NPF: PILLBOX CHAMPION

Arts! Lots of arts.

1. Did you know that Edward Gorey created illustrations for H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds? I didn't. Did you know that they are awesome? I bet you could have figured that out on your own.

goreywaroftheworlds7

Not pictured: Tom Hanks.

2. Some artist named A. Paul Weber created this fantasy piece with a staggering level of fine detail (view in Gigapan, it's neat) back in 1953.

weber

If you know anything about this guy, do fill us in.

3. If you have a few hundred dollars burning a hole in your pocket, Adrian Tomine is selling prints of his recent New Yorker covers and some other things.

WinterBreak

Buying an expensive print of a New Yorker cover is the final boss one must defeat to find the Triforce of Whiteness.

4. A new book, A Map of the World: The World According to Illustrators and Storytellers delivers…what the title promises. A bunch of artists, designers, and illustrators offer some remarkably colorful takes on the world (scroll down here for a nice gallery).

amapoftheworld_web_4

5. Oh don't worry, I'll work some Cold War shit in here. Here's a large gallery from Dutch photographer David Galjaard's prize-winning series on Albania's national network of concrete pillbox bunkers courtesy of ex-dictator Enver Hoxha. They built 700,000 of these cement pimples, a sort of Albanian Maginot Line.

From the series "Concresco" by David Galjaard

They're everywhere and no one really knows what to do with them. Fortunately they were built with all the expertise, craftsmanship, know-how, and quality materials of communist Albania. So the odds are they will turn into dust soon if we're patient.

NPF: ART vs ARTIST

At first glance this is going to seem like a curious interpretation of "No Politics", but I'm interested to see the resurgence in interest in the science fiction classic Ender's Game resulting from its (inevitable) Hollywood film adaptation. Accordingly, the book's author, Orson Scott Card, has also gained a higher profile. In case you didn't know, Orson Scott Card is an asshole.
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Specifically, Orson Scott Card is a ultra-strict Mormon who has a Falwell-sized beef with The Gays.
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He calls himself a libertarian but believes that the government should be violently overthrown to prevent people from doing The Gay.

This has led to articles like the recent Salon piece "What Happened to Orson Scott Card?" speculating about the his descent from respect author of a sci-fi classic to Michael Savage knockoff. While the obvious conversation to have here would be the old "Can the art be separated from the artist?
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" debate, I have a more naive question.

I am not a great student of fiction writing and I do not claim to be able to talk about it with an air of expertise. But I can't figure out why anyone who read Ender's Game can claim to be surprised by Card's heel turn. It has been a while since I read it – and I did not really like it, hence it's not like I re-read it a dozen times – but my read of Ender's Game was essentially as an Objectivist fairy tale. I thought it was Atlas Shrugged written by a person with basic English writing skills and more imagination. I also thought that everyone realized this because it seemed really goddamn obvious. It surprised me over time to learn that the book was quite popular in my social circle and most people did not see it that way.

I'm sorry if I'm taking potshots at your favorite book here. I don't have especially negative feelings toward it; it just wasn't my thing, and I thought its ideological core was Randian. Since I hate listening to myself talk about fiction and literature I'm not going to go into an extensive discussion of why I thought the right-wing undertones and themes were obvious throughout the book. I'm just curious to see if anyone else read it that way, or if I imagined/misinterpreted those political messages where they were not.

For me, however, nothing Happened to Orson Scott Card.
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I assumed he was this way from the outset.

NPF: WONDER NO MORE

The National Football League is investigating claims by multiple players that individual teams asked question about their sexual orientation at the annual Scouting Combine (an event in which college players hoping to enter the NFL are interviewed, tested, and medically evaluated). Nick Kasa of Colorado stated that some teams asked questions like "Do you like girls?" in violation of the CBA and Federal labor law. Other players, including Michigan's Denard "Shoelace" Robinson, seconded his claims, so it is safe to say that this is not a pure fabrication.

