Month: August 2004

Yes, we all know that super stores in the United States are some of the most surreal places known to man. Nearly everyone I know used to go to Meijer (midwestern superstore) ages ago with no shopping agenda, just to pass some time in awe and wonderment at the fact that they could literally buy anything.

However, with the recent growth of super Walmarts and the whatnot, the novelty has sort of worn off.
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Well, these stores couldn't let that happen could they? There is no way that they could just let our interest in their mind numbing absurdity wane.

It recently came to my attention that in Boise Idaho…..

a couple was married in a Walmart!

This is one of those moments that you really wish you were kidding.

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You are desperately hoping that someone is playing a horrible joke on you. However, in the words of the bride:

"It never dawned on me to have it anyplace else."

Yes clearly what they were actually thinking is that all of their friends and relatives are lazy and cheap. They were going to put off buying a wedding gift until the absolute last minute, and they desperately wanted a bargain.

Speaking of bargains, some people choose to start their married life at Walmart while others apparently would like to end theirs at…

Costco's Universal Casket Department?


There is little room left to make fun of this. We stepped into this story a bit late, every news source in the country has already made all the relevant jokes- particularly those in Chicago where the market is being tested. One of my favorite was when WLS radio personality Roe Conn asked the question: "when are they going to go on sale? Perhaps around the holiday season?"

Some sources are skeptical that Costco can actually successfully break into the casket business:

"Third-party suppliers have been around for a while now," said Walkinshaw. "Costco is pricing caskets at $800, but many funeral homes offer caskets for much less than that amount. I don't think this will change the landscape of the market."

Yeah, so anyway, America’s superstores, for all your marriage and death needs.

1) A Message From White House West. Everyone may have already seen this, but in case you haven't do yourself the favor. You can right click on the quicktime links to save it to your computer, which is a good idea as you'll end up watching this a hundred times.

I'm trying to find video of Farrell at a recent fundraiser for the Natural Resources Defense Council, where he dressed in the flight suit to do the Bush impression. Look at that picture – is Will Farrell funny at everything? And for the love of god, go see Ron Burgandy again already.

2) The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Trailer. I'm so excited for this movie. The setups, framing and costuming (not to mention facial hair) of Wes Anderson's movies grows continuously bizarre. I remember one of my favorite memories of seeing Bottle Rocket was the yellow jumpsuits and bizarre Texas backgrounds – everything was so stylized yet so natural. You used to be able to order those jumpsuits but they they have since been discontinued.

Each subsequent movie has upped the ante in these areas, and this movie is no different. Watch that trailer again. Notice the Zs in the black sweaters. Notice how the acedemic panel ("revenge.") has a 16th century Italian Master type painting for the background and is set in an opera hall – not exactly what I picture when I think academia. When they have the "Bill Murray" title for the credits look at the background of his office setting – there's a whale turning over! Some people criticized Royal Tenenbaums for being too much an excercise in style, but I say bring it on. The actors are top notch and can definitely fill out the amazing scenery. And the facial hair.

side note: It's co-written with Noah Baumbach, whose Kicking and Screaming is easily my favorite of the mid-90s Miramax-funded "people in their mid 20s saying Very Clever Things while Hanging Out" genre. A friend pointed out that because of the 1995 movie's wonderful "I haven't been-to-Prague been-to-Prague" speech (the first clip under K&S here) everyone who has moved to Prague since then – and I know more than a few – should at least admit that they are being a bit of a cliché. And maybe even apologize.

I knew one guy who was reading "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" before moving over to Prague. The movie called doing that a cliché back then, and this guy was doing it in 2002. I told him that the book was a bad guide as the Soviets were no longer occupying the country. I don't think he got it.

1)

Public Schools Have Higher Test Scores Than Private Schools

For some of you this may be a bombshell, but for all of you who went through the Catholic High School System this should be no surprise: Charter Schools have lower test scores than similar Public Schools. The report was put together by the American Federation of Teachers using the government's own numbers, and is reprinted here. Evidently the government delayed released the charter school's scores until the last possible moment.

Everyone I know who went through a public high school, no matter where they stand on the No Child act or school vouchers, will generally accept the argument that private schools are better than public ones. I went to a (Catholic) private school, and never accepted that for a second. Nevermind the idea that you can mandate religion classes instead of, say, writing or reading classes. Whenever you run something for a profit you are bound to cut corners and get creative in improving your bottom line in ways that do nothing to help with education (was anyone else subject to the daily 30 minutes of commerical watching that was the Channel One experience?).

2)

Governor Blagojevich to Pharmaceutical Industry: Fuck You.

Sometimes I'm damn proud to live in Illinois. Yup, our Governor is starting a (perhaps illegal) program to import drugs from Canada and European countries at a cheaper rate. "The federal government has failed to act," Gov. Blagojevich said in a statement. "So it's time that we do."

