GINANDTACOS.COM MAKES A LIVING WILL

Posted on | by Ed | 6 Comments on GINANDTACOS.COM MAKES A LIVING WILL

(Note: Unlike most people who have suddenly become very interested in Terry Schiavo, I've actually been following the case very closely for a number of years now. This is an excellent factual timeline for anyone who wants to get up to speed on things.)

Like Mark Wahlberg's character in I <3 Huckabees (who manages to turn every conversation, no matter how unrelated, into a diatribe about oil), anti-abortion activists have somehow made the case of a drooling vegetable into the flag-waving, magnetic-ribbon-applying, vigil-holding cause of the day.

Never mind the fact that the vegetable in question, Terri Schiavo, has no cerebral cortex and therefore, by definition, can't improve. Never mind the fact that there has never been a legal case in the history of our judicial system in which power-of-attorney for a married woman belonged to her parents rather than her spouse. Never mind the fact that the bullshit staged video of Terri "reacting" to her mother's visit with a smile is nothing more than a reflex that doctors observe her making 50 to 100 times per day with no stimulus (note how the video cuts just as she begins to listlessly slump off the bed – nice edit, mom and dad!). Never mind the fact that the parents' lawsuit is based on "irregularities in the State courts" when the courts have unanimously ruled against every legal position they've ever taken and not once ruled in their favor.

mcgoo.bmp
McGwire grunts to indicate that his colostomy bag is full while Curt Shilling (right) awaits his feeding tube

Irrespective of all that, Congress has subpoenaed her as a witness in a shameless (well, let's say downright pathetic) effort to meddle in a matter on which the law is perfectly clear. I sincerely hope she is kept alive long enough to appear before Congress, since Mark McGwire's testimony last week would make Schiavo the second vegetable to testify in one session. I would also like her unresponsive pseudo-corpse to be dragged out onto the floor of Congress so all those attempting to intercede on her behalf can take a look at the outstanding quality of life she leads.

This case has turned into a political football for anti-abortion activists who don't give two flying shits about this woman because she, like many young people, has no will. Had she taken that simple step, we wouldn't be watching Randall Terry's nauseating mug hog the camera as he rambles on about the sanctity of life (which apparently extends into death to include "brain death" as well).

Let ginandtacos never make such a mistake. This post will serve as a legally binding declaration of our final wishes in case illness or injury leaves us in a vegetative state.

Specifically, our foremost wish is that Tom DeLay and Jeb Bush do not get any political mileage out of us. Please, for the love of God, pull the fucking plug before they can start printing my name on little crosses and ribbons. Smother me with a pillow. Feed me arsenic. Drop a piano on me. Because really, let's get one thing straight – a brain dead person who can't sustain basic metabolic functions without constant assistance is dead. And it is our fondest wish upon being in such a state that our lifeless bodies not lay before Rick Santorum as he argues otherwise.

The Stunning End to a Fantastic Pair of Pants.

Posted on | by Erik | 16 Comments on The Stunning End to a Fantastic Pair of Pants.

With little to no fanfare in the EBAY community, last week a pair of silver vinyl pants were sold by ginandtacos.com.

Initially, I was saddened to see that one Mr. Burmila would decide to part with such a valued historically significant pair of silver vinyl (possibly from Hot Topic but if my memory serves purchased at Gadzooks) pants. I figured there must be some logical explanation. Perhaps it is some kind of benefit auction? Since the bidding has now stopped, we might never know.

What we do know is as follows:

The year was 2000, or possibly 2001. Actually I am pretty sure it was 2001. The date is insignificant. The location was CO Daniels. You see, at the time Mike and I both lived in Champaign. Ed Burmila lived in Madison Wisconsin (in a house with an amazing little bitch named Toby….at an address that to the best of my knowledge is still listed as the ginandtacos.com corporate headquarters). Fairly regularly Ed would flee from Toby and come and visit Mike and myself. About once a year we would decide that it would be funny to go out to Kams or CO Daniels for the evening- as a point of reference, this was never fun and or funny.

One particular time that this occurred we decided that we needed to either attempt to fit in or look ridiculous. I honestly can't remember the motivation. However, the result is firmly affixed in my brain.

mike purchased an exceptionally expensive pair of green pants (which he later returned) and a comic book t-shirt. I bought a pair of black vinyl pants and a Black Flag t-shirt. And Ed, Ed bought a System of a Down t-shirt and a pair of….that’s right, silver vinyl pants.