The NFL needs to be more sensitive to these issues, especially since asking questions of this type is illegal. At the same time, teams clearly need to know. That's why I'm contracting with the NFL to use a test I've developed – the Male Athlete Narrative Homosexual Orientation: Logotherapy Enhanced (MAN HOLE) – to uncover a player's sexual preferences with subtle, legal questions. The MAN HOLE test has been used effectively by organizations like Oral Roberts University and the U.S. Men's Ice Dancing Team to ensure the heterosexuality of all participating athletes. While the exam and process are proprietary and available in full only to paying clients, here are some sample questions on the NFL version:

  • 1. Bears are found in:
    A. Chicago, at Soldier Field
    B. Alaska
    C. The woods
    D. Certain bars in Flatbush

  • 2. After practice, I am usually:
    A. Studying film of my opponents
    B. In the weight room
    C. Loitering near the showers
    D. Being worked on by the medical staff

  • 3. On gameday, I like to imagine myself:
    A. Catching the winning touchdown
    B. Blocking for my teammates
    C. Leading the team and calling the plays
    D. At the bottom of a pile of writhing men

  • 4. I get pumped up for games with:
    A. Slayer
    B. Jay-Z
    C. Brooks & Dunn
    D. Pet Shop Boys

  • 5. My dream date is:
    A. My wife / girlfriend
    B. Beyonce
    C. Eva Longoria
    D. Jason Statham

  • 6. My typical breakfast consists of:
    A. Oatmeal and fruit
    B. Eggs and bacon
    C. Protein shakes and bars
    D. Hot, throbbing cocks

    FOR EVALUATION PURPOSES ONLY
    (C) GIN AND TACOS 2013
    ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

  • NPF: NOT WHAT I IMAGINED

    Alaska is the only state I've never visited, and sadly it's probably the one that I am most interested in seeing. It's vast, it's mostly empty, and it's…different than the rest of the U.S., right? It's the pristine wilderness! America's last frontier!

    Well, according to a certain TV series called Alaska State Troopers, Alaska is a frozen Arkansas. The parts where no one lives are pretty; the parts where there are people look like U.N. refugee camps in Siberia.

    I only discovered this show recently, as I dislike A) reality shows and B) police.
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    Anything combining the two would be unlikely to appeal to be. But I'm fascinated by Alaska, it's too cold to leave the house, and the first two seasons are up on Netflix now. The die has been cast.

    Six episodes into the series I have learned that Alaskan settlements are giant trailer parks full of meth labs and the most hardcore alcoholics you'd ever want to meet. Oh, it's a dry county? That's OK, we'll drink air sanitizer.

    And then we'll start beating the shit out of each other, because did you miss the part where we drank goddamn air sanitizer? Of course I understand that a show about police is going to show us exclusively the saddest parts of society. Nonetheless it's interesting to me how easy it is to turn someplace into a paradise in your mind, and how surprising it is to realize that it's kind of a dump.
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    It makes perfect sense that cabin fever combined with high unemployment and not much to do outside on account of the weather would make Alaska an ideal place for alcoholism, domestic violence, and other Trailer Park Pastimes to take root.

    I don't consider myself an exceptionally naive person, but for some reason I expected Alaska to be full of relatively happy people because, you know, they live in Alaska. Their neighbors are bears. Everyone gets free money every year from the Permanent Fund (oil). Snow-capped mountains. Glaciers. I thought everyone would be into, like, skiing or something. It turns out they're mostly into acting like guests on Jerry Springer.

    Yes, I still want to go to Alaska. It might be more pleasant if I avoid contact with any of its inhabitants, though.

    Why couldn't you be my snowy paradise, Alaska? How will I live knowing that Nome, no matter how isolated and peaceful it looks on a map, is a permafrost-covered version of Camden, NJ?

    NPF: FROZEN IN TIME

    I've always been fascinated by the idea of traveling to strange places. This is odd given that the most exotic place I've been in 34 years is…

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    England. Travel is the exclusive province of the rich, unless going to Orlando is one's idea of "travel." But I digress.

    Since I read a Time-Life book about Robert Falcon Scott and the race for the South Pole as a child, going to Antarctica (which anyone with a spare ,000 can do!

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    ) has been #1 on my list. Despite the fact that it is summer in the Southern hemisphere, the current temperature is -50 F (-46 C) at Amundsen-Scott right now. This is fascinating to me and I want to experience it even though it is likely horrifying because that is so cold my brain can't even comprehend what it would feel like. I've experienced the other extreme (120 F days in Arizona, or, even worse, 110 F days in places where humidity is a thing) and I did not find it to be that shocking.

    Yes, it was incredibly hot, but I've always lived in places where 100 F days happen annually and, frankly, 110-120 isn't that much more extreme.

