These, as Salon.com puts it, are very apt terms to describe a man who engages in sexual practices with a doll. When examining the notion of a "sex doll" imagery of the blow up doll with gaping mouth frequently used as comic relief in shameless films comes to mind. However, it would seem that the company Real Doll has been attempting to change this stereotype since 1996. That's right, for around $6500.00 you could have a "life like" sex doll crafted with state of the art "Hollywood special effects technology".
Historically speaking, ginandtacos.com has introduced its readers to a vast array of stories that could be said to make fun of themselves. That said, when I first became aware of this phenomenon when reading a story on Salon.com I realized that never before had something been so instrinsically ridiculous as to need no further fun making.
So then, as opposed to actually making any sort of attempt at degrading these people's "lifestyles" I will instead try to explain to you how I came to the conclusion that this is the single most absurd thing ever posted on ginandtacos.com.
All right then….
To start, when I clicked on the story, I was greeted by this photo:
Yes, this man clearly spent $6500 on the worlds most realistic sex doll
This man….is playing video games with his sex doll. He gave his sex doll a controller? I began reading the article and found out that he has named the doll Sidore and discribes it as being "…everything that turns him on: beautiful, loyal, a great listener." Yes, I know that in its own right, this is creepy. However we soon find out that the doll is half british half Japanese, has the atrological sign Cancer, and get ready for it…..IS A GOTH. The owner of this particular doll, named Davecat, is also goth, has a very bizzare anglophile obsession (I am led to believe that he speaks in a fake British accent), thinks that his doll is an intellectual who, it if could, would walk around with Sylvia Plath books under her/its arms, and sadly believes that "No real woman seems to think I'm good enough for them."
Now, correct me if I am wrong, but this is already exceptionally absurd. However, the article proceeds to regale you with tales of others' doll experiences. We find out that some people have multiple dolls and choose particular ones for particular sex acts. We get the advice from Mike Kelly that "Head 4 is very tight orally. It has a small mouth if you've got a Head 4/Body 5 … you've pretty much got it covered. Tight as a drum."
So as you can imagine, at this point I am treading a very fine line between thinking that this is hysterical and being exceptionally creeped out. This is when I notice that the story has a photo gallery. I proceed to see a picture of two dolls posed on a bed. The caption informed me that the owner claims that they are sisters. He does not have sex with them, he just likes posing them and taking pictures – yes, that is clearly what happens.
Finally, a story related by a man who specializes in repairing the dolls:
Another time, an Asian undergraduate student at a university in California dropped his 1-year-old doll off for repairs. Fiero says the young man told him that his parents bought him the doll so that he would stay at home and study rather than go out chasing women. Fiero's photographs of the damaged doll make me cringe: Her leg was torn off, revealing the steel hardware of her hip joints; an arm hung by an inch of silicone flesh; two fingers were severed; and the cleavage between her buttocks was torn into a ragged crevasse.
"Her vagina was so blown out," Fiero told me. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe someone could fuck something like that up so quickly. It blew me away. How could somebody be so callous? I was offended in so many ways," he continues. "He put her feet behind her head and reamed that doll with whatever cock he's got. He fucked her violently. She was achieving positions she shouldn't achieve or be forced to try. Her vagina and anus were a giant gaping hole."
Well, basically this article is about 8000 words worth of viceral, amusing, and incredibly disturbing imagery. As a final note, he sells about 2 million dollars worth of these a year.
If you are interested in being truely creeped out, read the Realdoll.com FAQ. I honestly could not read any more than a fraction of it before I had to close the browser. My feelings about this can be best described by the Big Lebowski quote:
And then darkness washed over the Dude.