Don't even get me started on the nonsense of this debate. I absolutely hate that the Pharmaceutical Industry wraps itself in the Free Market rhetoric while they remain the most protected industry this side of New Deal agriculture. Bush moves to change tariffs a point to help protect U.S. steel and everyone shits themselves. An army of lobbyists push the President to make it illegal to import a product at a cheaper price from a foreign source (imagine him doing that to semiconductors from China!?!?!?!?) and sign a bill that prevents Medicare from negotiating lower drug prices and nobody blinks. Granted, I'm not a big city economist, but the idea that the government should be working very hard to artificially keep prices high seems a bit off.

And don't give me the "they need the money for research" scare tactic either. If anyone produces the cure for cancer or AIDS I'll post a mea culpa immediately. But the extra funds for research line is such a canard. Nevermind that the NIH, through taxpayer dollars, does a significant amount of the research that is then bought out by the industry. Some estimates say that a third of drugs marketed by the major drug companies are now licensed from universities or small biotech companies. What's more important is that so much of the research goes to changing existing drugs just enough to re-patent them. Quote Dr. Sharon Levine, associate executive director of the Kaiser Permanente Medical Group:

If I'm a manufacturer and I can change one molecule and get another twenty years of patent rights, and convince physicians to prescribe and consumers to demand the next form of Prilosec, or weekly Prozac instead of daily Prozac, just as my patent expires, then why would I be spending money on a lot less certain endeavor, which is looking for brand-new drugs?

Which is why millions and millions of dollars is spent R&Ding Clarinex, so that it can get out the same year as Claritin loses it's patent; nevermind that it's virtually the same drug that produces the same effects (the same can be said about Prilosec/Nexium and a million other combos). I'm sure somewhere the AIDS vaccine is in its final test stages.

But perhaps I'm being mean. Years of ripping off Americans with inflated rates for drugs has finally cultimated in one scientific breakthrough: we now have the means to keep Mike Ditka's cock rock hard throughout the night.

And you gotta love that.

We here at the Ginandtacos Corporation try our hardest to take the high road. We pride ourselves with the degree to which our gentlemanly persona is an example for future generations of gin drinkers and taco consumers. However, unfortunately, there comes a time when something so mind bogglingly idiotic occurs that while in a hopelessly confused stupor we must share it and pray that in doing so we will find some catharsis.

On August the 11th some anonymous, and clearly well educated individual commented these honest criticism of the ginandtacos.com Champaign Bar Reviews, specifically referencing our reviews of Kam's and C. O. Daniel's:

It's complete bullshit for you to rate bars that you have either never been to or only visited a few times. You make ridiculous judgments about the "type" of people who frequent certain bars. I, as well as all my friends, went to Kams, CO's and Gully's.
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As far as paying $5 to get in- not if you knew someone…

You bet you can drink "one more than us." That, as well, is probably bullshit. Unless you stand at the bar of CO's and do Jagerbombs all night long, I doubt this is true. Drinking $1.50 pints of High Life for three hours is not the true definition of getting fucked up.
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Coincidentally, the only campus bars that don't make you want to shoot yourself are the ones that make me want to shoot myself.

Possibly the only true thing you have said in your entire posting of useless drivel is that you would get your ass kicked at Kams.

Peace, bitch.

Posted by at August 11, 2004 11:07 AM

Ginandtacos.com would like to present as a counter argument: You sir are a little bitch of epic and historically significant proportions- a bitch on such a level that your friends neighbors and coworkers will be in constant awe of your unadulterated bitchiness.

We would also like to propose that you look something like this:

That being said, you might ask yourself why it is that ginandtacos.com believes you so be so utterly without worth? Let me address this on a point-by-point basis.

• You seem to feel as though I am not able to make an accurate assessment of Kams of CO Daniels because I don’t frequent these establishments. It does not take a long arduous study to conclude that these bars smell of puke (probably yours) and urine. It does not take going to a bar every night to realize that their floor is so covered in shit that you have to throw out your pants and shoes when you get home. At this point, it does not take great leaps of faith or intense mental fortitude to assume that the regular patron of such an establishment has neither intelligence nor self respect- or really is even aware of the existence of either of these things.

  In case there is any doubt, take a look at these photos courtesy of IlliniParty.com :
  

  
  Try and play the fun and exciting how many of these men are of age versus how many of the women game.

• The only reason I ever mention that I drink more than you…is well… because I can. At this point in my life it is not something that I take great pride in, but well, it is true.
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  The fact that you use as a counter example your seeming epic consumption of Jagerbombs can only serve to confuse the issue. You are no doubt either underage or confused. Jagermeister is not hard liquor. It is about on the level of peach schnapps.
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  If you had paid more attention in your introduction to numeracy class you would be able to figure out that 16 ounces of beer has about twice as much alcohol as a shot of Jager. Of course that never occurred to you did it? No doubt all the Red Bull you consumed had sped up your metabolism to disturbing levels clouding your judgment. I will forgive you this point, as an inexperienced drinker you probably mistook this feeling for drunkenness. However, if you ever get serious, try drinking beer and whiskey; it’s better for you.

As a final note.
1. Knowing someone who can get you into a shitty bar for free is not cool.
2. Neither is implying that you would kick peoples asses because they are different from you.
3. You are a little bitch.