    In terms of cold, however, I don't think I've experienced anything colder than about -10 F. People have a tendency to wildly exaggerate how cold it is, especially in the Midwest where wind chills (an unreliable measure of…anything, really) are reported alongside temperatures. The fact that Tom Skilling says it "feels like" -35 F does not imply that the temperature actually got that low. When the South Pole says -50, they mean it.
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    What does that feel like? Is it painful? Does one end up with ice-filled nostrils? The best account I've ever read of the experience is in Going to Extremes by Nick Middleton, a very solid travel writer who decided to go to the hottest, coldest, wettest, and driest places on Earth. It turns out that the coldest inhabited place is the godforsaken town of Oymyakon, Siberia, which once recorded a temperature of -90 F (-67 C). Vostok Station, Antarctica once recorded a staggering -129 F, but as it is hardly occupied the author discounts it. His narrative about the conditions in the town (and the habits of its 472 residents) is light reading and thoroughly enjoyable. Turns out they drink a lot of vodka to "keep warm."

    It's probably ludicrous to want to travel long distances to suffer, but I still want to experience something like this once before I die…which might be very soon in those temperatures.

    NPF: PICKPOCKETING

    It has been long enough since the last one that I won't feel (too) guilty about giving you Link Salad today.

    1. The world's greatest pickpocket plying his skills on the Today Show.
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    This is mind-blowing. He barely even touches these people.

    2. Check out this small gallery of David Pelham's incredible cover art from Penguin Science Fiction books in the 1970s. If you like what you see and have more time to kill, here's over 200 covers from the entire series on the Penguin SF website.

    DAVID_PELHAM_slip-case_1974

    3. Reefer Madness, eat your heart out. The US Navy has produced an instant classic of a video about the dangers of taking bath salts.
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    Try to count the levels on which this is amazing.
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    NPF: SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME

    As a seven year old living near Chicago in 1985, it's safe to say that I saw the crude video for the Chicago Bears "Super Bowl Shuffle" song about a thousand times and heard the song even more. Though I hated the Bears even at that tender young age, there was something so ridiculous, so lovable, and so ballsy about that '85 Bears championship team that made it very difficult to resist the urge to like them (check out Grantland's excellent where-are-they-now style retrospective on the song and the team, "An Oral History of the Super Bowl Shuffle"). Is there anyone from the Chicago area currently between the ages of 35 and 50 who does not know every word to this song? And could this be any more Eighties?

    To this day, when a certain colleague answers his office phone with "This is Steve," I immediately follow up with "and it's no wonder. I run like lightning, pass like thunder.

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    " I'm not alone.

    The next year, the Los Angeles (now St.
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    Louis) Rams proved that imitation is the sincerest form of…really bad ideas. Very few people remember this – you'll see why in a moment – but the Rams created their own music video for what they thought would be their run at Super Bowl glory during the 1986 season.

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    It was called, I shit you not, "Ram It!" If that isn't sufficiently disturbing, the video features the players making a coordinated, aggressive fisting motion each time they repeat the chorus line of, "Weeeee're gonna RAM IT!

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    "

    How did that get made? I imagine that it took place in some kind of 1980s L.A. cocaine-fueled haze in which no one was really in charge and somehow atrocities ended up happening – kind of the Football Music Video equivalent of the Do Lung Bridge scene in Apocalypse Now.

    Concerned bystander: "Who's in charge here?"
    Eric Dickerson: "Ain't you?"

    No, Eric. Things like this only happen when the chain of command has broken down completely.

    NPF: BLEST WITH VICT'RY AND PEACE

    Now that hockey season is upon us I am once again reminded that America's national anthem may hold its own in a vacuum but is badly outclassed by "O, Canada.
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    " As an American I want to do that thing Americans do and insist that Ours is the Best Thing out of all things; as a person who thinks about things and values honesty, I cannot. Nonetheless this offers an excellent opportunity to share some random, and in some cases not widely known, facts about our national anthem:

    1. We are taught that Francis Scott Key wrote the Star-Spangled Banner, which is only partially true.
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    He actually wrote a poem in 1814 with the snappy title of, "The Defence of Fort McHenry." The music to which the poem was set was written by John Stafford Smith in 1780 as the theme song of a London gentlemen's club (which did not yet mean "titty bar" at the time) called the Anacreon Society. The tune was called "To Anacreon in Heaven" and its lyrics were about figures from Greek mythology.