Your eyes aren’t deceiving you Ed, we have a picture of you in the pants thanks to Sylvia Rios

We wore these outfits to CO Daniels. We did not fit in, we did not have fun. We however decided that we did need to fit in. We proceeded to go to the campustown dance "club" Orchid- what is now Tonic, where, and I am not kidding I believe we all received compliments on our pants.

So now, in 2005…four or five years after this fateful night took place, Ed was the last remaining owner of his pants. Mike of course returned his- which was his plan all along- and I…well I must admit to frequently getting drunk and wearing my vinyl pants. They were cheap, they basically self destructed in a couple months.

Now some guy from Ebay is the proud owner of the silver pants. The frightening thing is that this man is one of the most disreputable Ebay patrons I have ever seen. He goes by the name r.not and has only three current feedback entries all of which are negative. Although I can't look at any of these auctions directly, I can only assume that they were all for "gothic" pants or shirts.

Ginandtacos is not making this up.

Posted on | by Erik | 6 Comments on Ginandtacos is not making this up.

At one point or another in all of our lives we have been posed the question: What one item would you want to take with you to a desert island?

The motivation for asking such a thing typically ranges from innocent curiosity to some kind of perverse personality profiling.

Regardless, all of us would no doubt put some thought into it, and decide on something like music or the like. However, I fear that far too few of us would have the foresight of one Mr.

Oscar Goodman, the mayor of Las Vegas.

Mr. Goodman would bring…..

Gin.

As much as you would like to think that we are, Ginandtacos.com is not making this up. Mr. Goodman is so adamant about his love for gin that he actually proclaimed to a classroom of schoolchildren (yes, this really happened) that

drinking is one of his hobbies and that the one thing he would want if stranded on an island is a bottle of gin.



Mayor of Las Vegas kicking back at home with a glass of gin

Mr. Goodman responded to criticism by proclaiming that he did nothing more than tell the truth- beleiving that it would have been ridiculous for him to insinuate that he would bring anything other than gin. (a Teddy Bear or Bible were mentioned as non-viable dersert island gin alternatives.)


despite not wanting to take a teddy bear to a desert island one has been crafted to his likeness-complete with martini glass

The Mayor of Las Vegas's love of gin is no secret. He hosts regular "Martinis with the Mayor events" and is a sponsor of Bombay gin.

(He was originally approached by Beefeater but Bombay out bid them). When asked by reporters after the incident if he has a drinking problem, Mayor Goodman responded:

"Oh, absolutely not. I love to drink"….then left the interview.

Despite the fact that there is no word as to the mayors opinions on tacos, I would like to stamp the ginandtacos.

com seal of approval onto Mayor Oscar Goodman.

"I can’t think of anybody who has a racist thought on Darkie Day."

Posted on | by Ed | 10 Comments on "I can’t think of anybody who has a racist thought on Darkie Day."

Alright, British readers. Off your high horses.

There's been a bit of a spat lately in the Isles by whom we were once goverened.

Apparently the folks of the village of Padstow (which I can only assume is near Cowley, which is the area we Americans know as "the Alabama of Britain") have an annual tradition called Darkie Day. Yes, it means what you think it means.

Everyone dresses up in blackface and "sings slave songs"/dances/does whatever those wacky negroes do. The event is approximately a century old….coincidentally enough it originated around the same time that American minstrel shows with blackfaced actors imitating "slave" song and dance appeared in the U.K.

Some people – whiny liberals, every one of them – have suggested that this is slightly racist. The people of Padstow certainly disagree.

Linda Reynolds, 50, of Padstow: “I have always gone out to Darkie Day. If it was even vaguely racist I would be the first one to stand up and shout. I was in a relationship with a black man.
buy amoxil online buy amoxil no prescription

I can’t think of anybody who has a racist thought on Darkie Day.
buy zithromax online buy zithromax no prescription

It’s a traditional event at which people get blacked-up. They are not imitating black people.”

The folks of the CPS, to their credit, have finally grown some balls – enough to at least do some saber-rattling about prosecuting the organizers of this event (which traditionally is used to raise charitable funds for the local church).

It is comforting to know that America is not the only country in which the white underclass of backward retards is willing to fight so hard for the right to be racist tools. It's good to see that they're willing to get in such an uproar over what's really important to them: trying to keep "darkies" in their place so that there's someone beneath the dumbass crackers of Padstow on the social ladder. If they would only redirect a small portion of that energy towards, oh, I don't know, learning to read or something, they might not have to worry about being the bottom of the British barrel.

