like refusing to invite Jeffords to an event at which a Vermonter was given the national Teacher of the Year award. "Heh heh heh," the GOP braintrust chuckled amidst considerable back-slapping and cigar-puffing, "we showed that fruity Yankee."
Unable to conceive of what Jeffords could possibly do in response to their coordinated onslaught, they were legitimately shocked when he responded to their "fuck you" with a resounding, "Oh yeah? Well fuck you." Jeffords left the GOP and threw the majority to the Democrats for the first time since 1994.
The GOP learned nothing from the ordeal, of course, and in the intervening eight years it has grown even less tolerant of "RINOs" (moderates) or any deviation from the ideological gospel. It would be facile to say that Arlen Specter's flip represents mere opportunism. In reality, this represents the culmination of fifteen years of hostility and harrassment directed at the dopey Pennsylvanian. Politicians expect that from the opposition, but not from their own party.
Back in 2005 Jeffrey Toobin wrote an excellent piece about how all-or-nothing GOP "nuclear option" politics were slowly crushing all of the party's moderates. Having already claimed the careers of most of his liberal Republican colleagues, Specter bore the full brunt of the talk radio hostility alone.
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Specter, of Pennsylvania, was elected in 1980. These days, in his office overlooking the Supreme Court, he surveys, not happily, the current state of his party—especially the disappearance of moderates like him. “We had a lot of senators,” he said. “We could go on and on and on,” and he named, as examples of this group, Bob Packwood, Mark Hatfield, Lowell Weicker, Charles Mathias, and John Heinz. “And we don’t have them now. So it’s not good for the Party, and it’s not good for the country. It’s not good for the Party because you need balance. You need to be a national party.”
By 2005 Specter, a 25 year Senate veteran, was reduced to taking orders from Texans and Alabamans who had been in the Senate for about five minutes. The party humiliated him by forcing him to audition for his Judiciary chairmanship – on national television.
“I have not and would not use a litmus test to deny confirmation to pro-life nominees,” Specter said, in the weary monotone of a Soviet prisoner forced to confess his ideological errors. “I have voted for all of President Bush’s judicial nominees in committee and on the floor, and I have no reason to believe that I’ll be unable to support any individual President Bush finds worthy of nomination.”
“Everyone who pays attention knows that Senator Specter comes from a state and a segment of the Party that are to the left of the President and the Republican caucus,” John Cornyn, a conservative first-term senator from Texas, said. “I have been pretty pleased from what I’ve seen of Senator Specter’s performance so far.”
Specter didn't need the GOP, and the GOP didn't think it needed him. After nearly being defeated by a wingnut primary challenger in 2004, he won the general election by 11% – in a state John Kerry won. He didn't have a hard time getting Pennsylvanians to vote for him; it was the DC radio hosts, the cowboy-hatted hick Congressmen from Texas, and the Colorado Springs televangelists that were giving him grief. As he geared up for another brutal primary challenge from far right "Club for Growth" candidate Pat Toomey, we don't need deep insights into Specter's mind to understand how readily he might conclude "You know what?
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I don't need this shit."
And he doesn't.
What did all the hostility toward Specter accomplish? What did Rush and Hannity and the Free Republic forums get in return for savagely attacking this nondescript guy for more than a decade? Well, they successfully drove him out of the party just as the GOP desperately clings to their last shred of influence in DC – the 41 seats needed to defeat cloture.
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As the increasingly readable David Frum said,
For a long time, the loudest and most powerful voices in the conservative world have told us that people like Specter aren’t real Republicans – that they don’t belong in the party. Now he’s gone, and with him the last Republican leverage within any of the elected branches of government.
Specter could have waited, of course, until late 2009 or early 2010. He claims that the timing of his announcement was dictated by the legalities of forming his re-election campaign. Maybe. In reality I think this is an old man, one who has had a brush with death and answers only to his conscience at this point, twisting the knife. This was carefully timed to inflict maximum damage. He is once again responding predictably to the actions of a party that never seems to learn the lesson that every ideological vendetta leads to ruin. Frum asks,
For years, many in the conservative world have wished for an ideologically purer GOP. Their wish has been granted. Happy?
Good question. They have plenty of time to ponder it.