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I have long maintained – and let's face it, the lack of competition makes it hard to dispute – that the At the Drive-In classic "One-Armed Scissor" is the finest song ever written about an astronaut losing his shit on a space station and killing everything including himself. I did, however, assume that the subject matter was largely borne of an overactive imagination, too much sci-fi, and a hell of a lot of cocaine.

Apparently, either NASA does just as much cocaine or they listen to a lot of ATDI. They have taken Cedric's warning seriously enough to have developed a detailed plan for dealing with astro-psychos in space. Let's just say it involves a lot of duct tape (!!!!) and Haldol. Either NASA has very little confidence in its psychological screening procedures or there's something about being in space that they assume can crack just about anyone. They know something we don't! Solaris was not fiction!

"End transmission" indeed.

The authors of this site are unashamed to admit that we collectively dedicated about 6 hours of our lives on Saturday to watching this video in incrementally higher levels of resolution (YouTube to large monitor to downloaded and burned in full DVD quality played through an HDTV).

We are simply floored at Samwell's level of homosexuality, and I am almost speechless as I try to provide you with words that convey it.
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I cannot. Just watch the video, and if YouTube proves insufficient to communicate his gayness (as it did for us) then head over to Samwell's production company – "Brownmark Films" – and download the DVD-ready 1GB file. It is worth it.

I strongly suspect that Samwell was created in a laboratory by a team of gay artisan-scientists working exclusively in the medium of gay.
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He is composed of parts gleaned from lesser gays and was created with the intention of turning Islamic fundamentalists gay in secret CIA prisons.

It might work.

Regardless, we do have cause to question one of Samwell's claims – that he is "delicate like a flower" and therefore anyone who accepts his challenge to put it in his butt must be gentle. We are skeptical. Something tells me that Samwell's anus is actually quite rugged, proving relatively accomodating to a variety of objects inserted with various, and sometimes minimal, levels of gentleness.
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I do not want to spend any time or energy making fun of The Half Hour News Hour, Fox News' "conservative answer to The Daily Show." There is such a thing, even in blogging, as wasting time and flogging a dead horse.

Look, the show is fucking awful, it's a fundamentally-flawed premise (The Daily Show primarily makes fun of the media, whereas this retort is largely just a vehicle to push right-wing propaganda), and it will be cancelled in about 6 weeks. History will remember it somewhat more fondly than The Chevy Chase Show. If they're lucky.

I will point out just one thing and then leave this abomination to history.

Check out this clip – a hilarious little skit about Rush Limbaugh….as president! Ha ha ha! Anyway, aside from how painfully un-funny the clip is, one thing blows me away: have you ever heard more laugh track on something in your life? Aside from the Americanized version of the British sitcom Coupling, I cannot recall watching anything in which the canned laughter was more egregious and out of place. I mean, in this Limbaugh clip the laugh track is going (and on full-blast "hysterical" setting) during parts that aren't even jokes. I don't mean "bad jokes" (like comparing Barack Obama to Marion Barry…is it 1990? How about some Tonya Harding jokes? John Wayne Bobbit?). No jokes at all.

This show cannot possibly succeed because there is absolutely nothing funny about the current ideological basis of mainstream conservatism. Moral prudishness, greed, and anti-intellectualism are not the building blocks of a comedy fortress.

If you're shocked at how awful The Half Hour News Hour is, you shouldn't be. After all, the banal fratboy ramblings of Jonah Goldberg are currently considered to be tremendous wit on the right.
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I feel sorry for young conservatives. It wasn't that long ago that the movement had some intelligent people representing it.
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From Irving Kristol, Buckley and Safire to Coulter, Goldberg, and Hannity in one generation.

I think that the finest moment in what is clearly a very fine film, Full Metal Jacket, comes when Sgt. Hartman is berating Matthew Modine's Pvt. Joker character (who is implied to be Jewish) for refusing to worship the Virgin Mary. On the off chance that you missed it, the scene goes as follows:

Hartman: Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?

Private Joker: Sir, no, sir!

Hartman: Well, well, Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!

Private Joker: Sir, the private said "no, sir," sir!

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Hartman: Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit! [Slaps Joker] You Goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out!

Private Joker: Sir, NEGATIVE, sir!

Hartman: Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?

Pretty hardcore. It's undoubtedly the kind of thing that went on a lot in the Vietnam-era military establishment.
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Flash forward to 2007, and the Loyal Republican Base is pulling the Sgt. Hartman on "poor" Mitt Romney. Apparently being a Mormon is intolerable heresy in the eyes of John Q. Republican these days, so much so that the party faithful fee comfortable putting candidates through the religious test in public.

Did I miss something? Are Mormons permissive heathen sodomites? I always thought they were the squeaky-clean, freakishly Ned Flandersish kind of people that the Religious Right wanted to populate Washington.

Governor Romney, I will motivate you.

While the heckler didn't quite yell "Governor Romney, you'd best sound off you love the Virgin Mary," it's safe to say that he or she did come away with the impression that Romney was in fact trying to offend everyone by not being a southern evangelical of some sort.

We here in the reality-based community have been so hard on Saint McCain.

His pious I'm-sort-of-against-the-war (in some vague and unspecified sense) rhetoric, coupled with his lemming-like support for Our President every step of the way, has led a lot of Americans to question his integrity.

Fortunately, as the 2008 Election heats up, Saint McCain is clarifying that we have been terribly wrong about him.
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It turns out that he has been the world's biggest Iraq war critic all along.

Now I know some of you cynics might be wondering why he would wait until 2007, 3 months into Mr. Rumsfeld's retirement, to go on a scathing tirade about the former Secretary's inept mismanagement of the entire war. How dare you question this man of integrity? The timing and Saint McCain's motives are entirely pure.

It might make "sense" in the reality-based world to look at his voting record and remind everyone that he has been a rubber stamp in the Senate for five years. But that is misguided. People, it is his words, and not his actions, by which he needs to be judged.