A BACHELOR'S FROM PEPSI STATE

Posted on | by Ed | 5 Comments on A BACHELOR'S FROM PEPSI STATE

You don't have to be much, if any, of a sports fan to appreciate the loss of regional identities over the past decade at the hands of the corporate naming rights phenomenon. Goodbye Comiskey Park, hello U.S. Cellular Field. Goodbye to names that could be immediately identified with a city, hello bland and anonymous titles that could be (and might as well be) any city in the country. You didn't need a map to figure out where the Astrodome, Hoosier Dome, or Three Rivers Stadium were. But the Staples Arena, FedEx Field, Petco Park, and Monster.com Field could as easily be in Dallas as in Shanghai (those are all real stadiums, by the way…if you can tell me where they're located without using Google, we have prizes for you).

The really sad part about it is that the phenomenon is spreading. "Naming rights" are suddenly being identified as valuable intellectual property in everything from public parks to schools.
online pharmacy levaquin best drugstore for you

In the latter, or the educational system more broadly defined, naming rights are apparently what conservatives have in mind when they say that the free market would step in and make up the money that state legislatures no longer provide.

Public universities traditionally have two options for increasing their revenue: get more money from the state or raise tuition.
buy flagyl online buy flagyl no prescription

As neither are feasible these days, gathering up the buildings on campus and selling the names like Monopoly cards is the next best option. The virus has only spread to stadiums and athletic facilities right now, but more than a few schools (including the cash-strapped University of Texas system) are considering crossing the line.
online pharmacy symbicort best drugstore for you

So while Boise State University, long considered a unique and independent-minded school (Smurf Turf and all), now holds its concerts and ballgames at the Taco Bell Arena (let me repeat that….Taco Bell Arena) its students may someday be able to dine in the Nokia-Doritos Cafeteria before heading to class in the Axe Body Spray presents Psychology Hall. For now, Ohio State kids watch their ballgames in the Value City Department Stores Arena, but if they're lucky they may also get to live in Dr. Pepper Xtreme Dorms someday. Hell, maybe they can just sell the name of the entire school.
buy doxycycline online buy doxycycline no prescription

"Indiana University – Bloomington" doesn't quite have the zing of Pepsi State at Bloomington, does it?

The sad thing is that in 30 years, when everything on the planet has a corporate sponsor and logo on it, the people who make excuses for it now will be among the loudest complainants. I suspect it will be my advanced age, not any adherence to the "Forgive them, for they know not what they do" principle, that will prevent me from smacking them.

"But the only thing that worried me was the ether."

Posted on | by Mike | 4 Comments on "But the only thing that worried me was the ether."

RIP Hunter S. Thompson, (1937-2005)

This would normally be Erik's entry, but he is off on vacation this week without access to ginandtacos (evidently it's being blocked by the Kinko's where he's checking his email). He'll recomment next week.

Honestly I'm not the biggest fan of the entire catalog of Hunter S. Thompson but I do appreciate his existence. There was a time around 1969-70 when drug use changed from being part of a sense of peace, love and utopia, and instead became part of a sense of sadness at the death of such a (or any) notion and an excuse for paranoia, and Thompson was there to shoot the signal flare:

"There was no point in fighting…now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark — the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back."

If the rise and fall of the Woodstock generation seems less relevant each day, Thompson survives on as an inspiration to the kids who are pushing acceptible limits of psychotropic consumption everywhere. You can see his ghost everywhere in colleges.

online pharmacy buy clomid online cheap pharmacy

If you can picture a mirrored-sunglasses wearing, no-drug-fearing, cigarette-holder-in-mouth 20 year old in your head…
buy vardenafil online royalcitydrugs.com/vardenafil.html no prescription

wait. you don't have to imagine it:


fall 2000, dear lord.

Hope the next world is as fucked up as this one Hunter.
buy xifaxan online royalcitydrugs.com/xifaxan.html no prescription

Put the Steak and Shake on my tongue.

Posted on | by Mike | 6 Comments on Put the Steak and Shake on my tongue.

random.

1) I understand making fun of bad samples in rap and hip-hop is very 1998, but there are two songs hitting the airwaves that sample such bizarre material it deserves our attention. One is the song "Sugar (on my tongue)" by Trick Daddy, sampling the Talking Heads song of the same name (link to a song clip). The other is "Nasty Girl" by Nitty which samples "Sugar, Sugar" by the Archies (video clip here, no audio clip as the album isn't out yet).

My first thought is that the Powers That Be in Music have just gone ahead and started sampling in alphabetical order, and we have finally reached Sg-Sz in the record collection. My second thought is that this Nitty fellow must be quite the character, to have heard the Archies single on the oldies station and thought "this would make a great song about a girl who likes having anal sex!" I think he probably thinks that about any melody he hears.