    2. The poem actually has four stanzas, of which the song in its present form includes only the first one. Each stanza ends identically with "…home of the brave!" The unfamiliar second, third, and fourth stanzas contain some real clunkers for lyrics, such as "Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the Heav'n rescued land. Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!" It's a real shame we don't get to sing that one.

    3. The song did not become the National Anthem until…
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    1931. Prior to that it was often played at military, political, and civic events but it coexisted with other songs that served as de facto anthems. The most popular were the now almost entirely forgotten "Hail, Columbia" and "My Country, 'Tis of Thee" (which is, of course, merely "God Save the Queen" with different lyrics). After the Civil War, "Battle Hymn of the Republic" became (and remains) quite popular as well.

    4. The song is very difficult to sing, which a national anthem should not be.
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    Its key (B-flat major) and 1.5-octave range leave the average citizen of no particular choral skill unable to sing it. This is also why you can spend an entire day on YouTube watching videos of singers butchering the high notes. Accordingly, one man is leading a crusade to have the song performed in the key of G-Major, which would allow those of us with pedestrian vocal cords to sing it without scaring animals.

    He seems a little weird, yes. The point about other nations' anthems being easier to sing is not without merit, though.

    5. People often recall the instrumental Jimi Hendrix/Woodstock version of the song as a source of great controversy, but a folk version performed by Jose Feliciano in Detroit at the 1968 World Series was actually much more controversial at the time. Feliciano's career was seriously damaged in the U.S. by the performance, even after players (and legendary broadcaster Ernie Harwell) defended him. Ironically, he was invited back in 2012 to perform the same version of the song during the National League playoffs.

    And now you're ready to impress no one in particular the next time you're at the ballgame and you hear those opening bars.

    NPF: STUCK TOGETHER

    I'm going to keep this brief today while we (I) continue to reflect on yesterday's experiment in fiction. It is possible that I am the only non-stoned person on Earth to watch marathons of the Science Channel show How It's Made. It's a flashback to the grainy color films I saw in grade school when the teacher was hungover; shiny objects whizzing along on conveyor belts, a ballet of robots moving in unison, and the hands and tools of humans whose faces we rarely see. Look, it's not the most exciting programming but I find it perfect to have on in he background. It can easily be tuned out when I am focusing on writing or reading, or I can pay attention to it for a few minutes and learn something irrelevant but interesting.

    Also, it's a nice throwback to when networks like The Learning Channel and Discovery had programs that weren't about motorcycles, people blowing shit up, and swamp truck log pickers or whatever.
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    If there is an episode of How It's Made that does not use a combination of the terms glue, resin, and epoxy at least ten times, I have not seen it. You could be a pedant and explain how those are not the same thing.
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    I don't care. My point is that the lesson I take away from that show most often is that everything in the damn world is glued together. Things made of metal, wood, plastic, cloth, carbon fiber…it doesn't matter. It's all getting a "coat of resin" before it gets stuck to something else. Everything from coffee pots to billiard tables to appliances to boats is basically glued together, with a few screws here and there.

    Now I have no scientific basis for judging whether this is good, bad, or irrelevant. It is a tad jarring, though, to realize that the whole world is held together by glue, as I associate gluing things together as a last resort second in laziness only to the application of duct tape.
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    Oh, and speaking of, can I interest you in a bumper sticker? See what I did here? That was the mother of all segues.

    NPF: CASHED OUT

    The year is 1930. Look out, Shipwreck Kelly – people are dancing the Charleston atop flagpoles everywhere!

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    The Philadelphia Athletics are charging toward the World Series behind the big bat of Jimmie Foxx! The Great Depression enters its sixth and most likely final month! The nation is roiled in hysterics at the antics of Krazy Kat!

    Some of that probably isn't true, but I really want to take you on a historical journey and the proper setting is important. Though none of us were alive in that year, some of you are old enough to remember that what I'm about to tell you is 100% true: in 1930, there were six different kinds of paper currency in use in the United States. Not six different denominations; six different kinds of money. By the end of the Depression only three remained as the Federal government moved aggressively to gain more control over the money supply (and its supply of precious metals, as we'll see). Today there is only one. Nonetheless, any of these can still be used as legal tender although the collectible value of most examples would far outweigh its nominal value.

    A bit of background. In 1928 the U.S. fully abandoned what collectors and historians uncreatively call "large size" currency. Throughout the 19th Century and beginning of the 20th, paper money varied widely in side. Most of it was much larger than what we use today. The large size adopted in 1914 was approximately 3" x 7.