My last thought is that we have progressed since the early 80s, as it is clear that "Trick Daddy" is just singing about cunnilingus. This is as opposed to David Byrne, who was almost certainly singing about a mix of cunnilingus and cocaine. The fact that doing cocaine nowadays is about as cool as Don Johnson in a day-glo suit or investment bankers and models in a bathroom stalls is a sign our culture is one step closer to an end-stage of perfection.


god bless america!

2) Roger Ebert showed up in the interview portion of the New York Times Magazine last week. I really hate the Great!/Crap! Thumbs Up!/Thumbs Down! aesthetic that passes for movie criticism these days, and though Roger Ebert isn't the cause of the problem, he certainly can take some of the responsibility for it's popularity. That said, I've always enjoyed reading his non-review movie writing (especially the Movie Answer Man), so I was excited to read this. Now this is the one forum where he can do his best to not appear to be from the Midwest. His answer to the question "Last Meal":

Something from the Steak 'n' Shake, a chain of restaurants in the Midwest. I'd get a super steak burger with onion and pickle, ketchup and mustard, an order of chili mac, a side of fries and a Coke. My first restaurant meal was held at the Steak 'n' Shake when I was 3, and I've been going back ever since.

Wow. I like the amount of detail he gives. You can almost imagine him pointing at the writer saying "make sure to get ketchup and mustard in the column." I remember back when I was at UofI during one of Ebert's Movie Festivals and I heard a rumor from a friend of a friend: Some of the directors and producers who were in town decided to head out to a strip club and tried to get Ebert to go; Ebert instead took the crew of volunteers out to Steak and Shake at 2am.

addendum: While trying to find Ebert's comments, I found that Ebert is a vocal advocate of Steak and Shake. As if there was ever any doubt. From his review of "Harold and Kumar Goes to White Castle", I movie I had also loved:

Because this column is read in Turkey, Botswana, Japan and California, I should explain that "sliders" are what fans of the White Castle chain call their hamburgers, which are small and cheap and slide right down. We buy 'em by the bag.

Is a slider worth the trouble leaving home and journeying through two states? If you're stoned and have the munchies, as Harold and Kumar are, and if you're in the grip of a White Castle obsession, the answer is clearly yes. The only hamburger worth that much trouble when you're clean and sober is at Steak 'n Shake. Californians believe the burgers at In 'n Out are better, but that is because they do not appreciate the secret of Steak 'n Shake, expressed in its profound credo, "In Sight, It Must Be Right." (Many people believe the names of In 'n Out and Steak 'n Shake perfectly describe the contrast in bedroom techniques between the coast and the heartland.)

Find a Steak and Shake nearest you.

TAKE THAT, SEARCH ENGINES.

Posted on | by Ed | 3 Comments on TAKE THAT, SEARCH ENGINES.

The upcoming week on ginandtacos.
buy cytotec online pmilv.com/wp-content/languages/new/cheap/cytotec.html no prescription

com is almost certainly going to feature several pictures of the "Save Star Trek" party organized by Mike and his intrepid roommate Mr. Schneider. When this happens, our front page will simultaneously contain photos of or references to: Sean Hannity, the United States Male Corps, gay escort services, the Political Science department of a small college in Michigan, Scott Bakula, Sheriff John Bunnell, an anatomical diagram of the male reproductive system, a Scottish newspaper's sports section, Australian Prime Minister John Howard, the Cato Institute, NASCAR coverage, Trek United, and a box of cookies.

Don't try to question it. We are more than you could ever figure out with 100% of your Earth brains.

It makes me feel good to know that if anyone google searches a phrase such as "John Howard gay escort Bakula" we will undoubtedly be the first hit.

buy augmentin online pmilv.com/wp-content/languages/new/cheap/augmentin.html no prescription

However, to further confuse the search engines, I submit the following photo of a unicorn and a link to a website advertising itself as "a land where unicorns are loved by people around the world".

unicorn.jpg

POSTSCRIPT: AN OPEN LETTER TO "JEFF GANNON" AND "TALON NEWS"

Posted on | by Ed | 1 Comment on POSTSCRIPT: AN OPEN LETTER TO "JEFF GANNON" AND "TALON NEWS"

I feel it is fair to share with our readers the email which I sent to "Jeff Gannon" and "Talon News" (two entities which must forever hereinafter be written only in quotes to denote the dubious nature of even the most basic circumstances of their existence):

"Jeff",

Your complete lack of journalistic credentials or ability to use the english language often left me wondering how you secured a job working the White House. I guess that getting paid to metaphorically suck Bush's cock wasn't much of a departure from your previous line of work, was it?

You may be a fake reporter from a fake news agency, but the important thing is that you were (wait…ARE) an authentic hooker. No one can take that experience away from you. Don't let the liberal media tell you that experience wasn't valid.
buy furosemide online buy furosemide no prescription

Every Motel 6 you met your clients at, every hairy 50 year-old cornhole you "attacked" with your "8 inch weapon", every morning you woke up leaking unidentifiable fluids like a showerhead……
buy synthroid online buy synthroid no prescription

that was all real, "Jeff." Own it.

Good luck auctioning your dick to the highest bidder for a living.
https://aboutfeetpodiatrycenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/pdf/augmentin.html

Maybe when your butthole is all stretched out and no one will pay for your services anymore, you can go back to reporting. There are tons of opportunities in Hollywood for someone with your "skills".
https://aboutfeetpodiatrycenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/pdf/elavil.html

In closing, fuck you.

Sincerely,
Ed

ONCE AGAIN, THE LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.

Posted on | by Ed | 13 Comments on ONCE AGAIN, THE LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.

(WARNING: most links in this story contain nude and pornographic photos of the subject….who happens to be a White House correspondent)

In case you've yet to pick up on this story (which has trickled into the Washington Post, Salon.com, and other "major" media outlets), the White House's favorite gay-bashing, softball-lobbing shill has an interesting life story. Actually, he has several.

It appears that Jeff Gannon, the fake reporter from a fake news agency who was mysteriously granted a full White House press access pass by the Bush administration even though he had no experience as a reporter, is actually James Dale Guckert, a former Marine. Oh, and a former $200 per hour gay prostitute.

untitled.bmp
Proud member of the United States Male Corps

A lot of eyebrows were raised when the Bush people flung their doors open so widely in terms of access and congeniality for a guy who isn't even a reporter and works for an imaginary, nonexistent "news agency" called Talon News. It became very quickly apparent that the jar-headed "Gannon" was nothing more than a semi-literate shill whose purpose was to fire off unedited White House dispatches to the internet's angry little network of Ann Coulter wannabes.

At a recent press conference, he asked the President how he was dealing with Senate Democrats given that they are "so far removed from reality" and bashed Kerry as America's "first queer President."

untitled2.bmp

Unfortunately, some enterprising bloggers found out that Mr. Gannon is actually a man with the incomprehensibly ugly name J.D. Guckert. He changed his identity because Mr.

online pharmacy diflucan no prescription

Guckert had a $20,000 civil judgment against him that he didn't feel like paying. Oh, and he was a gay hooker.

Yes, Jeff Gannon the White House "reporter" happens to be the same Jeff who advertises himself as ""AGGRESIVE, VERBAL, DOMINANT TOP…I DON'T LEAVE MARKS, ONLY IMPRESSIONS" with an "8 inch uncut weapon" on such reputable gay escort sites as meetlocalmen.com, workingboys.net, and StudFinder. Despite the initial claim that these were not the same person, the fully nude pictures of "Jeff" reveal that he has the exact same birthmarks, facial features, jewelry, skin folds, and misshapen right ear as Jeff Gannon. Quick, someone make up a better excuse.

Unfathomable hypocrisy is nothing new from extreme right-wing types.

online pharmacy ivermectin no prescription

Anyone that far to the right is hiding something, period. But the appalling part about this is that bringing this idiot into the White House to parrot the administration was a conscious decision. There is no conceivable way that the Secret Service/CIA/FBI/Whoever could have done a cursory background check on this person (and we sorta hope that a background check is part of getting full press access to the White House) and not realized that he was operating a fake identity and was all over the internet offering his butthole to the highest bidder. This isn't one isolated Friendster page or something.

This guy had nude pictures on dozens of sexually-explicit websites for "dating" services.

Someone OK'd this. Someone sat down and reviewed a background check and personal file that said "This guy is a gay hooker operating a fake identity" and thought "SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!

SIGN HIM UP!"

The administration's desire to surround themselves with fawning regurgitators is no different than that of any other politician. It's just amazing and appalling that they could be so lazy (or pumped up with hubris) that they would pick someone who could so easily be exposed as a fraud and hypocrite. There are plenty of slobbering lapdog right-wing journalists they could have picked who are not gay hookers. It almost feels like this was some sort of bet among the White House staff…."Hey Wolfowitz, I bet you $50 we can get away with this."