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    5". The "small size" adopted in 1928 – the familiar size we use today – was simply a practical choice; the government wanted to standardize currency while saving money on paper with a smaller bill.

    In no particular order, the six types of currency were:

    1. United States Notes, the original "Greenback" and the first permanent paper money issued by the Federal government. US Notes are/were currency issued directly by the government (in contrast to today's currency, which is issued by the Federal Reserve at the behest of Congress) and was authorized by the Legal Tender Act of 1862 as a means of meeting government obligations during the Civil War. They were intended to be recalled and destroyed at the end of the War, but farmers and borrowers liked the inflationary effect of having more paper money in circulation (a political issue that presaged the Free Silver movement). US Notes are readily identifiable by their red seal and serial number, as well as their unique statement of value called the Second Obligation: "This Note is Legal Tender for All Debts Public and Private Except Duties On Imports And Interest On The Public Debt; And Is Redeemable In Payment Of All Loans Made To The United States."

    USN

    US Notes disappeared when the government stopped redeeming currency for gold and then silver in 1965. Since there was no longer any practical difference between the US Note and Federal Reserve Note, the former was discontinued.

    2. Silver certificates, as the name implies, were convertible directly to silver dollar coins (or later, silver bullion in any form) until such redemption was halted in 1964 by the Treasury Department due to the rapid increase in the price of silver. Despite being convertible for precious metal, in practice SC's were used as ordinary currency alongside the other non-redeemable bills. They're easily distinguished by the bright blue seals (and note the "Original Obligation" on the left):

    silver

    3. Gold certificates are…well, you can figure it out. Their production and convertibility to precious metal was halted much earlier, however, in 1933 when FDR made the private ownership of gold illegal by Executive Order. Interestingly, these bills became illegal to own at that point, and a final series printed in 1934 was used solely by banks to settle accounts (the 1934 gold certificates are the series with the largest U.S. currency denominations ever printed, including the $100,000 bill featuring Woodrow Wilson). In 1964 GC's became legal for collectors to own but could not be converted to gold. The bright gold seals and serials tend to give these bills away:

    gold

    4. Federal Reserve Notes are what we use today. They are "fiat" money, not convertible for nor backed by precious metal. They are backed by securities held by the Federal Reserve banks that issue them, and their value is based on the faith and credit of the United States. So be sure not to raise the debt ceiling so that collapses! You know what these look like, with the familiar green seals (although they've certainly gotten more colorful recently).

    5. National Bank Notes were issued by specific banks chartered by the U.S. government. They were backed by bonds. The bank would deposit a certain amount of bonds with the Treasury and then could issue National Bank Notes up to 90% of the value of the bonds. They have brown seals and, interestingly, were occasionally signed by hand by the president of the relevant bank. All currency bears signatures but it is usually simply printed on the paper. These were signed with ink pens in some cases. The other obvious design feature is the name of the specific (and sometimes quite obscure) banks that issued them. This example is from the mighty "National Bank of Selins Grove, Pennsylvania."

    nbn

    Note the text indicating that the bill is "secured with United States bonds held with the Treasury." Examples of these bills from particularly obscure banks or with rare signatures are extremely valuable today.

    6. Finally, Federal Reserve Bank Notes operated on a similar principle to National Bank Notes, but they were issued by one of the 12 branches of the Federal Reserve bank (the name of which is printed on the bill). These were created as an emergency issue in 1934 when it became apparent that National Banks were hoarding cash, strangling the supply of money in circulation. So the Fed branches deposited bonds with the Treasury and issued nearly identical currency.

    Interestingly, they used the same design but Federal Reserve Banks do not have "presidents" like National Banks, so a black bar was inked over the line for the bank president's signature (visible here in the lower right).

    FRBN

    Unsurprisingly, the FRBN was eventually seen as an unnecessary redundancy on the Federal Reserve Note. The only difference, technically speaking, is that FRNs are backed by the entire Federal Reserve system whereas FRBNs are backed by a specific branch. No one cared.

    If you ever win money for knowing any of this in trivia or on a game show, I get 10% off the top. That's before taxes. Don't make me come looking for you, either.

    While I have the feeling that no one actually cares about any of this, I need to create this imaginary incentive to reward myself for having typed this all out anyway.